#asujohnny

I think my dear friends @maisy-macguffin and @lacklands could have a really good time... 

Fuck: @lacklands maybe? I know him a little better than @eddie-delacruz but they’re both cute.

Marry: @levlumos. He is my favorite person in the whole entire world, after all.

Kill: @eddie-delacruz. Kill the spare?

Fuck: Not interested, sorry!

Marry: @n-atua and @hemimanawa both? They can take care of each other’s needs or whatever, and I can just enjoy having them around when I’m not busy in my garden.

Kill: @lacklands. I don’t remember if I’ve ever even talked to him, so he’s the easiest to dispose of. Having three husbands would be a little much. 

Wait, are we seriously already thinking about next year here? Because if we are, chop chop, people, you’ve got ten months to get your act together, and I know half of you are half braindead and will take that long or longer.

With that said... here’s my 2020 wishlist:

@levbelrose and @chloeoftheball. Steal her right out from under your big brother’s nose, Baby Belrose! It would be the most interesting thing you’ve ever done in your entire life.

@andreatriton and @whereswaldohatter. Karma’s a bitch just like @scarlettcorazon.

@maddielabouff and @cecefacilier. Stop making heart eyes at @jimdubs, get together, and then drive each other so crazy you off each other, yay!

@rosalienothale and @lacklands. Just so that those bratty freshmen will stop acting like they’re going to be the premiere theater couple around here. They’re not even hot!

And I already got my wish of Marley and Dylan getting back together, which means... I deserve a Valentine. Boys, you have 10 months to impress the hot, single member of the Donati family, time’s ticking!

SEND 6 PEOPLE AND I’LL TELL YOU WHO I WOULD:

do the sexy love™ with: @casperlocke, but only because I’d...

sacrifice myself for: @kazmartyn (and I also don’t want to seem too eager to move our physical relationship to the previously aforementioned level even though I might be more interested in it than I care to admit!) 

kick: @anja-bjorgman.

take to prom: @lacklands.

abandon in jurassic park: @maddielabouff and @dahlialabouff.

push off a bridge: @rosalienothale.

SEND 6 PEOPLE AND I’LL TELL YOU WHO I WOULD:

do the sexy love™ with: @chloeoftheball, how smart she is is so attractive!

sacrifice myself for: Um... Wow, I must seem so selfish, not wanting to give up my life for anyone else’s. I’m sorry! I’ll try extra hard to make a difference in the world so my selfishness is worth it. 

kick: @ruefitz? I don’t know, it’s this gut vibe!!

take to prom: @happyevieafter would do a great job getting ready with me so we may as well enjoy the dance together, too!

abandon in jurassic park: @lacklands! But it’s a film set, not the real deal.

push off a bridge: @sebkoenig. Not that I’m strong enough to, but still. 

SEND 6 PEOPLE AND I’LL TELL YOU WHO I WOULD:

do the sexy love™ with: @boribjorgman. What can I say? Hooking up with cute nerds who seem like they need to get some is kind of my thing.

sacrifice myself for: @hypewithharper. She’s fun.

kick: @sydneyandersen. I love Kendall but his sister’s kind of whiny. 

take to prom: @lacklands.

abandon in jurassic park: @hasira-mwitu? Let me know if there are any prehistoric sharks out there!

push off a bridge: @adelaide-charming.