#toxic patterns

hi angels,

okay so i need to get something off my chest because i've been feeling like absolute garbage lately and i think i finally figured out why. i've been super inactive these past weeks because i've been so depressed. this is embarrassing but also probably relatable so here we go.

i've been completely obsessing over this guy (a coworker). like, embarrassingly so. we've talked maybe five times total, but somehow my entire day revolves around whether he's looked at my instagram story or if he smiled at me in the hallway or whatever other microscopic interaction i can overanalyze for hours.

and the worst part? i didn't even realize how much i was doing this until my mood started tanking. like, i'd wake up excited about my day, then see he hadn't came to work or to something, and suddenly everything felt pointless. my motivation for studying, for working on blog posts, for literally anything, it all became tied to whether this random guy was giving me attention.

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆ how did i get here? ⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆

honestly? i think it started because i was feeling kind of lost and directionless, and having a crush gave me something to focus on. instead of dealing with my own uncertainty about the future, i could just daydream about this person who probably doesn't even know my middle name.

it's so much easier to fantasize about someone else making you feel complete than to actually do the work of figuring out what YOU want from life. crushes are like emotional procrastination, they give you all the feelings without any of the actual vulnerability or growth.

and let's be real... seeking male validation is something i've been doing for way longer than i want to admit. there's something about getting attention from guys that makes me feel worthy in a way that my own accomplishments somehow don't. which is messed up when i actually think about it.

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆ the wake up call ⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆

the moment i realized how bad this had gotten was when i caught myself checking if he'd seen my story for literally the fifth time in an hour. and then i felt this wave of depression because he hadn't, and i was like… mindy. what the hell are you doing?

this person doesn't even know you. you've built up this entire fantasy relationship in your head with someone who is essentially a stranger. and you're letting that fantasy control your entire emotional state.

it hit me that i was basically using this crush as a drug. feeling sad? think about him. feeling unmotivated? imagine him being impressed by my success. feeling insecure? replay that one conversation where he laughed at my joke.

but drugs wear off. and when they do, you're left feeling worse than before.

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆ getting my life back ⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆

so i'm trying to untangle myself from this mess, and here's what's actually helping:

unfollowing him on social media ~ not dramatically, just muting his stories so i'm not constantly checking. out of sight, out of mind.

redirecting that energy ~ every time i catch myself thinking about him, i try to do something for ME instead. answer an ask, work on an assignment, text a friend.

remembering who i was before this obsession ~ i had goals and interests and excitement about my life that had nothing to do with male attention. those things are still there.

getting real about what i'm actually looking for ~ am i looking for love? validation? distraction? once i name it, i can find healthier ways to get those needs met.

spending time with people who actually know me ~ friends/family who see my worth without me having to perform for it.

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆ the hard truth ⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆

seeking male validation is such a trap because it puts your worth in someone else's hands. and the guys who are worth your time? they're not going to be impressed by you changing yourself to get their attention anyway.

i keep reminding myself, the right person will like me for who i actually am, not for the performance i put on to seem worthy of their attention.

and honestly? i need to be someone i'm proud of when i'm alone before i can be someone worth loving in a relationship.

this is messy and embarrassing but it's real. if you've been doing this too, you're not pathetic!!! you're just human. but we can do better. we deserve to feel excited about our lives for reasons that have nothing to do with whether some guy notices us.

anyway, that's where my head's at lately. working on remembering that i'm the main character of my own story, not a side character in someone else's 💕 (i have like 20 new asks in my inbox, i'm working on it!!)

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

Like everyone is out here checking sun compatibility and venus signs (valid, do that) but completely ignoring the one placement that will tell you whether this person is going to see you or spend the whole relationship trying to tame you

Lilith is the part of you that got exiled the hunger that was called too much, the rage that was called irrational, the sexuality that was called intimidating. She is everything you were taught to shrink and she does not shrink she just goes underground and starts running the show from there

So when someone's planet especially their sun, moon or mars lands on your Lilith in synastry?

One of two things happens.

Either they recognize her, they look at the part of you everyone else flinched at and they go oh there you are and suddenly you feel seen in a way that's almost unbearable because you're not used to it.

Or. OR.

They're threatened by her and they will spend the entire relationship trying to make her small again. And the truly sinister part is it won't always look like control. Sometimes it looks like "i just worry about you." sometimes it looks like "you've changed since we got together." Sometimes it looks like them going completely silent every time you take up space.

And here is the thing about Lilith that will mess you up if you're not careful

She has been rejected so many times that she sometimes can't tell the difference between someone who is genuinely afraid of her and someone who is just human and imperfect. She will torch a good thing if she feels even a little bit like she is being managed. She's got hair-trigger exile radar.

So the real work isn't just finding someone whose chart can handle your Lilith, nope, haha, no.

It's learning to trust that being seen isn't the same as being trapped.

That's the whole thing. There.....a flower🌻.

Oh and speaking of being seen in your full feral complexity, it's giving birthday season over here and I'm celebrating mine by making YOUR chart the gift. Every reading you book right now comes with a free Persona Chart of your choice 🌻👵🏻I'm getting old. Check the pinned post or the link below.

Hi Firebirds,

This pick-a-card reading is about what cycles do you keep repeating and will probably keep repeating.This could be about family, work, relationships, or jsut overall the people you keep around you that makes you want to keep repeating certain habits, actions, and mindset. Not going to lie for some of you may resonate with at least 2-3 piles because they kind of collide with with other just in different ways.

This is a general reading, remember to take what resonates and leave what does not. This reading does not supplement your need to seek professional help. Tarot should be used as entertainment and not a for sure answer to your problems, but as a guide, a sense of hope, and amusement.

Take your time when choosing your pile. Ask yourself the question, listen to your intuition, and pick the photo you feel most called to.

Masterlist (Coming Soon) KO-Fi

*Tarot Deck Used: The Muse Tarot

Pile 1:

What Cycles Are You Repeating? Cards: Ace of Swords, Justice, 9 of Swords, 6 of Swords, 2 of Swords

Victim Mentality was the first thing that came to mind after the Ace of Swords and Justice card came out. You, pile 1, are constantly playing the victim card similar to the women on Tiktok who post about their crappy boyfriends and then defend them when people tell them to leave or that what they are facing is a form of abuse. The image that also comes to mind is the meme of spongebobs hands in handcuffs but the handcuffs are too big and he can easily get out of them but chooses to keep wearing them. There are things in your life that you continue to remain a victim of even though you can leave at anytime but you choose not too. For most of you this is a relationship (romantic/platonic) but others of you this could potentially be a job. Anytime someone tells you something that goes against enabling your behavior and mindset of the situation that you are in you don't want to listen or get upset. Everything goes in one ear and out the other because you don't want a solution to your problem because deep down there is something in you that craves the drama and toxicity of your situation.

For some of you I don't see this cycle stopping anytime soon, for others of you, you are on the cusps of a breakthrough in seeing that the people, situations, or places that you keep defending that keeps giving you pain and anxiety are no good for you and you are wanting better for yourself. The feeling of this is 2026 and you deserve to create a new reality for yourself is coming through for those who are beginning to wake up that keeping yourself intentionally stuck is harmful to yourself and for those who care about you that you keep venting to, as they want better for you but know they can't make you leave anything you are willingly holding yourself hostage to. Click here for spongebob meme

Pile 2:

What Cycles Are You Repeating? Cards: 9 of Wands, Page of Swords, 8 of Swords, 8 of Swords, 4 of Cups

Very few of may relate to pile 1, if you felt even the slightest bit called to it, definitely check it out. Otherwise, pile 2...the cycle you keep repeating is constanctly getting into toxic and sometimes even abusive relationships. This is mostly speaking romantically but can apply to friendships as well. Most of it isn't truly your fault, everytime you meet some one new you get your hopes up super early in getting to know someone only to in the midst of it all ignore the fed flags that are blaring at you because you keep giving people the benefit of the doubt. Example: You meet a romantic partner and they are giving you constant signs that you are and never will be a priority and they only text you when they want either to use your kindness or to have s*x.

In the midst of all of it you make excuses for them saying maybe they are busy, maybe this, maybe that. I'm hearing the song "Heard It All Before" by Sunshine Anderson plays in my head, definitely give it a listen if you like R&B music. That song is or those who are starting to smell the roses and are about to break the cycle, to be blunt this is only a few of you. "See, I Heard it all before (Heard it all before) (All of your lies, all of your sweet talk) ("Baby" this, "Baby" that) But your lies ain't working now (Now) Look who's hurting now (Look who's hurtin' now) See I had to shut you down (Down) I had to shut you down Played the fool before (Played the fool before)" I have the sense and feeling most of you will go through this cycle a few more times before it hits you that the saying "When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them" rings very true in all situations whether work, friends, family, or relationships. People especially adults know whatthey are doing and don't care. If you want to test the theory try giving the same energy back to them and see how they either manipulate you in thinking your the problem or say you're being mean when really you are just returning to sender.

Lyrics and snippet to the song mentioned click here.

Pile 3:

What Cycles Are You Repeating? Cards: Awaken (Judgement), 8 of Cups, 7 of Swords, Ace of Swords, 3 of Swords

Why do you have such a hard time listening to your inner voice (AKA, your intuition), pile 3. Your intuition is there to help guide you when you need it to not only help keep you safe, but helps recognize patterns, and to guide you better on your path but for some strange reason similar to pile 2 you like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but unlike pile 2 you know better, you just like to ignore your intuition that is telling you when someone is no good. You don't feel like a pile that is naïve to the behavior of others, especially with all of the sword cards here. This feels as if you do this in if not all but most areas of your life even when it comes to employment. The song "You Know I'm No Good" by Amy Winehouse is playing in my head.

"I cheated myself Like I knew I would I told you I was trouble You know that I'm no good"

You know when someone is no good deep down but you turn a blind eye to the noise and you always end up hurt and sometimes act shocked when it happens as if the signs were not there and deep inside something was telling you that you needed to leave or walk away if not most times as soon as you either meet a person or within a week of knowing them. This is something you need to look into, pile 3 on why you continue to ignore your intuition. I'm hearing "I knew it, I should have listened to myself" after someone does you dirty. What event caused you to stop trusting yourself. Therapy could be a great tool to use if it is accessible to you. If not doing shadow work prompts could also help in figuring it out.

Lyrics and snippet to the song mentioned click here.

Pile 4:

What Cycles Are You Repeating? Cards: 3 of Cups, The Tower, 8 of Cups, 10 of Wands, Page of Cups

This pile feels more familial, friendship, work, and just overall the community of people that you keep around you, but could also apply to romance for a very few of you. This feels like a continuous cycle that you keep putting up with even though you want to break free from it. It's this feeling of when you are at work and something happens that you have spoken to management about and they said they would fix it because they didn't want to lose their valuable employee and while they would fix the issue it would only be no longer than a few weeks before they are back on their bullshit again and you deal with it because you have the hopes of things getting better or because they show signs of "trying." Deep down you know this isn't accaptable but you stay because you love the people you are around and don't want to lose them even though they do you dirty. Every. Single. Time.

This isn't something new for you to hear and probably won't be the last time you feel or hear about this way pile 4. There is something inside of you that is so beautiful, empathetic, and kind that sees the better in a situation but also see the bullshit when needed. It just saddens me that you need chaos or for someone to treat you horribly in order for you to even consider leaving instead of when things aren't right the first time around. For 80% of this pile you're going to continue this cyce for a while, for the remaining 20% you're almost out of the hole. You're reaching that point being tired of being a punching bag and understanding about things when others don't lend the same to you.

Thank you all for being here! I hope this reading resonates with you.

I’m not responsible for the chaos you refuse to heal from. I’ve worked too hard to protect my energy, to unlearn toxic patterns, and to build the kind of peace I used to pray for. So if you’re still at war with yourself, don’t bring that battle to my door.

When you discern someone’s pattern, their reactions shed like dead skin… and the attachment dies with it.

Fragile narcissism, also called vulnerable or covert narcissism, isn't the loud, spolight-chasing caricature most people imagine. It's quieter. Softer. More wounded. And in many ways, far more confusing to survive.

Where grandiose narcissists puff up like parade balloons, fragile narcissists fold inward like paper, crumpling at the slightest breeze, then blaming you for the wind. They're hypersensitive, insecure, and constantly scanning the room for signs they're being slighted, ignored, or unappreciated. And when they hurt? Everyone around them pays for it.

Fragile narcissists share the same core traits as any narcissist - entitlement, lack of empathy, and a deep need for validation - but the presentation is different.

Instead of arrogance, you get:

Hypersensitivity to criticism Even neutral feedback feels like an attack.

Hidden insecurity They appear shy, anxious, or self-effacing, but underneath is a belief that they're special and misunderstood.

Victim mentality They frame themselves as the wounded party to gain sympathy or avoid accountability.

Covert manipulation Instead of yelling, they sulk. Instead of demanding, they guilt-trip. Instead of exploding, they withdraw.

Emotional instability Their self-esteem swings wildly, and you're expected to stabilize it.

This is the narcissist who disappears from a child's birthday because "no one was paying attention to them," then expects you to apologize for their hurt feelings.

Fragile narcissists are hard to spot, because they don't look like narcissists. They look like:

the shy partner who "just needs reassurance"

the coworker who "feels overlooked"

the friend who "gets hurt easily"

the parent who "means well but is sensitive"

Their fagility makes you want to protect them. Their insecurity makes you want to reassure them. Their sadness makes you want to comfort them.

And that's the trap.

Your empathy becomes the fuel for their self-esteem. Your emotional labor becomes their emotional regulation. Your boundaries become the threat they react to.

Being close to a fragile narcissist often feels like:

constantly monitoring their mood

rewriting your words mid-sentence to avoid triggering them

apologizing for things you didn't do

feeling guilty for having needs

feeling responsible for their emotional weather

They don't rage like grandiose narcissists - they suffer. And you're expected to fix it. Their pain becomes the center of the relationship. Their insecurity becomes your job to soothe. Their fragility becomes your burden to carry.

Just because it's quiet doesn't mean it's harmless. Fragile narcissists can:

invalidate your reality by reframing every conflict as your fault

use guilt as a leash, keeping you close through obligation

weaponize vulnerability, turning their wounds into tools

drain your emotional energy until you feel hollow

make you question your own intentions, words, and worth

And because they're not overtly cruel, you may feel guilty even recognizing the harm.

🌱 Protect Yourself.

You don't have to diagnose anyone. You don't have to fix anyone. You don't have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Here's what you can do...

Name the pattern. Understanding fragile narcissism helps you stop personalizing their reactions.

Stop managing their emotions. Their insecurity is not your responsibility.

Set boundaries that don't require their permission. You don't need them to agree for your boundary to still be valid.

Expect pushback. Fragile narcissists often react to boundaries as rejection.

Reclaim your emotional space. You're allowed to have needs, preferences, and feelings. Even if they don't like them.

If you've loved a fragile narcissist, you're not weak for being pulled in. You're not foolish for staying longer than you wish you had. Fragile narcissists are some of the most confusing people to love because they blend vulnerability with entitlement, insecurity with manipulation, softness with harm.

But you're allowed to step out of the emotional maze. You're allowed to choose clarity over chaos. You're allowed to choose yourself.

Look up characters like Tywin Lannister. Yes, to admire him for being a well-written character is one thing. But people act like they look up to him. The guy who cold-heartedly emotionally abused his children, oppressed others, wanted people to take responsibility but turned the other cheek torwards the Lannister twins' incest and cruelty. Let the most incompetent and one of the most psychotic kings rule only for his own vanity. And people justify his actions. Says it's what made him win. As if power is the most important thing in the world.

Look at the ones who admire the Nazi guy who gets beaten with a bat in Inglorious Basterds only because he showed no emotions. Like emotions are bad.