StarCrossedSkye

was waiting for the elevator in the middle of taking out all the trash and a resident came out of her apartment like OH GOOD! maybe i can show you this weird bug that was in my BEDROOM! so i follow her and she gets out a magnifying glass and shows me a dead pillbug on a napkin. im like thats incredible ma'am thank you for letting me use the magnifying glass. she says "i told my creepy kids about the bug and they didn't even call me!" and this sentence is tunneling into my brain so bad theres a physical pressure

Victor Frankenstein after achieving the impossible and building a fucking person from scraps of the dead: Oh god, ew, ew it's ugly! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew! Ew! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew!

there are a lot of really good ancient roman laws but i think my favorite is that, if you got struck by lightening and died, you couldnt have a proper burial because it meant that the gods hated you

“Jupiter cancelled him and we’re not going to question that”

genuinely asking: how would these laws apply to that guy who got struck by lightning on seven separate occasions but survived every time?

I think I would have assumed Zeus was trying to fuck him.

worst possible response thanks so much

It looks like it would be so excited to run over when you needed a bowl

I'm sorry how fucken old do u hafta be to be *predynastic EGYPTIAN*

listen this vintage meme is high quality and i will hear nothing said against it

20 years. I am not happy about this.

I’m delighted at the bucket reappearing but dismayed at the passage of time

I love the lolrus but my god I am so old.

unrestrained summer fun

I’ve seen this on my dash at least ten times now and somehow every single time I am once again unprepared for how the cat looks.

honestly i never thought the phrase “i want that twink obliterated” was like a sexual thing. like when i read the phrase i imagine “a meteor like the one that killed the dinosaurs is summoned from the heavens and hits the twink in question” type situation

Apples are so fucked up you can get two from the same pile ans one tastes more like an apple than anything youve ever eaten and the other tastes like water poisoned by pharaohs

ah shit they're gaining on us. we gotta jettison some weight. throw all those stolen boomerangs out we don't need em

On it, boss!

Bad news, boss!

:/

kids were roleplaying with minecraft figurines and one of them had their figure go up to the other and say “i’m in love with you” and the other one replied “sword slash to the chest. and you’re on fire”