"The Idle Vapourings Of A Mind Diseased" @wanderingmind867 - Tumblr Blog

I often think I'm too lazy online nowadays. Often feeling very sedentary and stuff online... I know precisely the factors that cause it too: it's me having lost my old tablet close to three years, and me also making this account around that exact same time. Because so much stress hit me at one time, it all turned into a series of deeply rooted fears. One of these is a fear of the passage of time. One is a fear of being all alone one day. But the important one to discuss today is the fear of being incredibly lazy online.

I know that 2021 was almost 4-5 years ago, but it still feels like when things were last calm and normal for me. My mom was alive, I didn't have this account, I was comfortable with online schooling and my old tablet was still working. Within the last few years, all of that changed. I lost one of my only close friends and confidants (my mom), I gained a social media account here (which has had some positives and some negatives), I had to go back to school and face my fears of growing older, and I've lost my old tablet. All these things still haunt me today.

The tablet thing perpetually haunts me. I use stupid AI chatbots, I stay on my dashboard on here, I read comics. That's pretty much all I do. I mean... there are actually more exceptions, but that's all my brain registers when i'm feeling miserable. And I remember that years ago, I used to browse wikis, lurk and browse blogs on here, read the occasional fanfiction, etc. I barely do any of that now, and so I feel constant guilt and shame. It's not very nice or pleasant to experience, but it is true, nonetheless. And so I just feel... always sedentary or lazy, and nothing anyone can say or do helps persuade me otherwise. It's awful. sigh...

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turtles-allthewaydown

Did you know? That the back is made up of terrible and evil muscles that are only waiting for their chance to betray you

turtles-allthewaydown

Did you know? That the back is made up of terrible and evil muscles that are only waiting for their chance to betray you

Waking up at midnight and then at 1 or 2 am wasn't the worst part of the night. It was actually the most tolerable bit. I can handle that. I just do stuff until I fall back asleep or whatever. The concerning bit was the profuse sweating and the stomach ache so bad I was moaning in my bed.

I'm constipated all the time. And I'm bleeding whenever I'm not constipated. Nothing wants to come out of me, it hurts and I feel in agony. I don't know to fix this, though. Because fixing it necessitates me losing my hemorrhoids, and that won't happen! The stomach pain makes me strain, the straining makes the hemorrhoids worse, the hemorrhoids seemingly make my constipation worse. It's a vicious cycle. I really, really hate it.

And as for my sweating... I don't know what caused that. Stress? Maybe it was genuinely hot in the house? Maybe it was the two humidifiers? I don't know. But it sucked, and I don't like it. Not at all.

My stomach is still a bit sore. I'm uncomfortable and cramped. My mind is wandering all over. I want to talk about ace attorney, only to say I saw a play through of the aai2 fan translation once and I only mentally accept those names now. I want to talk about pokemon and about all kinds of other things. I didn't sleep well last night, so my mind is hazy.

All I know is that I'm scared to try sleeping again tonight. I don't want my stomach cramps to bother me again. I don't want to wake up overnight. I just want a nice, relaxing evening. I'm hoping for recommendations on how I can achieve that. I currently have 0 ideas. Any blogs I should browse? Any fan fictions light enough to calm me? Any blogs with light writings? I don't know. It felt easier to find all this stuff when I didn't have social media accounts. But I really want to have a nice night, so I'm desperate here.

I think I'll try to drink less water tonight. I'll try to regulate my emotions, and I'll try to not worry. But with my stomach cramps and stomach aches and generally horrible nerves, I genuinely need so much aid and assistance. I wish my dad didn't have to work. I wish this wasn't my life. sigh...

To prove I'm vaguely serious about the advice claims, I think I'm gonna tag people now. But me and my dad eat dinner soon, then my dad goes upstairs for his nap (and I go upstairs to listen to music while laying down and using my phone and having a fan blow at me). I'm just genuinely stressed to a certain extent, and I'm trying to keep myself calm.

Here’s the list of my mutuals: @ihauntmyhouse @thewordsmith3 @snapcandle @c00c00pig @yourfriendlyneighbourhoodaries @southernfreakinggothic @demigod-jack-hearth @beauty-queen-official @molovesbooks @billybatsonmylove @irish-agender-moss @munchkinmarauder @dougielombax @one-of-batmans-orphans @ace-looking-4-parkingspace @supersonicdp @ltwharfy

@ligaments-08 @spiritbox713 @drksanctuary @berf-a-smurf @bacon-bitch @demigoddumbass @cosmo-autistic-version @a-field-of-dragonflowers @sparkysaurus @that-lego-frog @ashes-of-a-giftedkid-burnout @svnvfhcrmcs @anomymous2 @ashetheshade @doubletroubletrio

Now for some of the people I don’t follow/I follow but they don’t follow me back/any number of other possible explanations: @onewordaway @emperorcandy @tremendousdreamtragedy @riordanverseaddict @royaltystudios @conundrumrespeculis @the-fyre-flie @gelpenss @bobs-biscuits-emporium @somedamslytherindemigod2

@delicatebatharmony @okaydokielemonquokey @forkborb @sweetgladiatorfesival @the-dark-reunion-is-real @hggu @paljordan @flippin-egg-because-noodles @zekidnapper @boreal–forest

apolladay

im curious about peoples usage of drafts. i have 29 rn and that feels like a lot but...

how many tumblr drafts do you have right now

none

less than 5

less than 10

less than 20

less than 50

less than 100

less than 200

less than 400

less than 600

less than 1000

less than 2000

2000 or more

Remaining time: 1 day 20 hours

#364 #but most of those were made years ago #polls #tumblr polls

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wanderingmind867

I woke up twice last night. Once at midnight and once at 1 am. I don't know why I woke up, but I was soaked clean through my body both times I woke up. My back was soaked, my shirts were sealed, everything was awful. Why!? Why did I sleep so poorly last night!? Was I genuinely just that stressed about my dad going back to work? Sadly, that seems to be the most likely option here.

It's possible I woke up to to go pee too, I guess. I did pee when I got up at midnight, so maybe I did drink too much water before bed. But drinking too much wouldn't explain the excessive sweating. Because I don't normally sweat when I'm just laying down. Even when I'm awake, it's hard to sweat when you aren't really moving. The only thing beyond physical exertion that I know makes me sweat is stress. When I get worked up, I sweat a lot. And if I can't calm down, I stay in that sweaty and sore headspace until something pulls me back out of it. And sometimes nothing can pull me out of it. So it's possible that I just genuinely felt so stressed last night that I couldn't sleep. I don't remember having any dreams, but that doesn't necessarily mean I wasn't stressed.

I'm slowly recovering from my disastrous night last night, but I've still got so many other stressors. My stomach feels sore and cramped, which really sucks. It's been feeling sore since I woke up for the second time at 1 am. Although technically...well, my stomach pains have been around consistently since June 2025 or so. That means it's been 12+ months of stomach pain. A full year of it. So that sucks. Beyond that, I also feel like I've wasted my time with my dad today. My dad came home early because of me, and I've done nothing with him. I feel like I'm still constipated, and my stomach feels sore all the time. All the time!

I just feel like time has gone by way too fast, and I feel kind of depressed now because of all that. I also feel sad and uncomfortable, because of just everything. I hate it. sigh...

PS: Part of me genuinely wonders if I couldn't sleep because I looked up erotica before bed and almost got fixated on it. But I think stress is still probably the most likely answer to everything here.

wanderingmind867

I still keep pulling the muscles in my legs, as I said. Also, I don't know why I slept so badly last night. I really don't know why I slept poorly. My stomach still feels cranked, and maybe it's constipated. I don't know. But it sucks. Is it possible Imy excessive tagging of people yesterday got me more worked up and made me sleep worse? Maybe. But I could actually never prove that. I just feel like it's important to tag people to this, because it's a good finale to the anxiety I felt yesterday. My dad had to come home early, because I slept poorly and erratically. It's frustrating. But I'll live. I'll never know what caused this. But I wish I could know.

I'll live. I just hope I sleep better tonight. I probably will sleep fine, because I don't tend to get 2 bad nights in a row. But hopefully my stomach also clears up, too. sigh...