Ken was created from Barbie’s rib

ordered a burger AMA

we’re dating now btw

I’m so happy for you and the burger

so funny how the older u get ur like how the fuck on gods green earth did people used to manage all th- ahhh.. i need one of these wives everybody keeps talking about..

"how was X so successful and productive and achieving?" wife feeding and clothing and cleaning and shopping and parenting for them and also probably booking appointments and personal receptionist work. AND stimulant abuse. and shes supposed to suck you off whenever. id kill him too #feminists

every day of my life i read someone being like “why doesn’t this story just solve the problem immediately and casually? they just drag it out and make it an issue” well. because that’s the Story

its awesome that neither mind reading nor god are real and all of the thoughts inside of your head are completely private and consequenceless forever #myprivacy

people love to talk about shane being a cumslut while ignoring the ilya is also a cumslut moaning sooo happily around shane's dick during their first hookup and then trying to brush it off as Ohhh i dont mind no worries :) meanwhile hes about .2 seconds from getting hard again if shane doesnt start freaking out. anyway its cumslut4cumslut here let your tops be cumsluts its enrichment for them

long distance friends pets feel like celebrities because you can only be parasocial with them

“Hi, I’m Hiccup Haddock. Welcome to Jackass.” *lights fuse*

8 hours of decent sleep will have you thinking things like 'i am a beautiful horse and i will never die'

also its important to me that shane Knew he was gay the whole time, it was this Thing itches in the back of his brain, something he couldn't look at head on or really think about. bc admitting it was like giving up. but its not that he didn't Know. shane hollander didn't have to have rose tell him hes gay for him to be like "oh huh really i hadn't noticed" bc he Knew. and you can see it so clearly on his face in that scene how he knew. how thinking about it scares him, how Really looking at this part of himself feels impossible. but again shanes not just completely unselfaware, he knows this about himself he just Hopes he can make it work. that it doesnt really matter. he likes rose Enough, he likes girls Enough, it can be Enough

I love you, crowsfeet; I love you, gray hairs; I love you, sun spots; I love you, smile lines; I love you, crinkle between my eyebrows; I love you, crooked smile; I love you, visible signs of a life lived

affirmations they will not kill me at work today. it is not in my job description to get killed. if they did kill me at work that would be weird and probably not worth it for them