john wick more like john thicc

Those who know he's trying to ragebait them and purposely have no reaction. Those who don't know he's ragebaiting and fall victim to his schemes. And those who know he's ragebaiting and still get wrapped up because what he just said is so absurd.

Price has learned that no reaction gets him the best results: Ghost giving up and leaving him alone. He, every once in awhile, makes a mistake and gets caught up in something Ghost says and can't back out so now he has to commit to arguing over some stupid conspiracy theory Ghost researched the night before.

Gaz knows Ghost is purposely trying to piss him off. He knows that man is trying to get a reaction. Yet he can't stand the shit he says and falls for it almost every time. Sometimes he starts arguing full force, Ghost grinning like a lunatic. Sometimes it builds and builds until he explodes. Or, once upon a blue moon, he tells Ghost to fuck off and he listens.

Soap, unfortunately, falls for it everytime. And he thinks Ghost believes almost 80% of the time. Ghost can get Soap going so easy, it's hilarious. Soap is always his favorite to fuck with. And even after Soap figures out Ghost is ragebaiting him he keeps going, even angrier now.

୨୧⋅┈∘┈⋅⋅┈∘┈⋅୨୧⋅┈∘┈⋅⋅┈∘┈⋅୨୧ ⋅┈∘┈⋅⋅┈∘┈⋅ ୨୧

The briefing room was loud in the way it always was before a mission.

Papers shuffled. Chairs scraped against the floor. Soap was halfway through arguing with Gaz about something completely irrelevant to the operation while Price leaned against the table with a mug of tea that had definitely gone cold twenty minutes ago.

Laswell stood at the head of the table, flipping through a folder.

Ghost stood slightly behind the others, arms crossed over his chest, silent as usual.

No one paid much attention to it at first.

Until he stopped listening.

Noticeably.

"Interesting visual."

"Am a wrang?"

That’s the important context here. The man absolutely intends it to be a joke. A bit. A little prank between old friends.

Nikolai finds it in some sketchy airport gift shop at two in the morning while waiting for a refuel clearance and laughs so hard he almost drops his phone trying to take a picture of it.

He gives it to Price two weeks later during a supply drop like it’s the most normal gift in the world.

Price squints at the folded fabric. “What the hell is this.”

“Little something for you, Captain.”

Price unfolds it.

There is a long moment of silence.

Soap immediately starts choking, Gaz folds in half laughing, and Ghost just stares at the shirt for a full five seconds before his shoulders start to shake.

“Absolutely not,” Price says.

Nikolai grins. “You do not like?”

“This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Is high quality cotton.”

“I’m not wearing a shirt that says- ” Price holds it up again like he still doesn’t quite believe the words are real and shakes it towards Nikolai for emphasis.

“Coward,” Soap wheezes.

Price throws the shirt back into the box. Thats’s the end of that. Or so they think.

Three days later, they’re loading gear onto the helo. Ghost is checking straps. Gaz is arguing with a crate. Soap is halfway through a protein bar and complaining about something when Price walks out of the barracks.

Wearing it.

Like it’s a completely normal article of clothing a decorated SAS captain should absolutely own.

The entire hangar goes quiet. Soap slowly lowers the protein bar, Gaz blinks, and Ghost stops mid-step.

“…Sir,” Gaz says carefully.

Price looks up from adjusting his watch. “What.”

Soap points at him. “You’re wearing the shirt.”

“Aye.”

“Sir,” Gaz tries again, “that shirt says-“

“I can read, Garrick.”

Ghost turns away and starts silently shaking. Soap looks like he’s about to die.

“Why are you wearing it,” Soap demands between laughs.

Price shrugs like the answer is obvious “Comfortable.”

“It says- “

“Aye.”

“That’s not bothering you?”

Price glances down at the lettering like he’s seeing it for the first time. “Hm.”

Long pause.

“Bit bold.”

Gaz makes a strangled noise, Soap has to turn away, and Ghost is absolutely losing his fight not to laugh.

Price, completely unfazed, grabs his gear.

“What?” he says, when they’re all stare.

Gaz wheezes, “Sir you can’t just- ”

“Can’t what.”

“Walking around base wearing a shirt that says you’re the World’s Sluttiest Dad.”

Price thinks about it for two seconds and then shrugs. “Still not seeing the issue.”

Across the hangar, Nikolai spots the shirt and immediately has to sit down because he’s laughing so hard he can’t breathe.

Just thinking about how funny it would be for the 141 to come into our world or one of us to go into theirs, in both senerios meeting a teen or a very young adult.

IF they came to our world they would probably be concerned as to why this smol kid is just, going with the fact that there's 5 people just standing in their living room.

After the whole "we're from somewhere else" gets cleared up the fun begins.

They get to learn about the newer slang, and the increadbly dumb arguments that happen, along with the never ending death jokes?

Like they're used to it from the military but from a 15 year old who seems perfectly fine?? You good bud??

I feel like Simon would be the only one who understands that the death jokes are the only way for them to fully cope with the state of the world.

Oh and don't even get me started on if the kid and their friends are COD fans. I've gotten in to full on arguments about who the best characters are when I was first starting out in the games. Which would result in contests like the Olympics to find out whose the best.

There's so many more jokes that I hear about that leave ME like 0-0 so how would the guys even react.

When it comes down to it they would probably ask and the kids would be like "well after Covid turned the world to hell we just make jokes to make the days brighter"

Which then brings up what Covid was.

HOWEVER

If a kid went to their world, oh my god the chaos. (lets just assume they are from the US - this will make sense in a second)

I did a little study a while back about my friends survival instincts and they are NOT intact.

about 80% of the time, the option that would end up badly (AKA the funny one) is the one that gets chosen.

So put someone like that in a highly classified military operation? Good God shits about to get real.

Of course they can't just be handed off, this thing imprinted on them or something.

141 would probably try to get rid of them because of their line of work, but I guarantee the kid would come back every time until Laswell just gives up and gives them a key card.

Not to mention the references. There's at least 37 different references a day, whether the kid realizes it or not. Most of the time no one knows what they're talking about, but sometimes it sounds vaguely familiar?

I also fully believe that should anything happen to the kid like they got kidnapped or something, while the entire base is scrambling to find them (and probably others like Alejandro, Rudy, and Farah, because any teen from here would 1000000% befriend them), the teen is just scaring the hell out of their kidnappers because this is what they were TAUGHT.

There are literal school safety videos that go out giving teenagers permission to throw desks and anything that they can at shooters if it comes to that. So you can not convince me that this kid would not at least try to make it a living nightmare to anyone who tries to take them.

And if someone like Makarov got them? They would just silently accept their fate, but still fight like hell.

You’ve got Ghost pinned in place with nothing but your voice. No hands on him, no weapons, just fury and sharp words.

Kyle slows. Stares. Immediately regrets having eyes.

And yet he can’t look away.

He drifts over to Soap, who’s posted up nearby like this is a cinema and he paid for premium seating. “Uh,” Gaz says quietly, because volume feels disrespectful in the presence of whatever that is. “What’s all that about?”

Soap doesn’t even glance over. “That’s his missus,” he says, like he’s explaining the weather. “And he must have done some thin’ truly bad this time, ‘cause she’s been going at him for twenty minutes.”

Gaz’s brows shoot up. “Should we… help? Get him out of it?”

Soap makes a noise halfway between a laugh and a snort. “Help? Mate, look at him.”

Gaz looks.

Really looks.

Ghost’s shoulders are relaxed. Not braced. Not defensive. His weight’s pitched forward, like he’s drawn to you by gravity. Half lidded eyes, head tilted, body language screaming more, please while your words get sharper.

Gaz swallows. “He’s… enjoying this?”

Soap’s grin turns positively feral. “Turns him on. Si’s exactly where he wants to be right now.”

Gaz stares at Ghost like the man just sprouted another head.

Soap, bluntly: You are far from a trophy husband

Gaz: *surprised laughter*

Ghost: WHAT??

Price: *covers his mouth while shaking*

Soap: You don't clean, you barely cook anything that's actually edible to the normal mortal man. House chores are the bane of your existence. If anything your looks are your only salvation and you hide that everyday

Ghost: *stunned*

Gaz: *losing it*

Price: Do I need to arrange couples therapy?

negan: what?

y/n: a brick. so stop fucking playing with me.

but it's not unusual for billy and his friends to pass eddie in the hallway and chuck him a tape with a 'trade ya for that dio album' and eddie replies with a salute and just continues on his way.

The funny thing is that this started when Steve and Eddie were still nothing but friends, and yet there was no denying it; Wayne took such a liking to Steve that it was impossible not to notice the difference in treatment.

With anyone else, Wayne Munson was this closed off, quiet guy that offered hand shakes and four word answers when he was feeling friendly enough. But with Steve? With Steve he talked for hours about sports and Eddie's embarrassing childhood stories; smiled soft and gave the boy hugs without being prompted to.

Eddie found this amusing.

Soft was a word he never thought he'd use to describe his uncle, but it was the only one that came to his mind when he saw him interacting with Steve. Wayne treated Steve like a loving parent would treat their kid, and this warmed Eddie's heart in a way that left him breathless sometimes.

The kids loved to tease him about it. How Steve was Wayne's favorite, but Eddie honestly didn't give a shit because Steve was Eddie's favorite too, so he totally understood.

As years went by and they built a life together, this never changed.

Steve and Eddie became a couple, moved in together, then moved from Hawkins and to Indy and the joke stayed more alive than ever.

Steve would always be the first one Wayne hugged when they came back home to visit, the man would always take Steve's side in whatever argument he and Eddie were having.

"I know you too well, boy," Wayne would say. "Just apologize to him and fix things."

Five years after they moved to Indy, they came home to spend the holidays with Wayne and, despite their endless claims that gifts were unnecessary, the man shoved a wrapped box in their arms on Christmas morning and told them to open it.

Steve opened his present first, and burst out laughing when he saw what it was. Eddie's confusion lasted only a moment before Steve fished his gift out of the box and showed it to him; a white t-shirt with 'FAVORITE NEPHEW' written in bold red letters.

"Oh, so you finally admit it, old man," Eddie said in fake offense, only to earn a slap upside the head.

"Shut up and open yours."

Eddie did, and had to stiffle the sob that almost escaped him as his eyes stung.

He got a t-shirt too. His was black, with 'FAVORITE SON' written in white.

"Now that that's settled," Wayne smiled, patting Eddie's shoulder as he got up from the couch. "Let's eat."

Eddie was still stuck in place when his uncle disappeared through the kitchen door.

"Aw, baby, are you emotional because your uncle loves you?" Steve teased him.

Eddie sniffed. "Shut up."

He's so freaking tired that when he gets home one night and finds a complete stranger sleeping on his bed, he doesn't even flinch. He just wants to sleep.

Steve pushes the guy to the side, flops down on his bed and sleeps for ten hours straight.

When he wakes up, the stranger is up and about to run away through the fire escape, but he stops when he realizes Steve is watching him.

"Uhn, morning?"

"Morning. Do you want some breakfast?"

"Sure."

A pot of coffee and a stack of pancakes later, Steve knows enough about the man to not consider him a stranger anymore.

Eddie, 32, lives in the apartment over Steve's and mistook Steve's window for his own when he tried to get into his apartment last night, completely drunk.

He's also hot as fuck, a dork and has the cutest dimples when he smiles.

@cozysweatersteve, the first few weeks after Steve moved in, he thought the place was haunted because he kept waking up in the middle of the night with this loud, thundering sound.

Then, one night, not only he was woken up by that sound but he also saw this shadow outside his window and he almost had a heart attack.

Steve only realized the place wasn't haunted and it was actually one of his neighbors because the "ghost" outside his window started giggling and singing as it stumbled up the fire escape. That made Steve venture out of the bed and to the window just in time to see a man diving through the window on the apartment above his.