hi i'm josie!

if there's one thing about me it's if you honk at me the literal nanosecond the light turns green I Will be making us both wait another ten seconds and then going 5 under the entire time you're stuck behind me. hold my hand we're learning patience today

I heard his family didn't even have enough to put a curse on his tomb

I'm rooming w a buddy of mine who's Chinese and she started playing some MMO and I was like, what's with the Chinese music and she was like "I just call it music. Just a lil glimpse into how Chinese I am." Which is a funny little response except she is high as fuck and stretched it out to approximately three unbroken minutes because she kept laughing too hard at her own punchline

the thing about het romances is most of them are sexist so even tho i’m meant to root for them ill spend half of it thinking he shouldn’t talk to her like that

are bots making communities now??? some of the ones i get recommended feel like it

can you imagine you wake up one day in a dark room chained to a radiator with your phone at 1% and you unlock it and find that you've been added to this community

The first thing you do in that situation is open Tumblr?

Where the hell else would I post about being chained to a radiator, fucking Bluesky?

damn your pussy fat and long and hard and outside

I habe some bad news

BOTH TOWERS?

I'm in a little local cafe and the women behind the counter started griping to each other, "Oh Christ, Stephen's back again," "It's him, is it? I thought he'd stopped coming," "It's definitely him, look, it's bloody Stephen on a Thursday morning," "Do you want me to get rid of him or are you going to do it?" and so I was peering outside, trying to spot this nightmare customer, this pestilence of a person, this pox upon the cafe trade, and then one of the women from behind the counter ran outside, clapping two trays together loudly and yelling "GET OUT OF IT, STEPHEN!" and it turns out that Stephen is an absolutely gigantic fuck-off seagull who hangs around outside, menacing people for crumbs