Jan 13
About OCD
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About OCD
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ꫂ ၴႅ༘. I do not wonder if you will come back. I measure how long it takes.
I never ever want to catch feelings for anyone ever again. Not someone I know in real life, not someone I meet one, not a celebrity, not a fictional character ANYONE!!! I may get lonely but it’s way too stressful, painful and traumatic. I’m so drained and exhausted emotionally from all these years of limerence and obsession…I’m so done.
THIS is what I mean when I say that OCD is a fucking punchline to most people.
Monk felt fucking inescapable throughout the aughts. If you had OCD, you probably got called Monk. If someone you knew did something that they considered “OCD,” they probably compared themselves to Monk. It’s an incredibly narrow repetition of what OCD is but it was THE pop culture touchstone at the time. Sometimes it felt like a life raft and sometimes it felt like drowning, but it was always there. I’ll likely never work out all of my complex thoughts and feelings about it.
But it ended in 2009. Seeing these same jokes still being made fourteen years later (and, frankly, seeing hand sanitizer at a large public event get treated as some kind of haha funny overkill thing after years of surviving the COVID-19 pandemic) makes me feel so sick.
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Pacing frantically while day dreaming is just human zoomies
I wish neurotypicals understood that those of us with mental illnesses that disable us don't want to burden those around us. If it were up to us we would be able to do all the things they do like driving ourselves places, working full-time, being fun to be around while socializing, and having a contagious positive attitude. But the reality is that our lives aren't the same at all. You think all we do is talk about our illnesses or trauma? Well yeah, it kind of becomes your life when it affects every part of it. You hate that we can't drive or aren't self-sufficient? Some of us can barely get out of bed, have driving phobias and/or have symptoms that make it dangerous for other drivers (ie. sensory overload, inability to concentrate, panic which is an unsafe state to drive in, etc.). You hate that we collect disability and don't work? First off, disability isn't as easy as some people think it is to get on. I've had several friends I met in group therapy get declined several times. And everyone I know on disability either wants to work or can't because of their disability - that's pretty much why it's there. We don't want to burden anybody or feel abnormal and less able than you. But sometimes we need to rely on others for the things we can't do for ourselves, even if we hate it, and being reminded that we "should be" more able to function and live like non-disabled people doesn't do anything except cause us shame and make us hate ourselves. Please just be kind to us, we're trying.
