#actually dependant

I feel a lot free’r than I had for years prior to losing them, and have a lot more autonomy. I can finally just... play games, play singleplayer games, watch shows/movies, read comics, draw, just go off and do my own thing, think about what I want and focus on myself which I really couldn’t to any degree prior. If they weren’t involved I just... couldn’t do it. I had no thoughts outside of anything related to them.

I still think about them all the time and get sad, because it still hurts and I miss them, but it’s okay, I’m sure they’re happy and I’m doing better now, even if either of the situations aren’t the most ideal.

I think the only long-term negative(?) impact past general loneliness and patches of nasty depression and anxiety is really the fact now I’ve managed to get by without a FP fairly well, and I’m feeling good about it, I’m TERRIFIED of forming any sort of close relationship with anyone. Even my existing friendships I’m distancing myself from because I don’t want to be dependant again.

Well, at least not yet? Part of me loved the “positive” side of dependency, it felt so good being around/talking to/interacting with/ thinking about my FP and it drove me for a long while, but now I realise it held me back a lot, and also REALLY FUCKIn hurt a lot of the time. 

I’d go to any length just to prove that to you.

You’re my most prized possession.

You’ll always be mine.

I will spend eternity helping you see what I see.

I want to help you fall in love with yourself.

You don’t need to pretend to be someone else, you’re perfect just how you are.

Let me love, support and cherish you, darling.

We can build each other up forever.