Whenever I see the phrase "foul magic" in fantasy media I have to try very hard not to think about how one definition of "foul" is "having an unpleasant smell", because it's challenging to take a character seriously when their title is Master of the Stinky Arts.
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So I just simultaneously did, and possibly didn't lose my job today :)
Very much did in the sense that I literally do not know where my job is at the moment. But, for the time being I haven't been let go because nobody else including the store owner knows where it is either.
So, I don't wanna risk doxxing myself by posting pictures but goddamn am I tempted because this is not a believable event. This is a cartoon problem. For looneytoons.
But yeah, so, I work(ed?) at a kiosk selling boba tea, right? Freestanding kiosk in the mall with full water and electrical hookups and multiple fridges and sinks and a mini kitchen and the works. Fully functional tea shop. Very important to note that it was there last night, The work chat was discussing another issue last night at closing time. I'll get back to this.
It's been showing signs of being on the way out with how business is being handled lately and I've been considering other options, which is probably why I'm not as torn up about this as I should be, but maybe it just hasn't set in yet, but that's not the point. The point is there's been a lot of shit breaking and not being replaced and nobody mentioning anything about it until I walk into work in the morning and have to figure out why shit like the fucking cash register isn't there today. So I'm kinda used to having to ask questions about big things that nobody bothered to update me on. I was out for two weeks recovering from a surgery, so I came to work this morning assuming there'd be some kind of bullshit, yeah?
So, the question I had to ask the chat this morning was:
Not a text I ever thought I'd have to send in sincerity, but there it is. Because what I found instead was a fenced off patch of discolored tiles and a few holes in the floor where my entire place of employment used to be.
And the answer? Nobody knows! It was there last night when the mall closed, and every single trace of the structure and all its contents including drink making supplies and our safe and cashbox was gone when it opened again. And when I say nobody knows, I mean everyone from last night's closers to the actual (former?) owner of the store jad no fucking clue about this until getting that text from me this morning. For once I am actually the first to know. 🎉.
So. I guess I didn't so much lose my job as had it stolen. Not by AI, but good old fashioned hands-on human beings picking it up and carrying it away somehow. All mall security would tell me was that they were instructed not to tell me anything and have us contact our management. Who also don't know anything. And later on I came across some construction workers around the gravesite of the kiosk discussing filling in the holes, asked them about it, and was told that they "weren't at liberty to say".
So, not only is my job gone in the most literal physical sense of the word, but it was taken in some kind of super secret kiosk extraction in the dead of night without any warning or witnesses and nobody is allowed to speak of it. The store owner said she was gonna figure it out 10 hours ago and still no word back.
I don't know what else to say aside from I've been laughing all day and I'm gonna have a hell of a time explaining Schrodinger's Unemployment to the benefits office.
Update that is not an update because I'm basically certain this isn't what actually happened:
My mother in law thinks the FBI took it.
Not any of the other stores around the state. Just the one little kiosk.
Why? Because she loves a conspiracy and is just a little bit extra.
Also because she was around for the massive crackdown on Yakuza-owned businesses in Waikiki (in her homestate) that did actually involve the FBI seizing stores (no confirmation of making kiosks cleanly disappear in the middle of the night though).
Still no word from my job on what's actually going on, but the most likely theory so far is that maybe the kiosk was on lease and got repossessed? The mystery continues
(also shout out to the person who proposed Carmen Sandiego)
According to the owner, based on what she's been able to find out, the kiosk was not removed legally and they're starting a potentially long process of legal action. I hope she gets to sue the shit out of whoever did it but for now at least I know for sure I'm unemployed.
Really hoping for more details in terms of who/why/how, so I'll keep updating if I learn anything.
For now the summary is: An unnamed entity that is most likely mall management (on account of mall security cooperating with them) stole an entire kiosk and all the contents including money and machinery with barely a trace in the middle of the night grinch-style, with zero warning or explanation, and ensured the silence of both security and the construction crew, in an action that was definitely preplanned and illegal, and as far as I know nobody knows its whereabouts.
So now I'm officially out of a job. Because my workplace was literally stolen in the night.
Actually fuck it let's share some photos cause I wouldn't be inclined to believe this myself. It's not like anyone can stalk me at my job now and I'm not gonna have to see any coworkers that might find my tumblr.
Enjoy the unintentionally funniest text I've ever sent in my life
Aaand a close-up:
The last remains of a once Very Much Solid And Immobile Workplace
In elementary school, my best friend and I had this game we would play where we were school supplies living inside a child's desk and going on slice-of-life adventures inside it. And I remember that a key component of our school supply society was a sort of religious schism that existed around the purpose and nature of the giant hand that occasionally reached in to grab different citizens, use them, and then return them, because most school supplies considered this an auspicious and enviable moment of being selected for a greater purpose and allowed a glimpse of a vast truth, but pencils considered it a horrible portent of doom because they always got sharpened during it and came back smaller and closer to death. We were third graders btw.
Oh, this is remarkably of its era. I was just viscerally launched back to the specific amalgamation of meme printouts my roommate and I decorated our bulletin boards with senior year of college.
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my corner store guy is a 50 year old man who's my best friend in the world and recently he was like "you're too pretty to be single I have some nephews you should meet. very handsome!" and I was like "a niece might be more up my alley" and he just got more excited and said "ah even better! I was overselling my nephews but my nieces are very beautiful"
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Fuuuuck dude I got drunk last night and tried to take down the villain on my own and now he’s texting me some ‘I’m the only one allowed to defeat you’ shit bro what do I do
So I promised @discourteouscuttlefish some Cosmos Lore.
I wanna preface this by saying it's a work in progress.
I'm imagining this as a Warhammer novel that doesn't yet exist: Upon a Throne of Glass.
PART 1: COSMOS ALEXANDRIOS (Blood Raven):
Hair: Green (naturally, part of a mutation)
Eyes: Golden Yellow
History:
Cosmos was born on a lower-tech world, the second child of a young couple. When Cosmos, then Trill, was just a baby and his brother Kit was 6, the Black Ships came to his world.
When the Black Ships came, Magdelena and Karim Melthanora were among the tributes chosen to be presented to the Silent Sisters and the Inquisitors. They were part of a travelling carnival, which made hiding their psyker abilities much easier but not foolproof.
With whispers of them being Witches, they were targets. But when the Inquisitors came, Karim sacrificed himself to buy Magdelena and the children time to escape.
Kit had always been a strange, standoffish child, and the stress triggered a mutation that had lain dormant- Kit was a null. Not the most powerful, but in that moment, enough to shield his mother and little brother in the chaos from the prying senses of the Imperium.
They hid until Magdelena could find passage with traders offworld.
Kit's growing abilities as a Null made him incredibly valuable and Magdelena leveraged that as best she could and she swore she would find Karim, wherever he had been taken as she worked as trader and occasional smuggler.
They continued like this for some years, until Trill was about six or seven and Kit was nearly a teenager. The boys left with the captain of the ship they'd been travelling, Magdelena was caught up in a chaotic maelstrom when the world was attacked by the Necrons.
Believing Magdelena to be dead, Captain Jakob brought the ship out of orbit and escaped.
All the while Kit was learning to pilot a ship and developing his abilities to hide them in their travels, Trill's own psyker abilities were growing exponentially stronger. Perhaps it was because he was growing up in proximity to his brother's Null powers, but by the time Magdelena disappeared, Trill was already displaying remarkable gifts.
Jakob, not willing to turn the child over to the Black Ships, and unable to care for someone so young, convinced Kit that the best thing for his little brother would be to bring him to a group of Astartes that Jakob had developed a professional relationship with- a squadron of Blood Ravens led by Captain John Chrysostomos.
Trill was taken in by Captain Chrysostomos and, raised by him equally in the arts of the Librarian and what some other chapters might consider grand theft larceny, would eventually become the Astartes known as Cosmos Alexandrios.
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That person who said that gringos either don't eat any spice at all, or willingly torture themselves with the hottest spices known to humankind, was absolutely right.
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