The problem with "treat yourself like you would treat a friend :)" is that I can't treat myself like I treat someone that I'm not personally responsible of. I don't have to make anyone else get out of bed. I don't have to make anyone else do their work. I don't have to make anyone else maintain a social life. I don't have to make anyone else do their hobbies and chores. I'm not in charge of anyone else's life, of course I don't have to hold them to the same standards. And I can't verbally express how fast my entire shit would asplode if I treated myself like I treat people who are not my personal responsibility.

This is why these days I'm treating myself like a child that I'm trying to look after and teach.

Abandoning myself to some rich couple's doorstop in hopes of being able to give myself a better life.

turns out i am gay

holy shit how’d this alpaca learn how to type

Diversity win! The alpaca is gay!

he was a llama

well thank god he’s not dead

i swear if the wizard doesnt let me out of his abandoned salt mine soon im gonna fucking LOSE IT

what did you do to be put into the salt mine

i MAY have eaten his special wizard meal. but i think he should let me out tbh

was it good? was it worth it? are you able to bear the weight of your sin?

im not gonna lie it was fucking delicious i would fucking do it again. wait shit youre the fucking wizard in disguise seeing if ive learned my lesson arent you. fuck.

10 YEARS IN THE ABANDONED SALT MINE.

I feel cheated. no one on Reddit told me that tumblr is a serotonin factory. Keep liking and reblogging my posts please thanks

Just don't fly too close to the sun.

Throw me to the sun and I’ll get it pregnant

he understands the website your honour

That’s a tarot card

#This is the representation I’ve been looking for

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?

if I wrote a dystopian novel where the corrupt evil megacorporation that controls society has a fucking smirk for a logo, my editor would tell me to use a less heavy-handed metaphor

You've heard of parallel play, now get ready for perpendicular play.

Hot cross buns?

I realize this is a cast iron gate but I’m choosing to believe it’s a magic protection ritual

It IS a magic protection ritual, and it summons an iron gate to protect you from intruders. 

“I cast Iron Gate!”

As a blacksmith I have been called a wizard by several small kids

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

I miss the days when, no matter how slow your internet was, if you paused any video and let it buffer long enough, you could watch it uninterrupted

If you use Firefox, you can go to the about:config page, search for "media.mediasource.enabled" and double click on it to set it to false. After you restart Firefox, all youtube videos will load entirely even when paused! This also affects other streaming websites :)

We jailbreaking browsers now lmao

Could mean good things!

Hey @evilwizard. So, you up to anything new lately?

haha it’s funny you ask

N64 graphical glitch

your dog is clipping through the environment and you're laughing

have you guys heard about the greenland shark. some crazy shit happening there.

Happy Send Me On My Way Sunday