yikes

Let’s play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.

The ridiculousness of this is genuinely funnier than any joke I can come up with. What is this, the pop psychology buzzword edition of Mortal Kombat? wtf is a Super Empath? Is there a Super Narcissist? Did they level up after gaining experience points? What are their power moves? Come on, I need answers.

Edit: living for this tag;

And how so many of them share the same vocabulary, like "Freshmen" and "Sorority" and "FBI"

Hey guys this is my AmeriVerse OC, his name is Tanner Michaels and he is a Senior in a Frat House at Townsville College- Go Tigers!

His girlfriend Amanda has a cheerleading scholarship and is the Vice President of her sorority, and is so good at Hazing Freshies!

Campus Police are always trying to ruin his good time, but he knows he can count on his good friends Hunter and Cooper to secure him some Illegal Marijuana 😉

This year, he's telling his parents Mark and Joanne that he's going skiing with Amanda and her parents- little do they know, he is spending Spring Break in Mexico with his Boys!

But wait- what's that? Crime Scene Investigation Federal Agents Chris Smith and Jack James, here to investigate an Urban, Inner-City Terrorism?

Sorry Tanner, it looks like Hunter and Cooper are going to be Living La Vida Loca without you THIS time. Special Agents Smith and James are sending YOU to Marine Fighter Boot Camp, to become the perfect Spring Break Special Agent!

Will Tanner be able to get his act together in time to Protect and Serve under His Nation's Best And Brightest? Or will he Fail to Protect the Greatest Country On Earth?

This April, watch Agent Spring Break!