Aug 13
Beware the joy, for it will bring you sadness.
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Beware the joy, for it will bring you sadness.
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I left the house. Again.
4th time this week. 🥲
I hate it. Had a panic attack halfway to the library.
The library is 60 metres away. 🤦🏻
But I went. I got the books. I survived the panic attack. And then I did my civic duty and voted in my local election.
So, you know. Apparently I’m out here being a functioning member of society despite my brain doing its absolute fucking best to prevent it.
4 times this week. That’s 4 times I left the house when anxiety told me I couldn’t.
I’m counting that as a win.
I actually hate my anxiety so bad, I literally just went to get icecream and I was so anxious I practically ran out and now I can’t stop shaking. Genuinely what the fuck Is wrong with me
Bout to go outside alone for like 20 minutes hope i dont die in a funny over the top way
this werewolf might be developing agoraphobia...
not sure what to do.
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After going to two doctors this week and disassociating for 5 days to get through it I got physically ill from the stress of going out starting yesterday
If I don't get disability when I'm getting physically ill from the anxiety and agoraphobia then I will take it as our government not thinking mental illness is real
Exposure therapy sucks
So I went out today for the first time in 8 months to go to the eye doctors and it did not go as badly as I expected during the outing like my anxiety didn't make me feel like I was going to die and I could manage if I didn't think about my surroundings so I thought to myself "my whole struggle until feels like a joke it feels like I've been lying to everyone"
And then I got home and instantly heard loud noise and my anxiety just hit me and I started feeling antsy and like I was covered in a thick layer of grime and like I was crawling out of my skin so I took a shower and fell asleep for the sheer mental exhaustion and then I went to play games with friends and the whole evening ever since I woke up I just feel paralyzed by anxiety and don't know what to do with myself so I think I'm gonna work on taking walks on the property more often and sit in my yard more often even if it is just to scroll on my phone but I'm not ready to be in public bc the numbing myself and then right when I can relax just starting to feel absolutely terrible is not something I can handle right now
I'll never be able to relax