Light me a New York torch, my boys

(It’s a bit long sorry)

Time passes too quickly.

It’s 5 in the afternoon, and you’re walking in the woods, as you always do at this time of the day. The grass is tickling your bare feet, your hand strokes the leaves of the nearby bushes, your other hand is holding your shoes. It’s silent, as much as a forest can be – birds chirp, bugs buzz, something moves in the branches, but you’re still alone, and free of stress.

“Wouldn’t it be nice to stay here, forever?” You say to yourself. “Just for once?”

wendigilly has it but its the shitty 2003 dubbed re-release edition that changed half the score and legitimately just, butchered half of the iconic scenes in the film to make it "more appealing to a broader audience." half of it was straight up censorship (Katya's garters, the shot of the razor at the beginning of the opening, the part with the ashtray, the dialogue at the end of the balcony scene) but half of it was just bizarre (changing the name of the laundromat, changing rosemary to fennel in the balcony scene dialogue even though YOU CAN STILL SEE ON THE SCREEN THAT IT'S ROSEMARY, whatever the FUCK was going on with that cgi dog, you know the one)

that's why it annoys me so much when that fuckin grandfather clock appears in Goncharov edits, THAT WASN'T EVEN IN THE ORIGINAL FILM, they edited the shot of the grandfather clock in over the final few seconds of the mirror scene because they decided emilio kissing the fingers of the severed hand and,, doing That was "gratuitous" and "disturbing"

Lmaoooo

Nah I getchu. So this post has been circulating for like a year:

But yesterday, it had inspired someone to do this:

Next thing I knew there were fake Letterboxed reviews.

Goncharov moodboards. Really good ones.

Meta analysis. So many fake meta essays. Disturbingly good ones. And of course the memes.

As you can see, the myth just started to grow, characters and ships and tropes being added one after the other, almost bizzarely without contradiction, until there was enough of shape to the whole thing for people to start posting fanfic about it on AO3. "Ice-pick Joe" has already become a meme tag.

It was hilarious in the beginning, but the way it's developed within less than a day, kind of like it's being willed into existence, is freaking me out a bit. We're toying with powers beyond our comprehension. 😂😂😂

Of course, there could be an ulterior motive as well.

I didn't even describe the posts as I usually do because I thought only like 5 people would see it. Can someone please do that cos I feel like an asshole when I make inaccessible posts.

IMAGE 1

[Image ID:

A screenshot of a Tumblr post. The OP is by @zootycoon with a cat-eared computer icon. At the top is a close-up of a white person holding up a black hightop sneaker tongue to display the label. In an all-caps font like a movie poster, the sewn on label reads:

"<in black>THE GREATEST MAFIAMOVIE EVER MADE

<in red> MARTIN SCORSESE PRESENTS

<in black, bold> GONCHATOV

<black subtext> DOMENICO PROCACCI PRODUCTION

A FILM BY NATTED JWHJ0715

ABOUT THE NAPLES MAFIA"

The body of the text reads:

"i got these knockoff boots online and instead of the brand name on the tag they have the name of an apparently nonexistent martin scorsese movie??? what the fuck"

The reblog below it is from @loseremo with a green fruit icon. The addition is simply a screenshot of a comment from dark mode from @abandonedambition with a trans flag Azrael head icon. It reads:

"this idiot hasn't seen goncharov" /End ID]

IMAGE 2

[Image ID: A screenshot of a Tumblr post by @beelzeebub with a white, brown-haired person wearing round shades as their icon. The post is a very convincing mock-up of a 1970's mafioso film, with most of the details taken from the original shoe. The featured actors listed at the top are Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Gene Hackman, and Harvey Keitel.

The title is riddled with bullet holes and reads in all caps:

[in black] MARTIN SCORSESE PRESENTS

[in red] GONCHAROV

[subtext, black] A FILM BY MAYYEO JWHJ O715

The quote off to the side is in red, and reads in all caps: WINTER COMES TO NAPLES.

The body of the poster features a pink gradient sky. On the right is a landscape of block apartments; to left is a far off shot of whar looks like Saint Basil's Cathedral.

The main figure is a white man with slicked back brown hair and a trimmed mustache in an overcoat, holding a submachine gun. Around him, going clockwise, is a white man with short, unstyled hair and an eyepatch over his left eye; a man with black hair and a black tuxedo holding an unidentified object; a white man with dark brown hair in a grey suit with red vest and tie, smoking; a white man with a full brown mustache wearing a Soviet ushanka and a heavy grey coat, holding a handgun; and a blonde white woman wearing a light grey fur coat and red lipstick. In front of the characters and bordering the bottom of the poster is a black line partially on fire, with an unidentifiable civilian car up in flames.

Below this is a quote reading, in all caps:

[In black]"THE GREATEST MAFIA MOVIE EVER MADE."

[In red]A DOMENICO PROCACCI PRODUCTION

The film credits read as follows:

Robert De Niro as "Lo Straniero/Goncharov" Al Pacino as "Mario Ambrosini" Harvey Keitel as "Andrey 'The Banker' Daddano" Gene Hackman as "Valery Michailov" John Cazale as "Joseph 'Ice Pick Joe' Morelli" and Cybil Shepherd as "Katya"

Written by MATTEO JWHJ0715 Produced by DOMENICO PROCACCI Directed by MARTIN SCORSESE Production Services by BEELZ

Below this fabricated and convincingly aged movie poster, the post reads:

Goncharov (1973) dir. Martin Scorsese

[In italics] "The greatsst mafia movie (n)ever made." /End ID]

IMAGE 3

[Image ID: A screenshot of a Tumblr post by user @fircyk with a statue head as their icon. The post reads:

"goncharov (1973) was just. ok let's put robert de niro, cybill shepherd and al pacino in a fucked up murderous love triangle in italy." /End ID]

IMAGE 4

[Image ID: A screenshot of a Tumblr post by user @hanniecat922, featuring a white person with fluffy hair steepling their fingers. The post reads:

"Say what you want about Ice Pick Joe, but we stan a guy who:

1. Knows what he wants to do (stab ppl)

2. Knows how he wants to do it (with an ice pick).

Best character in Goncharov (1973) by far. Y'all can fight me about it.

The tags at the bottom read:

#goncharov1973 #goncharov (1973) #goncharov #john cazale /End ID]

IMAGE 5

[Image ID: A screenshot of a Tumblr post by user @grazdan with a swirling galaxy as their icon. The post starts with a faked news screenshot, supposedly panning down the (still very false) Goncharov (1973) movie poster. It is supposedly being broadcast live, with a breaking news title is cut off, partially reading:

"GONCHAROV II: KATYA'S REVENGE" IN ..."

The time is 16:06. The scrolling news bar at the bottom reads:

"ELON MUSK FOUND DEAD IN A DUMPSTER AFTER PROCLAIMING HE WILL BUY TUMBLR.C ..."

Below this fake "screenshot", the post reads in all caps:

"OH MY GOD YOU GUYS SCORCESE IS FINALLY DOING IT AFTER 49 years!!!!!!" /End ID]

IMAGE 6

[Image ID: A screenshot of a Tumblr post by @notsolstice with a wailing ghost gremlin as their icon. The post reads:

"are we welcoming new users to this website by posting abput the 1973 hit martin scorsese presents goncharov the greatest mafia movie ever made or is that just a coincidence."

The tags below read:

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters