That's me. I'm the best ass eater.

me putting the little tag back on the bread bag

fundamentals will win you the championship. schmovement will win you the world

To all of our brave service members trapped on the USS Lincoln right now, from the bottom of my heart I would like to say LOL.

“Navy sailors are killing themselves because they’re trapped on a busted ass raggedy ship with no soap and bad food.” And not because they’re tools of American imperialism fighting a monstrously cruel nothingburger war? Okay.

It is crazy to see politicians and random public figures come out and be like “Yeah, destroying Iranian infrastructure and bombing children is whatever but you can’t treat our brave little soldiers like this!”

Just so we’re clear, if I point out that you did something racist, that’s not the same as me thinking you’re irremediably terrible. You did a racist thing.

You think you don’t do racist things, homophobic things, etc? You do. I caught myself in fat phobic and homophobic lines of thinking/speech just this morning. I’m fucking gay married. Nothing disqualifies you from acting in a way that reflects the society you exist in. We are obliged to fight it. Why not fight it in honesty and with camaraderie?

God forbid you ask a pharmacy to fill a prescription

THAT MEANS WRONGO'S GOT THEM. THIS ISN'T GOOD

you can just take it from their cart. its not their possession if they haven't bought it yet

if i were thrift shopping and you put your hands into my cart to take a unique handpicked item i was intending to purchase i would break your legs

they send me to space war even though i’m so freaking small i’m literally just a grunt. they only gave me a pasma pistol. i’m gonna fucking die

someone dropped a bitcoin on my head from on top of the empire state building in an act of guerrilla trepanation but since there weren’t any evil spirits in my skull the hole just sprouted a flower and now everybody says i look like a damn pikmin smh