Jul 16
being a girl is having an egg ick
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being a girl is having an egg ick
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I'm so hot that I'm sweating all on my back. I had to take my shirt off. It feels warm in this house, and my stomach is sore and constipated.
I don't know how I'll sleep tonight, but I head up to bed in 30 minutes. I'll figure it out. Even if I need to sleep under my thick blankets, I have fans to help me. But gods ..I hate summer.
I've been paranoid about my stomach lately, and that's led me to try poking at my stomach all the damn time. And what that's seemingly led to is me having a really sore stomach. I assume the two things are connected, anyways. There's very little reason for them not to be, I think.
I still feel constipated, though. My stomach feels sore and grumbly, but nothing wants to come out. It's awful. It's really freaking awful. I hate it.
My mood is still a bit depressed. I still kind of feel like I've wasted the day. But I also know I can't have fully wasted it, so I guess I'll be fine. But yeah, my mood is all over the place. I'll be fine, nonetheless. I'll be fine.
I'm gonna try to go bathroom, I think. But there's something else I want to write in a little while. I want to write a vent about the weather. So I'll get to that in a bit.
have been basically unable to eat since yesterday :\ and i can't tell if it's like a physiological aversion or just the stomach issue being worse. REALLY hoping it gets easier again bc i am so goddamn hungry :((
I don't know if I have enough notes ready for my next therapy appointment. I paused a tv show me and my dad were watching so I could write this. Also just to add a few other things.
I have heartburn again, and it's beginning to get under my skin. It's really frustrating for me. I'm also feeling stomach issues again. Like if I poked at my stomach, I could make myself sick or uncomfortable. So yeah, I would say I have some issues.
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Oww...my stomach is beginning to feel really, really sore. I legitimately had to stop playing the game I was playing on my Nintendo Switch, largely because I felt a sharp stabbing pain rupture through my stomach. It's amazing how bad pain can feel on the stomach. I've had stomach problems since June 2025, but this? This is new for me. So this is deeply uncomfortable.
When your stomach begins feeling like this...what is the appropriate course of action? Because for me it's almost always immensely paralyzing. This is the kind of pain I can only handle by pressing down on my stomach, holding it in my arms as it groans in agony. This is deeply uncomfortable for me. Deeply, deeply uncomfortable.
I should be okay long term. But still, I hate dealing with this. So I had to write this down to vent about it. Because it just really sucks to deal with. sigh...
🩷my stomach hurts🩷
My stomach still hurts. It feels really gaseous, really freaking gaseous. But nothing ever comes out! Or even when stuff does come out, it doesn't stop the gas! The gaseousness seems like it began developing around the time college ended. College ended in April or May 2026, right? That's weirdly on track for me. My stomach first got really bad around June 2024, but the pain eventually went away. It was all gone by around September of 2024.
It all left by September 2024, but then I got it all to come flooding back in June 2025. In June 2025, I got my stomach problems to come back to me. And that was horrible. I'm struggling to focus, to get myself to pay attention to anything. But I want to get some stuff off my chest, so I feel like I have to do some writing about all this. So I'll try to lock in, I guess. I'll try to, anyways. My stomach problems came back in June 2025, then the hemorrhoids first began to appear in August 2025. And my old family doctor retired around the exact same time. So it's all just been a horrible mess.
I just got out of the bathroom. Blood came out again, and I felt u uncomfortable. Maybe things were fine, but they didn't feel that way. Now I'm spacing out. I'm beginning to start pulling the muscles in my legs again, because I'm feeling uncomfortable and exhausted and awkward and everything. It's frustrating. And annoying. Really annoying.
But yeah, I've been struggling with stomach pains almost non-stop since June 2025. Hemorrhoids developed in August 2025. And now it feels like gaseousness is developing too. High School ending started the stomach pains. Was College ending something that escalated things too!? I don't know, but I hate it.
I wish I could just go talk to my old family doctor about this. I don't trust my new family doctor very much. I've spent barely any time seeing him, and it's all because I don't feel a lot of trust in him. I wish I could talk to my old family doctor. I know it sounds weird, but I keep trying to get my dad to hunt down a way to find her. Because until I find someone who can replace my doctor (and who I feel I can trust) I'm just gonna be carrying a flame for my old family doctor. sigh…
PS: Part of me wants to add a sexuality tack to this, because I felt a bit like masturbating before my stomach pains took my focus. But I still don't want to make that my whole brand on here or whatever, so I'll try to avoid too much discussion of it.