a dumbass with stupid issues but you're here anyway | i'm lo or blank | i use it/he/she pls don't use they | op is a dream stan but it's okay i support my boy in his hobbies | my gender is none of my business actually
Β TAGS: art is #my art, writing is #my snippets, #my aus, #my writing, and occasionally #my wips. personal tag (as well as most og posts) is #lo's stuff. Disco Inquisition / the eye sees not itself (my disco elysium style dragon age fic) is tagged as #disco inquisition. i post/reblog a log of fic recs (mostly heated rivalry) under #fic recs, because i love fic and i think everyone should read the things i like. i'm an unbiased source, you see.
i'm on ao3! go check it out if you like some of my writing! i have. insanities.
i have another blog, @tljsnarutoblog, where i mainly just post as tianlang-jun from my svsss sci-fi fic re: write. there's a sequel with him in mind so keep an eye on that if you want! however it's... mostly naruto. and occassional Vibes.
i'm in so many fandoms that at this point it's easier to assume i'm on it. don't worry about it. also, the queue button is alive and well, i'm just really bad at tagging queue posts, so best of luck figuring out when i'm online.
if you come onto my post to tell me i've gotten a detail from a novel or whatever wrong i am entitled to both financial compensation and a pound of flesh from you. you'd think this would be obvious but some people insist on continually aggravating me. be warned. i'll rip that chunk out myself with my teeth.
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anyway i love shane i love ilya i love hollanov i love heated rivalry i love headcanons i love fanart i love fic i love shitposting i love having fun w my friends on the internet i love being cringe and free i love letting people enjoy things i love focusing on stuff i like and not stuff i hate and most importantly i love You π«΅
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imagine jj after the tripping incident feeling so very apologetic and tries to make it up to shane and ilya and toes the line of overcompensating sometimes. and ilya and shane just absolutely runs with it
so now hayden canβt say a singular bad thing about ilya with jj because jj will immediately go no heβs a good dude youβre just too hard on him shane really likes him. and haydenβs like. fuckkk he canβt have anyone on his side his wife and children loves ilya now jj loves ilya too eugh
itβs just really funny to imagine ilya and jj tag teaming hayden and bending over laughing because of how pissed off hayden is yk
extremely funny scenario in which rose joins shane as his plus one and moral support for going after the guy he wants at all stars because she can be his buddy and also his cover for making up for lost time with ilya
which is complicated by the fact that ilya takes one look at rose and shane at the bar (rose's arm looped through shane's in what ilya doesn't know is just a friends move) and BOOKS IT so he doesn't have to see this
and then proceeds to avoid them at EVERY fucking turn
this all terminates into rose going "fuck it I'm a true bro and I'm making this happen so help me GOD" and managing to arrange locking them in a closet together (which is. so funny. but this is not the time to point out the punchline.) (she'll save it.) so ilya can't run away.
and it's very sweet and they have their moment of honesty and yay back to ilya's room now fo-
the-the door is locked.
because it turns out that rose got a LITTLE too enthusiastic in locking it after her plan worked PERFECTLY and now something in the mechanism is broken.
so in one sense, shane did come out of the closet, but in another sense that's going to be funny only probably a few months from now, he AND ilya are now stuck in the closet in a way that is both metaphorical and also. painfully literal.
This scenario is also raising mental images of Rose from Minnesota "I have brothers" Landry being so determined to pin Ilya down to make him talk with Shane that all glamourous movie star persona drops away and she just fucking tackles him, and Ilya has no idea how to react to this attack so she actually succeeds in wrestling him to the ground
Shane's looking slightly scared by all this in the background, Ilya's saying "Shane! Your girlfriend attacked me!" And she's going "I'm NOT his girlfriend, now you two are going to TALK to each other, or so help me god" and drags them both to the closet
the idea of petite movie star rose landry tapping into her roots and turning into a linebacker to take down giant professional athlete ilya rozanov is SO goddamn funny
because also ilya would NOT know how to fucking react
like he wrestles with svetlana for fun but this is?? NOT FUN?? IS THIS?? AN ATTACK?? WHAT THE F U C K IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?? HE CAN'T ACTUALLY HIT HER BUT HE IS BEING FUCKING?? PINNED DOWN?? OH MY GOD???? DID HOLLANDER TELL HER ABOUT THEIR PAST TOGETHER????? IS THIS JEALOUSY?? THAT'S EXCITING BUT ALSO GET?? OFF??? WHAT THE FUCK???
"she's not my girlfriend!" "i'm not his girlfriend!"
*brief moment of ooooh??? yay???? before returning to 'pinned to the ground with his face in the dirt' reality* "OKAY WELL GET YOUR WHATEVER OFF OF ME."
ilyas literally texting shane everyday begging for it he wants it sooooo bad he doesnt care if he got to have his face shoved into shanes pussy for an hour the night before hes texting shane like its been a month without him. the best part is he doesnt even need to beg hes just that down bad
i do actually think shane would take ilya's fist and beg for more. and thats a fact
and then ilya's says some crazy shit about putting dick in beside his hand so he can jerk off in shane's hole and they'd both come so hard they'd see god
....for one of their anniversaries, ilya's present is a little line halfway up his forearm with the year of the anniversary on it and no one will know what it is except shane, whos goal is always to make that disappear in himself
to continue...
and if i said this is how shane and ilya, as elite athletes, say i love you to each other? then what?
what if this, handing over shane's body, letting ilya reshape it because the other passion their lives in hockey has done so much to reshape it, is love?
handing over this part of himself to ilya that no one else has even thought to injure. all the other parts of him have been hit and slashed and driven into the boards and exhausted by trainers.
this one...everything that happens, happens because of ilya. what if i said that. then what?
I was inspired by this post to write about how I think this would go...
****
It's 1:30am when Marleau calls. Ilya would have slept through it if Shane hadn't wacked him in the face with a pillow and mumbled "Dude, your phone is ringing, make it stop."
"Oh." Ilya rubs his eyes and picks up his phone. "It's Marly."
"Probably drunk calling you again." Shane says into his pillow.
"I will just make sure he is alright. Go back to sleep." Ilya says, running a hand through Shane's hair.
"Mmmm...kay.."
He heads out of the dark bedroom, tripping on a pair of disarded pants (his), closes the door behind him and switches on the hallway light. "Marly, are you calling me because you forgot your address to tell the Uber driver again..."
He stops, because it sounds like the person on the other end of the phone is crying. Ilya pauses, double checks. Yup, it's Marleau's name on the screen.
"Roz, I'm sorry, bro...."
"Are you okay? What's going on?"
His best friend hiccups. "I...I..."
"Marly, what is it? What did you do?"
"I'm straight!" Marleau almost wails.
Ilya sits down on the floor, his back against the bedroom door. If this is a dream it is a very weird one.
"Um.. okay... I know that. Why are you telling me this in the middle of the night?"
"Because I tried. I really tried, okay, I promise." Marly's voice is slurred, his words running into each other. Okay, so Shane was right about the drunk part...
"You tried what?"
"Guys, Roz, guys! Well, one guy. Figured I should just start with the one guy. And at first it was okay, kissing him was fine, and I liked it when he sucked my dick, that was really good, but then I went to suck his and it was just weird and gross! It tasted all sweaty and I didn't know what to do with my teeth and my tongue and then he told me to fuck him and I figured I could do that, cause he was like, turned around, so I thought it would be just like with a girl, but his balls were right there and I swear they were looking at me, and I... I couldn't do it! I made him leave..I'm sorry."
Marleau takes a breath for the first time and Ilya takes the oppertunity to jump in. "Marly, are you telling me you got drunk and hooked up with a guy?"
"What? No, the drunk part came later. I figured I had to be sober to see if I really liked it."
Ilya pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes. "Okay, yeah, good, that's... I guess that's good." He takes a deep breath. "What guy? Where did you find him?"
"On Grindr."
"What?!"
"Well yeah, it seemed like the quickest way."
"Since when are you on Grindr?"
"Um, since this afternoon. I made a profile saying I was curious. I got a lot of matches, and this one guy said he would show me what I was missing, so I just invited him over."
"Oh my god, Marly, you're lucky you didn't get murdered! Okay, so you tried it and it wasn't for you, that's fine." Ilya says. "I don't understand why you're so upset about it."
"Because..." Marleau sniffs. "I thought maybe I could be bisexual too. You know, like you. But I'm not, okay, I'm not and I'm sorry, and... and..." he hiccups. "Are we even still going to be best friends if we can't talk about sucking dick together?" he wails.
"Marly, what the hell do you mean?"
"Well you know, that's how we bond, you and me, we talk about the girls we like and hook up with, and all that, and now you're like, in a proper relationship with a dude, and that's totally great, I'm happy for you, you know that, but that means you're never gonna be interested in girls again, so like, what are we even going to talk about?"
Ilya puts the phone on his knee so he can rub both his eyes."Marly. Bro. Are you telling me you hooked up with a guy because you thought it make us stay friends?"
"Well, I don't know. I'm sure you have all these gay friends now who you can talk to about fucking guys, so maybe you don't need me anymore and..."
"Marleau, you beautiful idiot." Ilya interrupts. "I can't believe I have to actually say this, but I am not friends with you just so I have someone to talk to about my hookups."
"You're not?"
"No. I am friends with you because I like you as a person."
"Really?"
"Yes. I promise."
Marleau sniffs again. "Okay. So I'm still your best friend?"
"Yes."
"Cool, that's cool."
They are both quiet for a few seconds. Marleau blows his nose.
"I cannot believe you sucked a guy's dick just to try to stay friends with me." Ilya says.
"Shut up." Marleau sounds almost like himself again. Crisis averted.
"No seriously, I think that is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me..."
"Fuck you."
Ilya laughs, and he can hear Marleau laugh too. "I'm going back to bed now, okay? Will you be alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry about me."
"Okay, I love you, dude. Even if you are straight."
"Thanks Roz. I needed to hear that. Love you too."
Ilya hangs up, chuckles to himself. Then he gets up, goes back to the bedroom, switching on the big light. "Shane, wake up, you are going to freak when you hear what Marly just did!"
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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ok but now we must all picture fat baby shane in a little lifejacket being tossed into the lake off the dock and floating around like a dazed little marshmallow
