it's all good, man

So theres this conventionally attractive vase in my parents home and he just so goddamn fuckable!! Hes literaly driving my nuuuuts every time i visit the old evil trolls that are my parents, I want to do some nasty shit to him but I cant because the old troll hag (mother) never leaves the house because shes clinically depressed or something so she saya, im unconvinced, but this vase man!!! Hes tall and wide and glistening in white and gold so as I said veey conventionally attraactive but fuck!! The things id do to him in a better world. What do you suggest i do, fucktron?

Oh, and also:

This video makes me cry every time it’s on my dash and I can’t even iterate why.

You are an adventurer in a generic fantasy world and you use this weapon!