Word salad farm

we do not have natural gas to my knowledge.

At first I thought it was cat pee, but it is gradually getting more spoiled milk smelling, and it comes and goes in waves. It is only in my room and has been bothering me for a week now.

I've tried smelling around to see if it gets stronger in any particular area and found no difference.

the smell is not on me either.

I have cleaned the carpet both with a machine and scent remover spray and it did nothing. nothing odd in any boxes or shelves either.

the rest of the house and outside are completely fine.

so my three top guesses at this point are:

something died in the air vent

something died under the house and the wind is blowing it though cracks in the floor boards

my cat is having rank farts from the new wet food that she has been eating and is continuosly filled with gas

I am starting to lose my mind. I might have to go into the crawlspace under the house tomarrow to check that a stray or whatever hasn't died down there.

Normally I would be happy to have an excuse to go in the crawlspace but I just want this heinous revolving stench to be gone.

an omnipotent creator being almost certainly doesn't exist but if it does, it's a supervillain

gods shouldn't exist but we keep creating them to use as weapons. and no one knows how to defuse one

gods don't exist which is a relief bc otherwise we'd be forced to hunt them down for execution

creator god exists and we owe it nothing (DEEPLY unqualified)

god/s abandoned us and it hurt at the time but in hindsight we escaped a highly toxic relationship

It's an agnostic one where both the presence and absence of god are equally horrifying.

on one hand it's neglectful dog owner leaving a hot car with several animals inside unattended, and on the other it's fucked up that we would do this shit over a foundation of nothing. like yeah god exists there and has evidence to support it but that doesn't change anything about the lives of the things living there. Even if their creator god came back it wouldn't be much better because god is kind of a scummy person even on the best of days. If an all knowing all loving god truely was all knowing and all loving none of this would have happened nor continue to happen. Either it knows and doesn't care the way wanted or needed of it, or it cares but has just as limited and biased of view as pretty much any earthly being. But similar to having toxic parents, the little kid in your heart still cries out in hopes of tending that is desperately needed. People find themselves clawing for scraps of affection until their fingers bleed.

It likely comes as no surprise that I have been using this to work through some things.