Gastroparesis can make you so constipated it feels like you have boulders in your lower abdomen? Your stomach is paralyzed right so it takes anywhere from several extra hours to DAYS to digest some foods. Trigger foods are different for everyone. For me the worst thing to eat during a flare up is meat. Any kind. Poultry, red meat, pork, fish, doesn't matter it all makes my stomach work slower than molasses then I end up painfully constipated for days. It is excruciating and sometimes I have to manually express my bowel movements with my fingers. It is a demeaning and disgusting as it sounds, but it is better than dying of sepsis.

If you know someone with gastroparesis and they insist there are certain foods they just can't eat, believe them. They know their body better than you ever will. Accommodate them. Please.

So yeah, I only woke up at 7 am today. I feel kind of out of it, exhausted and tired and uncomfortable. So yeah, I'd say I'm still uncomfortable. I feel stuffy and full of phlegm, I feel like my stomach is still cramped and I'm likely to bleed when I go bathroom I just don't feel great.

Yeah, I just tried to go bathroom. Based on the noises I heard, I'd say I'm 99% confident I bled out into the toilet again. So like... that's deeply frustrating for me. But it's also what I expected would happen, so I'm surprised. I wish I had someone to talk to about all this, because bleeding like this and having stomach cramps so often surely can't be normal. But alas, it seems like I've been left to deal with it all nonetheless, even as I have no family doctor I trust to help me get through it!

Gastroparesis (stomach paralysis) can be caused by glp-1s? There's been a significant increase in gastroparesis patients in the last 5 years due to the over prescribing of the drug, which is used off label for weight loss. These drugs trick your body into not feeling hunger cues and in some cases cause irreparable damage to digestive function. People with gp can end up living with chronic nausea/vomiting, chronic diarrhea/constipation, with a stimulator installed inside their body, on feeding tubes, or a colostomy bag. Or all of that or any combo.

Is losing a little weight worth losing stomach function and needing to rely on tubes or a battery in your stomach the rest of your life?

Oh, and I'm convinced masturbation doesn't help anything. Much like how I'm often claiming that masturbation makes me need to pee more often, sadly. When I masturbate, I sit on the toilet bowl. I then sit on the hard toilet bowl for nearly 20-30 minutes, all because I'm too embarased to get up and risk getting semen in my underwear or something.

I'm congested, choking on phlegm that's lodged in my throat. I'm just really choking on it all. I'm also vaguely feeling an urge to masturbate, something I'm trying to resist because I already feel like I masturbate too much. I'm stuffy, feeling like I'm dealing with an almost permanent head cold. I've got facial hair I want to rip out of my skin! I'm still bleeding almost every time I go bathroom. It's at least a 50-50 or 60-40 split. I still cross my ring finger and pinky 90% of the time when I'm writing. My wisdom teeth still teether as they're growing in. I feel like I'm getting a headache right now, even.

Sometimes I wish I was bold enough to ask things like that. But I'm never very good at asking people things. So I'll never ask, and I'll never get answers. But our food just showed up, so I'll shut up now.

I find that I either overthink or don't think at all. There's no real in between for me. I'm either overthinking until I'm stressed or I'm unable to think and I just space out and stare off into space. Today feels like one of those "unable to think" days. That's affected my writing, and it's been kind of frustrating for me. Everything I've written today hasn't been very good, and I'm confident that's because I've been in a real slump all day. But there's still a part of me that wants to write about my fear and stress about getting new glasses tomorrow and my dad getting a new tattoo and everything.

It's all about change, really. Or at least…change is likely a good 60% of all my issues. Struggling with change…that's basically the story of my life. I don't cope with change well, I struggle with it and fight it and have meltdowns over all of it. My dad getting tattoos always sets me on edge, even though they're never usually big enough to be seen 24/7. Even though I think his choice to get a fictional character tattooed on him is baffling, I don't feel like I can judge him for it. I think I only get bothered because it's change, and all change is bad change.

I struggle with losing objects, even. Losing my old amazon tablet recently (or getting it frozen in charge at 25%) emotionally broke me. Thinking of losing our old recliner makes me feel the same way. Losing anything feels like a shock to my system, a shock I'm just incapable of recovering from easily. So things like knowing I'm getting new glasses tomorrow (and I'm gonna be expected to replace my old glasses with these new glasses)…it really throws me for a loop and leaves me feeling uncomfortable.

My dad turning 51 on Sunday also makes me feel weird. Not solely because he's turning 51, but moreso because him being 51 means I'm also 21. What can I say, I'm somewhat selfish and I always think about it from the perspective of myself. And well, my day being 51 and me being 21…it all reminds me of the passage of time, and that does stress me out. Especially as my dad keeps bringing up thibs like how he wants to go on a train ride cross country before he turns 55. And I know my fears of being away from home are making a lot of those things near impossibilities. But I think that's the least of my worries. It's moreso the generic acknowledgement time is passing and I'm growing older that stresses me out.

My dad got beer somewhere. He made me try a non-alcoholic beer. I was a bit uncomfortable with it, seeing as I have a bias against alcohol because I know it's addictive. But eeugh. Is beer supposed to be so damn bitter!? Gods, this is my experience with wine all over again. Why is alcohol (non alcoholic or not) so damn bitter!? I don't understand. Why do people like this stuff!? It's horrible. Forget about the addictive quality, it just tastes disgusting. At least soda is more fizzy than it is bitter. Gods, that was awful.

But at least we're on our way home now? That's something, I guess. We're on our way home now, and my stomach feels complicated. I've enjoyed our time out. Dinner was good, and getting dessert out was fine too. But I always worry about my stomach acting up. I always worry about it, but I've gotta admit my worries are worse when I remember that I've got constipation and hemorrhoids and stuff. It's all just incredibly frustrating. But yeah, at least we're going home. That's something.