#itbc

having to sit for about 45 minutes just trying to keep control and so terrified

(We weren't supposed to know, and theyre not supposed to know that we know. So it was extremely anxiety inducing /lh)

So. Yk. Weird as hell but nothing to tie it in with everything else I experience.

Longlegs and Skinamarink

theyre both films i loved but will never watch again because i genuinely had panic attacks during some sequences of both films and they were deeply triggering in their own ways

Skinamarink as a film is fairly pretentious but is such a good way of portraying neglect and some aspects of abuse. its a pretty terrifying experience, especially as a way to depict grooming as well.

but i feel a NEED to say this

there is a side to the internets portrayal of ITBC that IS conspiratorial and falsified.

when i say im programmed i mean i was conditioned via extreme measures to respond to specific stimuli, people and inputs a certain way.

eg: Person A asks [specific phrase] and i will respond how they have made me to every time

because of how my brain chose to respond to this, i split alters to respond accordingly

from what i know from other HC-DID systems that have spoken about this.. most of us werent intended to be separate alters, but states of being and "approved" behaviours. DID wasnt the intention, "correct" behaviour was.

i think the amount of misinfo out there especially spread by people who cannot for whatever reason fully research is the main detriment to spaces where this is talked about

also a lot of us dont have the words or understanding to describe what actually happened to us.

this post is pretty messy and i do NOT SPEAK FOR ALL HC-DID SYSTEMS ABOUT THIS

Tothe post discovery "ohhh that was a sign huh... and not even subtle about it"

I'm a little stupid when it comes to knowing what terms are, and don't want to mix any of them up on accident, and with there being so many too

There are too many terms to go through all of them, however i will go through the recent ones used.

If you'd like more please send another ask with more terms. :>

Narco - sleep programming. Makes you extremely tired or straight up fall asleep. Used for various purposes.

Beta - sexual programming

Flood - programming that causes a "flood" of memories, emotions, etc that are very negative, and/or unsafe, usually as a punishment.

Kaleidoscope - a disorientation program that causes the victims to see bright lights and flashing colors that spin around them. It also is viewable in the inner world. Usually as a punishment.