#merdu

mungkin manusia pandai melagu merdu tentang cinta. tentang sosok. tentang sesuatu yang melekat padanya.

mungkin manusia pandai melagu merdu tentang cinta. tentang proses. tentang kisah manis yang muncul saat bersama.

namun mungkin manusia tidak pandai melagu merdu tentang cinta. tentang rintangan. tentang perselisihan yang datang di saat tidak terduga.

Meredith Quill x Yondu Udonta - Wild West AU

Summary:  Meredith Quill works her ass off at a bar to support her young son, Peter. Unmarried and with a fiery spirit, most men only want her for her looks. Yondu Udonta is an Offworlder; an outcast in every sense of the world. He’s mean and nasty and doesn’t give a fuck about anything. What happens when worlds collide?

A/N: Just a little start to something that I’m thinking about continuing! Merdu is one of my favorite rare pairs in the MCU so I had to write this when I heard about there being a Wild West AU. If you think it’s cool, like and leave a lil comment for my wellbeing :) Hope you enjoy!! (its also available on Ao3 if that’s more your style)

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Surviving was Meredith Quill’s only option at the moment. Being single at this age was practically a death sentence already, but having a young son as well? Having the money for basic necessities like food and shelter was practically impossible. She worked all day and most of the night at the local bar, serving up drinks to men who wolf-whistled and cat-called her. Of course, there was absolutely nothing she could do about this. Anything she did could cause her to lose her job, and she loved her son more than anything. He deserved so much more than he could give her; she wasn’t going to take away what little they had to stop something so trivial. There had only ever been a few instances when she did retaliate, and her boss had backed her; other than that, the barkeep told her to just ignore them.

Meredith had seen her fair share of Offworlders at this point. They were everywhere, ever since the battle over Terra had left them stranded planet side. Any ships that worked were loaded up and sent back into space, but none of them had ever returned. Hopes for rescue were slim to none in all of the Offworlders she spoke with; it had been five years since the last craft had left. Some of them, once they realized that help wasn’t coming, got together and formed their own villages. Segregation had happened naturally for them. They didn’t want to be around Terrans, and Terrans didn’t want to be around them. 

The others… they didn’t take the hint. They knew that they wouldn’t be accepted into social settings, but they weren’t willing to stay at the bottom of the food chain either. Usually, these kinds of people called themselves Ravagers.

She had only served a handful of Ravagers in her time. Offworlders alone were usually run off the property, but Ravagers had a reputation for destruction. If anyone got wind of their occupation, they were instantly booted out of whatever establishment they were in, no matter the time or type. No one wanted a filthy Ravager mucking up their good name.

Then again, she had heard rumors of female Ravagers. Strong, foul-mouthed women who didn't bend to society's standards of their inferiority to men. You had to either have an ego the size of the moon or be downright stupid to try to mistreat a Ravager lady. Rumors of their strength spread like wildfire in the pubs- some men liked that, and others found it disgusting.

Personally, Meredith liked it. She wanted to be like that. She was like that, deep down, but she knew better than to act. These Ravager women didn't have a son to look out for; a little boy who didn't get nearly enough to eat for his age but somehow never complained. They could afford to not get hired because of their bold personalities, and Meredith couldn't. She loved her son too much to let her own pride cause him pain.

Meredith turned when she heard someone call for her, flashing him the realest fake-smile she could conjure up as she turned to make his drink. There she went again; daydreaming during work. One of these days it was bound to get her fired.

She had been working all day long; her feet ached and her arms were tired and her hair was wild from constant movement. The bar was always busy on weekends, especially at night, and dusk had fallen about an hour ago. Lucky for her, though, the barkeep gave her the rest of the night off so that she could get home to tuck Peter into bed. He had always tried to look out for her, even going as far as kicking regulars out for getting too handsy.

Walking out of the bar was always exhilarating. She felt a small sense of freedom as she marched past anyone trying to get her attention; she was off-duty now. Once she was off-duty, she didn't have to paint on fake smiles or pretend to enjoy the catcalls and disgusting remarks. She could sneer and scoff and march out like she always wanted to.

That march was interrupted when she threw open the saloon door and smacked a man right in the face.

"Aww, ow! Shit!" he swore, a deep accent dripping from his words as he covered his nose and face with two gloved hands.

Meredith's eyes widened in shock. She hadn't even seen him there! "Oh, sir, I'm so sorry. Let me get you a towel-"

"Nah, nah, don't stress. It ain't bleedin' much," he said, keeping his head ducked to let the blood drip on the ground. Blue blood.

Surely it was just a trick of the moon. Offworlders didn't come to St. Charles.

"Shit, woman, ya really know how to swing a door," he chuckled, raising his head.

Meredith's breath caught in her throat as he fixed on her with ruby red eyes. His skin was cobalt; his temple littered with scars that were a deeper blue than she had ever seen. The Offworlder was tall and broad, obviously a traveller. Maybe even a Ravager with those scars.

He was also handsome. Not handsome like a prince from the story books; he didn't have a perfect face or an entourage of riches. He was handsome like a cowboy: his beard rough, his skin scarred, his hands calloused. There was nothing gentle about the man in front of her, but, somehow, he was the friendliest face she had seen all day.

"See somethin' ya like there, darlin'?"

Shit, she was staring.

"Nope, just thought ya looked familiar," she blurted. He raised his eyebrow.

"Sugar, how drunk are ya?"

Her face blushed a bright red. "I'm not drunk, I swear. I work here… it's just been a long day," she said, feeling the urge to get out an excuse despite not even knowing his name.

The Offworlder glanced into the bar and then back at her, seemingly memorizing her features. "Ya workin' 'gain tomorrow?" he asked, his words drawling with the not so subtle ideas popping in his head.

Meredith immediately crossed her arms. So what he was attractive in a rugged, dirty way? He was still a man, just like everyone in that bar that cat-called and whistled at her like she was a dog.

"That's none of your business," she said, raising her chin. The Offworlder held up his hands.

 "Alright, missy, don't get any funny ideas with the door now. I wasn't meanin' any harm," he said, a grin working its way on his face. "I was just curious."

“You men always are,” Meredith sneered.

“Now,” the Offworlder smirked, tipping his hat up a little to look at her. She could clearly see the moonlight reflecting off his navy skin. “I think we both know that I ain’t no man.”

Meredith refused to back down. She was in too deep to chicken out now. “Ya got somethin’ danglin’ between your legs? How ‘bout an ego too big for a pack mule to haul? That makes ya a man.”

The Offworlder laughed: a deep, rugged noise that didn’t at all sound pleasant. “Darlin’, we ain’t even made it to introductions and you’re insultin’ me,” he said. “I’m Yondu Udonta.”

She chewed on the inside of her lip. Saying her name shouldn’t mean anything; hell, asking the right questions to the right people could get him her name. Why did telling him seem like a betrayal of some big secret that should have never gotten out? “Meredith. Meredith Quill.”

“Meredith.” Yondu tested the name on his tongue. He seemed to like it. “A pretty name for a pretty lady.”

She scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest as she turned on her heel again. She didn’t have time for idle chatter; especially not with an Offworlder. “Thanks for the compliment,” she called back, making her way down the dark street as quickly as she could. There was no telling what was lurking in the shadows.

Yondu watched her walk off, grinning slightly to himself at the frazzled pace she took up. She was strong, fearless; traits that were novelty in women these days. Even with that bee-like sting, though, there was just a little bit of honey. It was hidden deep, but it was there. He could practically smell it.

Aku merindukanmu tidak dalam diam,

menunjukkan rasaku tak hanya lewat doa

aku menyentuhmu dalam canduku

memimpikanmu bahkan di kehidupan nyataku

aku menatapmu lekat

membawaku ke lorong lorong kepedihan disana

merasakan aroma sisa-sisa kenangan yang tak biasa,

aku tak ingin disana.

Dan kau menatapku lekat

tetaplah disini saja

tetaplah begini

jangan beranjak

Pada lantunan ayat-ayat rindu yang kau nafaskan begitu merdu,

aku menangis haru pada wahyu-wahyu temu yang lama kita tunggu.

----

“If this doesn’t work though…you’ll still take Peter to his father, right?” Meredith asked.

Yondu went still.

“Yondu?” she asked. “You’ll promise me, won’t you? That you’ll take him home?”

“…Can’t promise you that, Meredith,” he said quietly.

“What?” she asked.

“I can’t,” he said stiffly. “Can’t promise you…because I won’t do it.”

“Why the hell not?” she demanded, leaping to her feet. Her world spun instantly and Yondu grabbed her before she hit the floor. “I thought you wanted to help us!”

“I am helping you!” Yondu said. “And I won’t be helping him if I take him there!”

“Why?” she yelled.

“Cause none of the others ever came back!” he snapped.

“…Others?” she asked as Yondu slowly sat her back down on the stool. “What others?”

“His other kids,” Yondu said. “I…I took Ego his other kids. No one ever saw them again.”

“He….had other kids…” Meredith said. She felt very cold all of the sudden as things started make some sort of terrible sense. Why Yondu was so cagey about why “Ego sent him” to pick her up and try to find her help. Why the Ravagers crew clearly hadn’t had a clue of where to start looking for how to deal with a tumor. The oddness of the tumor being so hard to operate on even for more advanced species...

“Yeah. I didn’t tell you cause you wouldn’t have let me help,” Yondu said. “But…you’re not special, Meredith. He’s done this before. It’s not that he couldn’t bear to watch you die. It’s that he told me to wait until you did die to get your boy and bring him to Ego.”

Meredith took a deep breath as she tried to understand what the hell she was being told. She’d known something was up with Yondu’s original story for a while now, but for it to be that…

“That’s what all the whispering was, then?” she asked. “All those times you stopped talking when Peter or I came over?”

“Some of the crew figured you weren’t really cargo. ‘S why I made you quartermaster. Shut up the whiners if you were puling your weight,” he said.

“And what happened if I was cured and demanded to go see Ego?” she asked.

“…Honestly I was going to let Horuz handle it. He likes being an ass so he could have broke it hard and not minded the fallout,” Yondu said. “I’ll admit, was not looking forward to Peter crying. Makes a chest twist up when he starts whimpering like that…”

“You think the tumor’s weird.”

She wasn’t entirely sure why she said it, why she remembered him saying that.

Yondu nodded slowly, “Yeah. We’ve been told that. Remember, you thought it was just, uh, intimate exposure to…”

“No. No you think…you think more,” she said. “You don’t think it was an accident, do you?”

Yondu cringed a bit under her gaze. She was right. He’d put a lot more thought into this than just a favor to a dying woman. He’d thought of the why as more than some accident. He just hadn’t said anything.

“…You think he did it on purpose,” Meredith said slowly.

“I don’t know what-”

“I didn’t say you knew, I said it’s what you think,” Meredith corrected, cutting Yondu off. “That’s what you think happened.”

Yondu sighed, “I know he knew about it. And I know he told me to get ready to pick Peter up when you died, which he had a pretty good timescale for, despite never seeing the boy alive meaning he’d bene gone for over six years. And I know every kid I ever brought him was never seen again and he didn’t seem to give a damn about any of their other parents.”

Meredith let that digest. It made terrible sense. Ma had been right all along. Just a fling for a guy using her who left her with a kid.

Oh god what was that thing he’d planted on earth? She’d have to send a call home over it, tell them to get…oh who did you even call to deal with that shit?

“How many did you bring him?” Meredith asked, trying to focus on the issue at hand, on verifying what Yond was saying now when he’d lied at the start.  

“’Bout a dozen,” Yondu said, staring at the bar top. “Wasn’t counting really; I was greedy and I admit it. They were his kids, he said pickup for pay so I picked up. Don’t know if he had anyone else doing it. Probably did. If I got suspicious enough to stop others probably did too and I was just the next he asked. Guy’s been around a long time.”

“And you never heard from them again?”

“Not even the ones I suggested should call if they needed anything,” Yondu said. “Last one…last one I was going to turn down. She was young. Younger than Quill.”

Meredith bristled at that. “Chronologically or developmentally?”

“Both,” Yondu said. “But the crew needed money and Ego could make gems so I caved. Not proud of it. Gave the kid a com, told her to call me if she got scared, or in a year if it went well. An anniversary call. Said I’d give a present if she did.”

“She never called.”

“Nope. Would have been three days before he called me about you,” Yondu said. “I don’t know what he’s doing to his kids, Meredith, but it ain’t good. I have my way? I never take that boy of yours near Ego.”

“So you know he’s collecting his children who are never heard from again…and you think he was going to kill me…why?” Meredith asked. “Why not just have you take Peter?”

“Maybe he figured, boy has your genes, he’ll make his way back to you before I get him to Ego,” Yondu said. “But he won’t do that if you’re not there.”

“Jackass,” Meredith muttered. “…Him, not you.”

“Nah, I’m a jackass. Took all those others to him, didn’t I?” Yondu asked.

“Wish you hadn’t?” Meredith asked.

Yondu “mm’d” in a manner she took to mean agreement.

“That’s why you helped, isn’t it?” she asked. “You felt guilty.”

“S’ not really guilt in your case,” Yondu said. “Didn’t have a thing to do with you or your boy.”

“But you had ‘a thing to do with’ around a dozen of Peter’s…siblings,” Meredith said. “With Ego’s other children. You wanted to keep Peter safe, didn’t you?”

Yondu huffed, “Maybe I just wanted to piss the jackass off by keeping Peter from him.”

“You didn’t need me alive for that,” Meredith said.

“…Was lousy. What he was trying to pull with you,” Yondu said. “Was crap.”

“Think he did that to any of the other…parents?” Meredith asked.

“Don’t know. He didn’t give me timescales for them,” Yondu said. “Just said to pick up one of his kids. Just did it. Never asked. I was a fool who never asked.”

“Yeah, well,” Meredith sighed. “I was a fool who fell for a spaceman. So we’re both fools.”

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