always, worlds within worlds

i’m literally never going to get over galina asking ilya UNPROMPTED during their SECOND SESSION how old he was when he had sex for the first time like can you imagine lmaoooo this woman should not have a license

the thing is i KNOW sex is a performance for ilya specifically because he’s making those stupidass porn faces, which one would assume like many tween boys is where he learned sexual norms in the first place, okay so this is what i am supposed to do, this is what people want from me. it’s actually a little crazy because at least for the first however many years he and shane are opposites in their sexual experience in that for shane it’s the one place in his life where he isn’t performing and he can fully embody himself, and then for ilya it’s the place where he performs the hardest to earn intimacy and connection.

now my main qualm with all the depressed ilya fics is that other than one or two, they don't really dig into the fact that being super depressed makes you angry as fuck. like to me ilya isn't lying on a fainting couch and weeping softly and thinking shane is better off without him, ilya is punching walls and thinking how he wishes he'd never met shane, how he hates everyone and everything. he's bitter and resentful and he gets violent and MEAN. he hates himself because he thinks awful things and behaves terribly. he thinks awful things and behaves terribly because he hates himself. that's how the cycle works.

to be honest my favorite thing about heated rivalry both the book and the show is that it fundamentally doesn’t respect hockey. like genuinely who gives a fuck about the rules or history or culture or logistics. just make shit up in service of gay porn. it’s so inspiring.

yuna wearing medium wash denim and swirling her white wine while plotting how to put her weird gay son on the iron throne is just so vital to me

the worst thing about ottawa ending is that ilya doesn’t get to connect with his natural habitat the waffle house. he’s like a dolphin that’s never seen the sea.

ilya loves to open-mouthed cough all over the place and then spit on the ground. you heard it here first folks.

like shane hollander loooooooves a face-eating leopard and surely the fact that the face-eating leopards have now surrounded him in a circle means they are about to accept him as one of their own

creating a complex and nuanced relationship between ruby and jade pike. their ghostly offscreen theoretical toddler presences…..the golden twin daddy’s girl and black sheep twin scapegoat is HAPPENING. in my mind. i mean it’s kind of an eventuality when you have one parent who is the head of the household who pits you against each other like that. so you’ll wind up with straight-A neurotic eating disorder jade who sees exactly what happens if she isn’t perfect and loveable (shane thinks she’s just the greatest kid around), and then ruby is gonna be stealing schnapps. let’s all kill hayden pike together.

imagine a world where fic writers write shane hollander like an adult….