݁ᛪ༙ K!LLER ݁ᛪ༙

‧˚꒰🍷꒱༘‧— sb: @gorygladiators

🗡 𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨 𝐌𝐲 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐬 𑣲

🗡 𝐌𝐲 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐈𝐬 𝐊𝐚𝐥𝐢 ⭑.ᐟ

🗡 𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 ꉂ(˵˃ ᗜ ˂˵)

🗡 𝐈’𝐦 𝐚 𝐛𝐢𝐠 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 & 𝐢𝐦 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐝𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝 ✌︎㋡

I wish I could control the anxiety that comes up

How am I supposed to live here?

I’m still looking for a therapist even then not sure I shared them with a therapist I’ve never done that before I’ve always handled that on my own but theyre getting worse

It’s tempting to share the thoughts with my brother just to see his reaction haha

but I don’t want him to look at me differently and we are just getting closer

that’ll make any physical contact even weirder and even more uncomfortable for him

I don’t want him overthinking my intentions

But me being honest is like my thing and I hate to lie

I’m not lying more like withholding info that isn’t all that necessary to share

I feel like being honest with him might help me but I think it might just make it worse idk idk what to about it

I so badly want to see his face though 🤣🤣 I want to mess with him so badly haha like what if I just told him all my intrusive thoughts about him no context and then say just kidding this is just me wanting a funny main character moment and to have fun in this random playground we call reality

Well this is the topic I’ll be thinking and dreaming about for the next week and a half until he gets back from Italy

Hopefully I can find a therapist soon

I think my brother is starting to become my fp

I don’t like that

And usually my fp’s are romantic

The strong urges I used to have with fp’s aren’t as bad anymore

I can feel myself getting excited to see him and hang out with him and my brain is confused it can’t tell the difference between a romantic relationship vs platonic

He’s the only person I feel like actually loves me but I feel like that’s just me being delusional

We’ve gotten so much closer this last week

Idk 🤷🏼 idk what I’m looking for kinda just sharing my brain stopped looking for answers

Also everyone’s in Italy now including my brother so I’m home alone so far is going ok but I know the loneliness will creep and my thoughts will get bad

My brother told me I can spam text him if needed and he’ll respond when he can or to text dad. that scares me but I think I’ll just text dad because I need to start some dialogue of how I feel to get answers from him but I need to be in a shit state for me to do that