#vents

I'm sitting down in a recliner again. As I mentioned earlier, I just spent 20 minutes or more in the bathroom because I was paranoid about needing to pee more and more. So that's incredibly frustrating. Now my stomach even feels a little bit cramped, which sucks too. I just feel frustrated. I hate it. sigh...

Bruh I think about asking our family to engage with autism accommodations. then I remember whenever I ask "could you please turn down the lights?" Or "could you please turn down the TV?" I'm met with immediate No's or "why?" Or acting as if I just yelled at them. And it never gets fucking done???? An if I told them it was too loud or too bright it would be another fucking argument about "why why why????" And if I did yell it would be "why are you getting so emotional it's just the lights" and I end up leaving the room.

Screwed up about the fact my art barely exists and im producing story themes that make people famous on premise alone. I do so much work to show proof of concept and even start fully fledged stories with GOOD art and writing and dont even get comments if i’m lucky

Brokenly reaching out to a family member if they could help me a little with just getting some housing and them being enraged at me because poverty is a choice or something and they treated it like i just didnt want to try harder, and chewed me out for “choosing to lose housing” and they also are going to throw out all my belongings i had to leave behind if i dont come get them next month including my lifetime of art and i cant even leave where i’m at so im gonna probably just keep