Obviously the most important part of picking a ship is making sure they have a good ship-name together! And so... 

@allykingsleigh with @chloeoftheball. Their name would be #ALOE, and their relationship would have healing properties like the world has never seen.

@lyra-k with @jimdubs. #LYMY isn’t spelled right but the idea is there and makes me want a nice refreshing lime beverage. 

@scarlettcorazon with @marykatehood. #SCARY! 

@whereswaldohatter with that Dylan guy. #DYLDO! 

@deeturkey with @pennylanewilde. This isn’t my favorite choice but it IS tourney season, so #TURNY!

Wait, are we seriously already thinking about next year here? Because if we are, chop chop, people, you’ve got ten months to get your act together, and I know half of you are half braindead and will take that long or longer.

With that said... here’s my 2020 wishlist:

@levbelrose and @chloeoftheball. Steal her right out from under your big brother’s nose, Baby Belrose! It would be the most interesting thing you’ve ever done in your entire life.

@andreatriton and @whereswaldohatter. Karma’s a bitch just like @scarlettcorazon.

@maddielabouff and @cecefacilier. Stop making heart eyes at @jimdubs, get together, and then drive each other so crazy you off each other, yay!

@rosalienothale and @lacklands. Just so that those bratty freshmen will stop acting like they’re going to be the premiere theater couple around here. They’re not even hot!

And I already got my wish of Marley and Dylan getting back together, which means... I deserve a Valentine. Boys, you have 10 months to impress the hot, single member of the Donati family, time’s ticking!

SEND 6 PEOPLE AND I’LL TELL YOU WHO I WOULD:

do the sexy love™ with: @chloeoftheball, how smart she is is so attractive!

sacrifice myself for: Um... Wow, I must seem so selfish, not wanting to give up my life for anyone else’s. I’m sorry! I’ll try extra hard to make a difference in the world so my selfishness is worth it. 

kick: @ruefitz? I don’t know, it’s this gut vibe!!

take to prom: @happyevieafter would do a great job getting ready with me so we may as well enjoy the dance together, too!

abandon in jurassic park: @lacklands! But it’s a film set, not the real deal.

push off a bridge: @sebkoenig. Not that I’m strong enough to, but still. 

Oh my gosh! Um, I’d never want to make anyone feel bad, so can I make a... Cute, Pretty, Beautiful, Hot scale instead? 

@chloeoftheball is pretty!

@harmonytriton is also very pretty!

@andreatriton is hot!

@jimdubs is cute.

@regdubois is cute, too. 

@maddielabouff is beautiful.

@thediegodevil is...  cute! Let’s go with cute! 

@mackennadunbroch is beautiful.

@ailsbroch is hot!

@ruefitz is pretty.

@emmettvardaros is cute.

@princessxymarley is beautiful.

@noa-atua is hot!

@leilaningata is beautiful.

@whereswaldohatter is hot.

@lyra-k is pretty.

@rosebudalexiou is hot!

@princessofisolationx is cute.

@marykatehood is pretty.

@cassieadale is cute.

@frankiefearless is hot!

@pennylanewilde is cute.

@svgarrush is hot.

@hamadakimi is cute.

@mackgin is cute.

@heathlemon is adorable! That’s a cute offshoot, it felt right.

@viperbubbles is cute.

@quincydavis is pretty.

@sydneyandersen is cute. 

SEND 6 PEOPLE AND I’LL TELL YOU WHO I WOULD:

do the sexy love™ with: Gotta be real? I have no interest in hooking up with like, any of these girls, but if I did I guess it would be @lyra-k.

sacrifice myself for: @littlejoanna because she’s a baby and her cousin Andy’s cool, I guess.

kick: @olivia-triton for being hot but boring? Wasted potential.

take to prom: @anja-bjorgman. She’d ditch me to sing and I’d get to do whatever all night, seems legit. 

abandon in jurassic park: @chloeoftheball? I don’t know, don’t pack too many books, it’ll slow you down when you have to run away. 

push off a bridge: @miss-bianca-ellis. You were the last person left and you’re also like, 5. And I think you were probably stolen from Andy’s family ‘cause you look just like her. 

SEND 6 PEOPLE AND I’LL TELL YOU WHO I WOULD:

do the sexy love™ with:  @scarlettcorazon. Girl is hot.

sacrifice myself for: Uh... None of them probably? Although @princessofisolationx is cool, I’d come closest to saving her.

kick: @thediegodevil.

take to prom: @lyra-k.

abandon in jurassic park: @viperbubbles.

push off a bridge: @chloeoftheball? She’s nice enough but she needs to be more exciting, she’s one of the reasons people assume princesses are boring.

SEND 6 PEOPLE AND I’LL TELL YOU WHO I WOULD:

do the sexy love™ with: @ailsbroch.

sacrifice myself for: @chloeoftheball​.

kick: @andreatriton​.I feel like she doubted me for something -- she was wrong, so I don’t remember what, but she still deserves a little kick for it.

take to prom: @ruefitz​.

abandon in jurassic park:@lyra-k.

push off a bridge: @princessxymarley.