a former male friend of suffered years of psychological, emotional, and physical abuse at the hands of his girlfriend. Note: He was a large guy (a good 6'1, pretty muscular, and knew about fighting from past years of his dad teaching him some moves he had learned from martial arts training from when he was young)
Now, his girlfriend was a measly little bitch (I know itâs bad to throw around that term âIts so harmful to women blah blahâ she was barely human, and I dont even think sheâs worthy of being considered a âwomanâ so Iâll call her what I like for this story) barely scraping 5'3, not a muscle on her, the bone and body structure of a 12 year old. You may be thinking âI get how she could abuse him mentally, but how on earth could she physically abuse someone who could easily put her through some drywallâ the answer: People like y'all.
This worm of a human would slap and punch him in the face as hard as she could, hit him in his groin, kick him in his bad knee (he broke when he was younger and it never quite healed right); stab him with things like crochet needles, forks, her nails, small eyebrow scissors, etc. If she was mad at him she would put allergens in his food (He was lactose intolerant to a pretty bad degree and would get horrible stomach aches, cramps, digestive problems, and nausea if he consumed dairy) so she would put regular milk in his coffee instead of the lactose free milk he drank, as well as regular dairy products in things like desserts she would bake, soup, smoothies she would make him; Anything she could hide milk, cream, or cheese in without him noticing.
Again, some of you might be thinking âWhy didnât he catch on, fight back, leave, etcâ Well, Iâll tell you why: Itâs because he was not only a victim of abuse who was regularly told he was loved by his abuser, despite all the abuse, but he was also a victim of a society which regularly told him that he was not a victim of anything. He was larger than her, smart, financially stable, and everything you think would be needed to magically âGet out and surviveâ as you say.
She made sure he didnât fight back, she would tell him things that no person should be told, like how âshe wish she was the man in the relationship so she could rape himâ, or how she could kill him and he wouldnât be able to fight back without her telling her father he was beating her, to which her dad would promptly âStab him in the neckâ; she told him he was useless, pathetic, weak, and ânothing but a dick for her to rideâ. After all these things he would still not leave, ya wanna know why?
Because after she was done, sheâd tell him she loved him, that he didnât have to worry about talking about his interests with her because she loved hearing about them, how he didnât have to worry about crying in front of her because she wouldnât think any less of him. She would speak of their future and her amazing laughs and smiles she would share with him, she would comfort him when he was sad and tell him everything he wanted to hear.
And thatâs how he didnât âescape and surviveâ for 2 years, and tolerated endless abuse. He finally left when his brother-in-law invited him and his âgirlfriendâ to his house to play games and hangout for 4th of July. Unbeknownst to the maggot, his BiL had security cameras around his house from a former break in, and those same cameras caught her punching, kicking, and swinging at him with a metal knife-sharpening rod (I donât know what theyâre called but theyâre the heavy ass metal ones the chefs use) because he said that he wasnt comfortable with her driving after she drank the whole night.
His BiL promptly kicked her across the room as she was hitting him and got him locked in a room and her out the house with threats of the police. It took a solid 3 weeks of slowly opening up to his family, telling stories, ignoring berating texts and calls and threats from her, and having to move all of his stuff out of their shared apartment in the 6 hour window she was at work because he was genuinely terrified she would show up.
Endless nights were spent having panic attacks, nightmares, being coaxed into getting therapy and counseling, and finally admitting to himself that he had been abused. And after that, was a flurry of him trying to get acceptance.
Almost every domestic abuse counselor was marketed to women, as well as meetings where he was the only man in the room; people assuming he was gay and had to have been abused by a man, or that his girlfriend was a martial arts master or other countless ridiculous things instead of just accepting that he was a victim of domestic abuse by a woman, as a man.
Does the domestic violence against women outweigh the violence against men? From the studies, most likely. Does that make either violence easier, more acceptable, less traumatic or less debilitating? Fuck. No.
So, in conclusion, men can be, and are being abused. Is it different than female abuse? Yes. But poisoning someoneâs drink is different than poisoning someoneâs food, but it is still poison. So get y'alls heads out of y'alls asses and help men instead of spouting a bunch of shit at them to make yourself looks like the bigger victim. Say âOur cases are different, but are both traumatic and painful, and I will do all I can to helpâ
To ALL domestic abuse victims. You are strong, you are truly loved, and there is help out there, no matter where in life you are. Never hesitate to message me if you need to talk.
