An RPG focusing on Liza, a physician who has woken up as a vampire with no memory of her death in 19th century Eastern Europe. Explores themes of political instability, repression, and revolution as well as more personal understandings of morality.
Note for Mac users: I was able to play this through a windows install of steam using crossover.
A sci-fi card battle based game that examines colonialism, environmentalism, and authoritarianism in a lushly illustrated alien landscape.
A beautifully illustrated and slow-paced management sim that focuses on Stella and her cat, Buttercup, as they work to ferry spirits to the afterlife on her boat. This game explores grief in a moving and compelling way. Bring tissues.
Ableism warning: sections of the game do have flashing lights with no current mechanism to disable them.
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having anxiety is like being given permanent unwanted custody of a halter arabian. like okay buddy is it panic time again. cool you probably need more exercise and an apple and then maybe you'll calm down.
thoroughly enjoying the notes on this post because it's equal parts people with anxiety going "yeah that's what it's like" and people with arabians going "yeah that's what they're like"
one day i'm going to write a fic set during their first season after shane joins the centaurs. ilya's pov. everything is great. his life is perfect, after all this time. he gets to play on a team with his husband and he's made friends he's really close to and he wishes he could go back in time and tell ilya of even a year ago that things would get so much better.
and then he starts to notice some things. notice a lack of some things, really. he hasn't heard shane laugh in a long time. his husband's always been a little quiet, doesn't love going out too often, and for a while, ilya assumed it was just that. he knows shane's always needed a bit more time to adjust to things. the season's just started.
but shane gets quieter. he smiles and nods and laughs politely at jokes when they go out as a team, but it's not his real laugh. it's not the sound ilya's grown to love. his smiles don't reach his eyes. there's something about the way he holds his body that feels distant.
ilya's kicking himself for missing it. something's wrong. he doesn't know what, though. because shane goes for his morning runs at 6am, goes to practice, plays just as well as he always has. he's the same beast on the ice he's always been. he makes conversation with the team and helps the rookies out and even comes out, sometimes, with the team after a win. nothing is different. but everything is different. shane is different. because ilya knows his husband, he knows something is off. he's determined to figure out what.
he's not supposed to find out, the day he does. he and shane drove separately that day because he had a dentist appointment before practice in the morning. on the way home he realizes he forgot his wallet, and heads back. shane had decided to stay a bit late. maybe ilya can catch a little of him practicing. he loves watching shane practice by himself. he's been doing it a lot more lately.
the locker room is empty. ilya grabs his wallet, and turns to head out to the rink, when he hears what sounds dangerously close to a sob. a sob ilya knows. one he's heard before. his heart is pounding as he peers around the corner, into the shower area, where his husband is out of his gear and back in his street clothes, face red, cheeks wet. sobbing.
shane stays after practice a few times a week. every week.
Okay... so this is right up my alley.
More weird whimsy and quirk in the romance genre... and more jaded suffer-no-fools women, instead of the creepy age-gaps, please and thank you
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"Hevoslinja" (Trans-Horse) is a European art project started in 2014 by Finnish artist Eero Yli-Vakkuri - according to his own words 'skilless in riding and afraid of animals' at the start.
The aim of the project was to travel 270 km / 168 miles between Helsinki and Turku in Finland, and to highlight the possibility of horse travel in modern society. Since then they've took to promoting horseback efforts in urban landscapes with several European collaborators and artists.
Yli-Vakkuri and collaborators first spent eight months practicing riding to become safely self-sufficient in saddle, and bought a Finnhorse gelding Toivottu Poika ('Awaited Son'). The route followed, as closely as possible, the old coastal royal country road of the premodern era, Kuninkaantie/Suuri Rantatie, and took 9 days.
Toivottu Poika is a very average example of his breed, standing at some 155 cm / 15.1 hh tall. The Finnhorse is a relative of for example the North-Norwegian Lyngshest breed, the Icelandic horse, the Swedish Gotlandsruss pony and the Estonian landrace horse and Tori horse breed. It is a mid-sized light draught and trotter, a sensibly realistic mediaeval country travel horse equivalent.
For more hardcore short-term treks, looking into competitive endurance riding can be helpful. Mongol Derby might be one of the most intense races, as it recreates the Chinggis Khan era postal system of swapping horses continuously over a 1000 km / 620 mile route.
By only including skilled endurance riders, keeping up a constant fast speed and swapping horses every 40 km / 25 mil, the Mongol Derby route only takes 10 days even though it's several times the length of the Trans-Horse project. This is the speed of highly organised imperial messengers with the supporting cultural infrastructure, professional marathon runners where Yli-Vakkuri and Toivottu poika were leisure hikers.
The Mongolian landrace horse is a very distant relative of the breeds above, but much lighter and smaller than the agriculturally focused modern Finnhorse - typicaly standing at 142 cm / 14 hh at most. (This would've also been common for Finnhorses before the 19th century.) What really differentiates them from Western breeds, however, is the way they're trained and raised in semi-feral herds, and it's said that while the rider may decide where the pair is headed, the horse is the one to decide how to get there.
also it's not quite google maps, but there is a lovely site called Viabundus!
the last i checked, the map of roads stretches from Calais, France to Moscow, Russia west to east and from KoΕ‘ice, Slovakia to Tornio, Finland south to north. it doesn't cover all of Europe, for example Sweden and Norway are empty at the moment, but it is quite extensive and still being worked on! in addition to showing the old roads, you can calculate the distance and travel time from one city to another, and there are a lot of options:
and that's not all! here's a description from the site itself (emphasis mine):
"Viabundus is a freely accessible online street map of late medieval and early modern northern Europe (1350-1650). Originally conceived as the digitisation of Friedrich Bruns and Hugo Weczerka's Hansische HandelsstraΓen (1962) atlas of land roads in the Hanseatic area, the Viabundus map moves beyond that. It includes among others: a database with information about settlements, towns, tolls, staple markets and other information relevant for the pre-modern traveller; a route calculator; a calendar of fairs; and additional land routes as well as water ways."
it's quite neat and also free! i hope someone else finds it as fascinating and cool as i did :)
This was the crossword puzzle in the New York Times yesterday.Β
Tausigβs crossword is a so-called SchrΓΆdinger puzzle, named for the physicistβs hypothetical cat that is at once both alive and dead. In a SchrΓΆdinger puzzle, select squares have more than one correct letter answer: They exist in two states at once. βBlack Halloween animal,β for example, could be both BAT or CAT, yielding two different but perfectly correct puzzles. Only 10 such puzzles have now been published in Times history.
Itβs the theme of Tausigβs puzzle, though, that makes it special. Four entries in Thursdayβs crossword can include either an βFβ or an βM.β Both are correct; neither is wrong. For example, βPart of a houseβ can be either ROOF or ROOM. The long βrevealerβ answer, tying those select entries together and spanning 11 squares smack-dab in the middle of the puzzle, is GENDER FLUID.
This puzzle, with βMβs and βFβs that arenβt fixed, is a masterful blend of subject and structure. βIt potentially really evokes what gender fluidity is, which is not moving back and forth between two poles, but actually not being committed to either pole, and potentially existing in many states at different times,β Tausig said.
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It's Hozier, but is it Hollanov?: A ranking of Hozier songs based on how Hollanov they are
We know Hozier's music is often used for Blorbo feelings fodder, but I find some of the traditional shipping songs don't actually work for Hollanov's vibe. This is both an excuse to re-listen to all of Hozier's mainline albums (and whatever singles I choose to interact with) and rank them based on how relevant they are to Hollanov's love story and characterizations. Crucially, I'm NOT ranking how much I like these songs or how good they are as music, just how much they make me think of Hollanov as a couple or individual characters at different points of the story. Also, I'm going to stick to canon narrative (book and show) for this, but that is subjective to my interpretation. You can disagree though. I'll probably enjoy reading your thoughts.
The Ranking System:
I'm Coming to the Cottage -> This song is them in every possible way, in every possible time period and era, and describes an aspect of their love story.
Is Just a Plan to Fuck-> The song fits them but just in a horny way.
Shanalysis-> This song is a Shane understander.
Ilyanalysis-> This song is an Ilya understander.
Don't Worry it Will Fit-> There are elements of this song that could connect with aspects of Hollanov's story, but I'm probably stretching it.
What's YouTube?-> This song is irrelevant to Hollanov's journey. Still Hozier though, so you should listen.
Alright here we go!
Part 1: Hozier (the self-titled album)
"Take me to Church"
Ranking: I'm Coming to the Cottage
This one wins out for the chorus alone. All-encompassing love that comes with intense physical, life changing attraction. That's them. And argument can be made that this is an Ilyanalysis contender because Ilya would 100% be more likely than Shane to use religion as a language of devotion, but I think that the lyrics about desire point to Shane as well.
Notable Lyric: "I was born sick, but I love it, command me to be well."
"Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene"
Ranking: What's Youtube?
Despite Ilya's smoking and weed use, this song's allusions to drug use both literal metaphorical don't really fit with Hollanov's more sober encounters. They are drunk off each other, but they're always in their right minds.
"Jackie and Wilson"
Ranking: Ilyanalysis
This is him. The way that Ilya sees his love for Shane as an anchoring force, something that is going to save him, something that he must learn to deserve, that's all Ilya. This is a happy song, but I think it speaks to Ilya's desire for love and affection when he's gone without it for so long. We'll just ignore the part in the end about it being a fling, but in a way Ilya is never really secure in his attachment to Shane. He wants forever with him, but is unsure if he'll get it.
Notable Lyric: "I need to be youthfully felt, 'cause God, I've never felt young."
"Someone New"
Ranking: What's YouTube?
I don't see much connection here. These lyrics are way more self aware than I think Shane or Ilya could ever be. There's possible elements of TLG Ilya in there, but they're just too in love to really be involved in this somewhat jaded song.
"To Be Alone"
Ranking: Shanalysis (possibly What's YouTube)
There's a lot of elements to the lyrics of this song, but if we take it as referring to addictive and conflicting sexual encounters, I think we can apply that to some of Shane's early sexual experiences and self-discovery. However, there are strong elements of this song pointing to it being about a sexual assault victim, so I'm hesitant to make that a definitive ranking.
"From Eden"
Ranking: Don't Worry it Will Fit
This is not the MOST relevant song to them, but there's something there that reminds me of Shane's view of Ilya, how he intrigues him, and how Shane in turn intrigues Ilya with his wholesomeness. They are both also entangled with other people for a lot of their early years, and experience the first pangs of jealousy for each other before realizing their feelings.
Notable Lyric: "There's something lonesome about you, Something so wholesome about you, Don't you agree?"
"In a Week" Feat. Karen Crowley
Ranking: I'm Coming to the Cottage+++++++++
This song has EVERYTHING for Hollanov, specifically cottage Hollanov. Something about the imagery of lying there and decaying makes me think of them isolated in the country, falling in love in this indulgent isolation. The death imagery also calls to mind the old medieval metaphor of death being a stand-in for orgasm. Also, the way the lovers in the song are experiencing deep relaxation and enlightenment from their time together reminds me of Hollanov's sweet haven away from the world.
Notable Lyric: "I have never known sleep like this slumber that creeps to me, I have never known color like this morning reveals to me" AND "I'd be home with you."
"Sedated"
Ranking: What's Youtube?
Nah, this song is very much about addiction and drug use specifically. Like, maybe if you take the drug allusions as metaphorical you can squeeze some Ilyanalysis out of it? But neither of them really try to self-medicate in that way, even when Ilya is in the throes of depression.
"Work Song"
Ranking: I'm Coming to the Cottage
This is absolutely long-term relationship and married Hollanov. I can find lyrics in here that are relevant to both of them and their feelings for each other. The way they see the best in each other, sometimes almost blind to each other's faults because of their deep love. There's something very relevant to Shane here, in that he loves to imagine that it's him and Ilya against the world. But there's also Ilya in there, reveling in how Shane loves him despite his perceived faults. There's also a vibe of invincibility, in that they can conquer anything as long as they're together. (This is my all time favorite Hozier song btw, and I cried human tears when I watched him perform it live)
FANON ALERT: This song has copious uses of the endearment "baby," and sue me, I think Ilya is Shane's baby. PUT ME IN JAIL.
Notable Lyric: "I just think about my baby, I'm so full of Love I could barely eat."
"Like Real People Do"
Ranking: Shanalysis
This song has a lot of allusions to bogs in folklore as they relate to a new relationship, and I interpret it as having meanings related to queerness. Shane goes on a journey of letting go and accepting his queerness, ultimately finding his counterpart in Ilya. When he accepts that he is not going to have that "normal" relationship with a woman, Shane realizes that instead he's in love love with a man, and seeks to claim that love when he sees Ilya again in Tampa. Shane's story has a bittersweet quality to it, because his sincerity is up against Ilya's doubts. Shane is running from a "bog" of his own making, and in accepting himself let's the "swamp" overtake him and allows himself to lose control, and in doing so he is rewarded with something "real."
Notable Lyric: "We should just kiss like real people do."
"It Will Come Back"
Ranking: Ilyanalysis
If the previous track is all Shane, this one is all Ilya. He resists falling into a relationship with Shane, but ultimately fails. Ilya often sees himself as unworthy of Shane's love, and this song makes me think of Ilya saying "Don't fucking do this, Hollander" and "You don't like me" in the Tampa hotel room. There's practical reasons why this love can't happen for them, the Russia of it all, but there's also internal reasons. Ilya doesn't think he's good or deserving of it. This also relates to a later Ilya in The Long Game, who wants to be good enough for Shane, and be okay with their situation, even though it's aggravating his mental health issues. I think, in his heart, Ilya thinks he loves Shane more than Shane loves him, and sees himself almost as this "howling" thing outside Shane's door, like in the song. Musically, I also think the halting, distorted guitars feels like Ilya's conflicted anguish, even as he enjoys every minute he gets with Shane.
Notable Lyric: "Jesus Christ, don't be kind to me, honey, don't feed me, I will come back."
"Foreigner's God"
Ranking: Don't Worry it Will Fit (possibly What's Youtube?)
This one is tough. The song is describing a person who is in love with a woman who doesn't bend to patriarchal traditions, which is somewhat a metaphor for a complicated relationship to one's homeland. In canon, Ilya isn't really sad about leaving Russia, so I don't know if this really works for him, but I think there's a way to apply it.
FANON ALERT: There are plenty of great fics that explore a more complex relationship to homeland and family in Ilya. In those cases, a song like this applies more.
"Cherry Wine - Live"
Ranking: What's Youtube?
Despite my love for this song, it's really about the contradictions in the narrator's feelings about their abusive relationship, so no canon Hollanov for me there.
FANON ALERT: All of you Hollanov toxic relationship and trial separation and divorce truthers, behold! A song for you.
Overall Ranking: Solid Hollanov album, with a few songs that don't apply. Musically, Hozier's gritty but full vocals accurately portray the emotions of this story. Also, the lighter toned songs are welcome, because Hollanov are ultimately a happy couple.
Coming Soon:
Part Two: "Wasteland, Baby!" and other assorted singles
re-reading the long game, which i didn't do to write my therapy meta, i just read the therapy scenes, and it's like a smack to the face realizing how much ilya's shitty fucking therapist telling him that shane has things unfairly good and doesn't appreciate how much ilya is suffering is the turning point. before that ilya is depressed and lonely and longing for shane, and then it's like his therapist hands him this explanation for all of his pain where it's shane's fault, and from that point on he's seething with resentment and anger. the sadness is replaced with rage. he's angry at shane when shane is the victim of homophobic harassment by the league. he pins shane into a wall when they fight.
like. inadvertently a terrific description of the dangers of therapeutic harm. ilya is carelessly fed this narrative where he is being victimized and that creates even more distance between himself and his loving partner, who, on top of their difficult circumstances, he is already pushing away because of his depression. ilya ends up feeling even more isolated and also nearly commits an act of domestic violence. in context it's really striking. and really sad.
I want to show off my biggest handspun project yet! I offered to make handspun/handknit gifts for Christmas this year, and my brother requested a black hoodie. The yarn is a three ply worsted, and it's two singles plied with black angora. The singles are a blend of Black Welsh Mountain, Perendale, Merino, and alpaca. Normally I like to spin absolute eye burner yarns, but my brother likes more subtle things π Still, I love the natural color variations in it! It took months but he LOVES it and it was so worth it π
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