#avoidant pd

for the love of all that’s holy, forget about that stupid advice and just do it wrong.

i’ve been unemployed for months because i moved and have yet to find a job in my new area, and you know why it’s been so hard (on top of the everything else making the job market a living hell right now)?

because i heard a bunch of advice telling me to chance my resume up to tailor it to every job i apply to, and i got overwhelmed by that because let’s be honest, that’s SO much work. but i heard that advice from so many places that i convinced myself it was The Only Way to apply for jobs, and that of course just led to me not applying for any jobs at all. tonight is the first time in two weeks that i finally sent out some applications because i finally sat down and said “fuck it, i’m not getting any jobs by sitting here wishing i could do it right, so i might as well do it wrong.”

so whatever it is that you’ve been trying to do and feeling overwhelmed by, please throw away all the extra overwhelming advice you’ve been given about the Perfect Way To Do It and just do it in whatever way you can manage. half-asses is still done. done badly is still done. you still gain more from doing a shitty job at something than you do from doing nothing at all.

i promise, the world isn’t going to end when you do something less-than-perfect. no one is going to hate you for it. in all likelihood, nobody will even notice or care that you didn’t follow whatever mostly arbitrary guideline you’ve been torturing yourself over. that advice is for people who have already been doing the thing and are struggling to see results, not for people who are struggling to do the thing in the first place.

whatever standard someone else set for the thing you need to do, it’s probably bullshit anyway, so just do it in the way you can. if the alternative is not doing it at all, you’re not going to be any worse off if you just make the best effort you can muster and call it a day.

Complex Dissociative Disorders describe disorders which have a severe, complex dissociative response to trauma. This describes a specific pattern of trauma responses, which is often related to needing an escape from a situation that is experienced as inescapable.

This is no different to other disorders which originate in trauma, such as Personality Disorders.

Personality Disorders are usually* developed due to childhood trauma. Similarly to a CDD, they are specific patterns of recognized trauma responses. Most, for example, have a recognized pattern of relationships with themselves, others and the world, as informed by trauma. Narcissistic Personality Disorder, for example, is often rooted in the belief someone is worthless or will not have their needs met by caretakers, and causes narcissistic patterns to be ingrained into coping mechanisms, as a trauma response.

None of these exist on a spectrum from least to most severe trauma, they are all just recognizable patterns of trauma responses.

AvPD and autism have many similarities. Most notably, both disorders create social discomfort within the person with them.

Below is a Venn diagram of overlapping and separate features of the two disorders:

On the AvPD side:

Shame-Based Social Self Early rejection + sensitive temperament -> feeling socially inept, fearful, and unworthy

Self-Isolation from Fear of Judgment Wants connection but isolates due to fear of judgment and embarrassment

Social Motivation - High but Guarded Desires connection, but fear and shame block getting close

Approval-Driven Stress Social stress from [a] strong need to be liked; fragile self-esteem

On the autism side:

Neurotype-Based Social Self Autistic communication, difficulty intuitively reading allistic [non-autistic] cues

Sensory Isolation Isolates to manage sensory overload and recover energy

Interest-Led Social Drive Often prefers special-interest time and structured, deep social spaces over casual or unstructured one[s]

Mismatch-Driven Stress Stress from miscommunication, unexpected social changes, cross-neurotype dynamics, and small-talk demands

In the middle - the overlap:

Social comparison

Diffuse sense of social self

Difficulty with social initiation

Sensitivity to rejection/criticism

Difficulty with unknown situations

Elevated substance abuse, self-harm, and eating disorders

Studying, scripting, and rehearsing social interactions

High co-occurring anxiety (agoraphobia, panic, OCD, PTSD)

Social difficulties & withdrawal

Discomfort with eye contact

Rigidity & routines

The key difference between the two disorders is their origin. Autism is a hereditary condition present from birth (even though symptoms may not be noticed until later in life), while AvPD has genetic components that lead to a higher risk of developing, but is also trauma-based.

One theorises that perhaps AvPD could be a result of particularly undiagnosed/late diagnosed autism - "I think autistic people are actually at high risk for developing AVPD due to constantly being criticized and rejected over their lifespan."* This could, as the comment above says, be due to the autistic person being consistently rejected by their peers and criticised for not understanding unwritten social rules, and due to being undiagnosed/diagnosed later in life, the autistic person does not have the words to describe what they are feeling and experiencing in the moment, thus allowing AvPD to form.

It should be noted that this comorbidity - or, it seems, a misdiagnosis of one when it is really the other - is usually found amongst high-masking autistic individuals rather than low-masking autistic individuals. This is due to a high-masking autistic person's ability to often hide their discomfort with being social, usually making them seem simply "awkward".

Those with autism and those with AvPD have a similar brain structure - most notably, the connection between the amygdala and anterior cingulate gyrus is weaker in both.** Below is an image of the two areas of the brain highlighted:

These two areas of the brain are meant to work together to process emotion, regulate behaviour, and respond to stress. They do this by taking emotional input and translating it into cognitive and physical output; for example, anger is translated into yelling, if that is what the two parts deem adequate for the situation.

Now, in autism and AvPD, the connection between those two areas of the brain is impaired. This means that it may be difficult for the person with autism and/or AvPD to figure out what reaction is appropriate to certain stimuli, thus impacting their ability to be socially comfortable. However, in autism, this may be due to a simple dysfunction in the connection between the amygdala and anterior cingulate gyrus since birth, while in AvPD, the poor connection may have been "learned" from early social rejections and faux pas. <- I could not find anything that backs this up; it is simply a personal thought on the matter, but if anyone has any info on it, let me know!

The main difference between the two conditions is the motivation for avoiding social interaction. A person with autism may avoid social interaction because they don't understand unwritten social rules and wish to avoid the unnecessary stress of trying to figure them out, while a person with AvPD may avoid social interaction because of a fear of being judged or rejected.

In summation, AvPD and autism have many similarities when it comes to the discomfort with social interaction, and there is some evidence to suggest (although there were no papers that I could find on the matter) that AvPD may form due to undiagnosed/late-diagnosed autism; rejection early in life due to not being able to understand non-verbal social cues can lead to a fear of being judged and rejected later on, which in turn can cause AvPD.

References:

Avoidant Personality Disorder (AVPD) adjacent flag. This is left vague so anyone who has, is questioning, or displays traits of the disorder may use it. This was made with people who have trouble pinpointing neurodivergencies and is NOT for transid supporters