#arquaticpaul

GREAT NEWS!!! I FINALLY FINALLY ESCAPED MY ABUSERS/CAPTORS!!! I finally finally FINALLY escaped the family and I’m fucking free now far away from my abusive toxic family!!! It took almost to my 30th birthday but I finally am fucking free!!!!!

- Paul Leskowitz

I just got out of a relationship with a headmate in my system and I wish more DID systems talked about how lonely and isolating it is to be single in the headapace and having very little people to date in the headspace..I loved her so much and the break up wasn't my decision and being multiply disabled with level 3 high support needs autism is so isolating already as is. Theres more littles in our system than there are teen alters. And I wish I could date outside the system but I just dont know. Outside our caregiver whos system has very little female teen alters to date its so isolating. I hate being lonely and broken up with. My best friend (our host alter) is married with kids and his older sister is also married with kids too. And everyone else is like either not asexual like me or bully and persecute me.

Finding out very recently that our system grew up as a feral child with clinical lycanthropy is so hard for us. Our alters and even some age sliders (myself included) and lots of littles have regressed or pet regressed involuntarily we often black out or go into severe dissociative trances and the next minute we find out we've destroyed half the living room furniture thankfully our caregiver live in aid understands our complex trauma and how we were raised (or lack thereof) since once we were able to come out of it some other alters explained calmly that we were more or less raised by our pet dogs after being left out for hours on end to days in the backyard and yeah its really a lot on our shoulders. Being raised by dogs and I think one time our captors (the family) even adopted a half wolf half dog that more or less took to us our system since we were very young still so we never managed to snap out of our involuntary pet regression. It sucks so bad and it hurts that we cannot control this part of our programming but idk man...it just sucks but being a dog owned by three cats as my emotional support animals they really understand me and they sense I have lycanthropy and that in a way have raised me as much as we've raised them. My cats aren't my pets I dont feel comfortable calling myself a pet owner since I once was a pet myself my cats are my pack I am their family members in their pack and our system was raised by dogs/wolf and my cats are my family. My brothers and sisters. I'm sorry if this is very triggering I know this blog is mostly supposed to be a safe space for our littles but we already have so many other Tumblr accounts. This is also our autistic advocacy blog too for our autistic experiences.

Currently dealing with caregiver neglect abd emotional abuse with high unprideicatbilty from caregiver