here are my recommendations: part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9
all of the fics mentioned are in my public ao3 bookmarks, and you can check my rec tag for reblogs of fics i've read recently
i also have tags for my ramblings, my music thoughts, and my art
you can find all of my thoughts on the german dub here
if you ever see me reblog something that's ai generated, please let me know – i wouldn't ever do that on purpose! also please tell me if you see any of my posts on instagram/twitter/reddit
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"'We could only have one child,'' David said quietly. "We thought about adopting, but we decided in the end to just focus on making Shane the best person we could. I think we did an okay job of it.
Ilya smiled at the understatement.
"We couldn't be prouder of the man he's become,' David continued. "I don't have any Stanley Cup rings, but I have Shane.''
Chapter 39, The Long Game
....
It's Christmas of 1988.
There's one more present under the tree, and Yuna's eyes are dancing as she hands it to David. He opens it to find the tiniest pair of shoes he's ever seen.
"No. Really?" He's dizzy.
"Really," Yuna grins, and her eyes are shining with tears, and David loves that face more than anything. He hopes their baby looks just like her.
.....
It's a bitterly cold day in February of 1989 when David puts the shoes away. He pushes down all the anger of it's not fair, why us, why our baby. Yuna needs him.
The doctor had said you're young, you can try again.
.....
In the spring of 1990 the flowers are blooming to life and Yuna's belly is starting to look rounder. David looks around the empty bedroom in their Ottawa house and thinks green might be nice, something that works for a boy or a girl, a nice cheerful shade. Next week he'll buy the paint.
The call from the hospital comes before he gets the chance. When he looks at the doctor's scrubs he thinks green is the ugliest colour on earth.
.....
They don't talk about it. Not when the leaves are changing colour and the nurse offers them congratulations. Not at Christmas or New Year's as they turn the calendar over to 1991. It's Valentines Day before David gets the courage to touch the rounded swell of his wife's body and he cries when whoever is inside touches him back. It doesn't matter that they don't have a name or a face yet, he loves them so much it hurts.
.....
On a Friday morning in May, David holds his son for the first time. His face is scrunched and blotchy red and angry. He's the most perfect thing anyone has ever laid eyes on.
He watches Yuna sing and rock him near the nursery window at home, her face glowing. He thinks the yellow paint was definitely the right choice for their sunshine, their only sunshine.
.....
Shane is a chubby baby (they laugh themselves sick when the baby shoes don't even fit on his fat little biscuit feet) but by the time he turns two he has leaned out into a little boy, they think maybe they are ready to try again. David imagines a girl this time, introducing Shane to his baby sister. Melissa sounds pretty. The baby name book had said it meant honeybee and doesn't that just fit perfectly amidst sunshine and flowers and springtime?
.....
It never happens.
Shane is an only child at four and five and six and he's becoming something special on the ice, all the coaches say so. David thinks that they have no idea what they're talking about when they say that because Shane Hollander has always been special from the time he kicked and rolled inside his mother, before he ever knew what cold was.
If he's all they get, they will make sure he knows he is everything.
.....
Sometimes David wants to take Shane by the shoulders and apologize to him for making him think he has to be everything. You don't have to try so hard to be perfect for us, he wants to say. You're perfect to us because you're you, you're ours, don't you know how we prayed and hoped and waited just for you to exist, don't you know that's enough?
Much, much later as he waves to him (to them) in late evening sunshine, he sees Shane relax behind the windshield with a loving hand on the back of his neck. David feels something inside of him loosen.
.....
On Shane’s wedding day, David embraces both his sons and dances with his wife and my god, if this is all he ever gets in life, no man has ever been so lucky.
.....
"Are you ready?" Shane is smiling and his eyes are shiny. Ilya looks much the same.
David is dizzy. But he nods and holds his hands out. Shane places the baby in his arms and oh, she's so tiny. He forgot how tiny they start out.
Her little knit hat is yellow.
"Hey there, honeybee," he murmurs, and his voice is foggy with unshed tears. "I'm your grandpa."
And the thing about Shane's "With who?" is that in a mere two words, Shane immediately shows his cards. Like BAM, it's all out on the table - just the instantaneousness of the question, the way it bursts out of him with no lead up, no preamble, an irrepressible blurt at the mere sight of Ilya,,, it exposes the entirety of Shane's frustration and hurt during the six months of silence in one fell swoop. It makes it IMMEDIATELY obvious that Ilya was constantly on his mind, that Shane clearly spent ages torturing himself with the thought of Ilya being out with other people. "With who?" In that hurt, resentful, accusatory tone and just like that, Ilya has the upper hand. No wonder Ilya swaggered onto that stage with that cocky little smirk. He knew he still had Shane hooked.
Ilya in the passage above is close to spiraling, close to descending into a hopeless moment where he feels isolated from everyone around him, but the spell is broken only by a lighthearted moment where Troy shows interest in him and his plans for the summer. Harris and I will be around all summer. We’d like to hang out. Bring your dog. It’s also important that this happens after they lose the playoffs. Troy isn’t looking to Ilya to just be his captain and sounding board, he’s looking for friendship, and in doing so reassures Ilya that they are friends. Then, because someone reaches out, Ilya is able to offer the same in return. Connection. I think this is a really effective way of illustrating how depression inside your mind feels complex and insurmountable, not to mention isolating, but something simple like a brief moment of connection with a friend can bring you out of it and provide relief. Not forever, but at least for the moment.
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Imagine if Shane had a side order of auditory processing disorder with his autism. He wouldn’t have heard 1221 if his life depended on it. Instead he’d be triangulating Scott Hunter’s movements all night and making an educated guess from there
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i love that cliff is the first raider shane clocks in the club scene bc a) duh this is me we’re talking about and b) DUH of course he’s the first one you’re gonna see in any setting he’s ENORMOUS. he’s easily the tallest motherfucker there. there is no mistaking that obscene hairline. even over the music he is so Loud. and wherever tweedledum is tweedledee isn’t far behind - and yep, there’s ilya eating some broad’s earring. god. shane seeing cliff marleau’s skyscraper self in the club is like seeing a black dog right before you die.
Heated Rivalry Characters as fish I saw at the aquarium today
ok this feels a little mean when i put it together like this but i dont mean it to be
Bonus round: what ilya thinks everyone is cause he lives in my head now and wont leave
Yes pike its brainless and boring just like you
marllyyyy its the raiders colours :D
hunter you are one million years old and slow as fuck
My shane (also very stupid cause within 3 seconds of being near the croc it showed its massive dick and then ejaculated everywhere, ilya would love this)
yeah no i've been so sane waiting for season two of heated rivalry what are you talking about. wait why are you calling for the nurse
first night post cottage they both cant seem to fall sleep and are both unsure if they should communicate that (bc theyre idiots) or if thats too much or too clingy
but then finally ilya sends i cant sleep and before he can spiral about it shane texts back immediately me neither with a selfie from inside his home gym and bc of this ilya feels a little brave and a lot needy so he adds my bed feels too empty now :( and then shane calls him and they face time for over two hours
Shane feels like a school girl, or something equally as innocent and wanting as he tucks his phone against the empty pillow beside him. The same pillow that had mocked him earlier with its lack of Ilya. Lack of Ilya’s curls and smell and warmth and way he loves to shove his cold feet all over Shane as they fell asleep together.
He lays his phone on its side, so it’s like he’s laying facing Ilya and pulls his comforter up over his shoulder, rubbing his face down into his pillow as he settles. “Better now?” Ilya’s voice is warped by the phone speaker but Shane can, with imagination and a squint of his eyes and slow sleepy breaths pretend that it’s real and here and Ilya is with him.
“Mmm. Better. Better for you?” Shane asks and he watches as Ilya adjusts his pillow under his head a few times, arm bent back to adjust it. His bicep looks pretty bundled muscle and Shane sucks his bottom lip into his mouth.
“Yes of course. My boyfriend is very good at phone sex and makes me very sleepy” Ilya affirms and Shane’s chest shimmers like sun on the oceans top, boyfriend.
“Just very good?” Shane asks instead and Ilya sucks his teeth, pouts his mouth at him.
“Mm. Is best” Ilya corrects and Shane smirks, it had been the best, Ilya’s low rumbly voice as he told Shane hushed and frantic exactly what he missed, how he missed Shane being aching and soft and ready to take him, how all summer he’d been so ready perfect to take Ilya’s cock because they needed it every day, both of them, needed to get Shane on his cock and fuck he misses it now. Needs it now his warmth his tightness.
Shane’s orgasm had been warm, pretty and thundering, oceans up form his toes and stars behind his eyelids. Had made him go slack mouthed and hot eared and mutter a little “please please Ilya” against his pillow as he spilled messy into his fist. His mouth had gone hungry watching Ilya’s cum thick and perfect shoot a mess over his stomach, drip back down the length of him. Shane had wanted to clean him with his mouth more than anything in that moment. He’s had a fleeting half milsecond impulse to fly to Boston to do so, just to taste his Ilya.
“Alarm set?” Shane asks, and rubs at his tired eyes, muffles a yawn.
“Yes captain Hollander, alarm set” Ilya salutes him and Shane rolls his eyes. “Whatever miss practice, better for us” Shane shrugs and Ilya laughs, yawns in echo of Shane.
Shane blinks heavy and then he hears Ilya’s voice. “Come on, sweetheart it’s time to sleep” Ilya’s saying Shane nods.
“Get comfy Zaychik I will stay on phone until you are asleep yes? We will both sleep better this way” he says and Shane nods, rolls to be laid on his tummy, shoves his arm up under his pillow and feels the weight of sleep start to kiss at his heels.
“You sleep too?” Shane asks, longing to have Ilya here, to have his boy laid over his back, his face pressed into the crook of Shane’s neck, so Shane could feel him going heavy and falling asleep on him.
“Okie” Ilya agreed and Shane peeps open an eye to watch Ilya settling in, his phone propped up somehow too. Shane thinks he should order them tripods when he wakes up, might make this easier.
“Love you” Shane sighs, pouts his lips out in a small mock kiss and the line is silent for a moment.
It makes the tiniest spark of worry light.
“Spokoynoy nochi… Potselui dlya menya? Ot takogo krasivogo malchika? Kak zhe mne tak povezlo, a? Ya lyublyu tebya, moy milyy, sonnyy malchik”
Shane smiles as he picks out the I love you, the words familiar to him now in Russian.
“Sleep, Shane- I’m right here” Shane hears before he does just that, slipping into the deep sleep he’d been restless and aching for hours ago.
It would be really funny if Ilya's bachelor party takes on mythic status because of his reputation, with tonnes of rumours and people saying there's nothing on social media because people had to sign NDAs, only for it to never have happened. Too many people joked about throwing him the wildest party ever and he spent the time in between the season ending and the wedding ducking and weaving plans because he was NOT jeopardising this! He is not waking up just before marrying Shane in another country, in jail, or drunkenly married to someone else! He just wants to marry the love of his life so bad he's not even waiting to order chairs, STAY AWAY FROM HIM!!!
rating: T | tags: soft middle-of-the-night happenings, cuddles, banter, domesticity
shane wakes in the night needing to pee. ilya is cuddling him from behind, one arm cushioning shane's neck and the other weighing down the dip of shane's waist, their legs criss-crossing and tangled in blankets. shane is loathe to move, but his bladder is full and insistent and he knows he won't be able to fall back asleep without dealing with it. so he begins the awful process of disentangling himself from ilya — unhooking an ankle from ilya's calf, removing a leg from between ilya's legs, lifting ilya's arm from his stomach. he does it all painstakingly slowly, not wanting to wake ilya, but his efforts prove futile. he's barely shifted away from ilya when he hears ilya inhale behind him, feels him stir.
sleepy hum, then, "shane?"
ilya's voice just woken up is like a dream. shane feels warm listening to it. the deep timbre of it. he finishes returning ilya's arm to him, though ilya seems unwilling to accept it, and looks over his shoulder as he does. in the dark he can make out only the broadest features of ilya's form—the bulk of his torso and the indistinct smudge of his soft curls. shane reaches in that direction and caresses his head briefly.
"just gonna go to the bathroom."
ilya grunts and sighs in one go, unhappy. shane leaves the bed. he shuts the en-suite door behind him quickly, not wanting the light to spill out for too long. the bathroom is blinding and cold after the bed and ilya's arms; shane rushes through his business, eager to return to both. before he comes back out he shuts the light off through a crack in the door.
as he approaches the bed again the slightly deeper dark of ilya's sleeping form moves. shane discerns a hand reaching out to him.
"come here," ilya mumbles. he sounds like half his mouth is squashed against the pillow. shane smiles, unseen by anyone. he begins climbing back in next to ilya, ducking under his outstretched arm.
"did you wait up for me?" he asks, settling onto his side facing ilya and pulling the blankets back over his lower half. ilya's arm comes around him, palm against his shoulder blades, and brings him in. shane snakes his arms around ilya's middle.
"yes," ilya says. "you take longest pisses in the fucking world."
"shut up, i take normal pisses." shane says this into ilya's neck, where the skin is thin and warm, and his heartbeat bumps up against shane's lips. all shane has to do is purse his lips to kiss him. he does. "you thought it was long because you missed me."
"yes," ilya says simply. shane lets ilya feel his smile. ilya shimmies down the bed a little, so shane's head is tucked more snugly between his chin and his shoulder, then slings one of his legs over both of shane's like a massive koala. shane really hopes he won't need to pee again until morning. ilya kisses shane's hair in several different places, quick and affectionate. mwah, mwah, mwah. then he settles down with a sigh.
"comfortable?" he asks. his voice is all around shane. shane hums.
"very comfortable."
"sleep?"
"sleep," shane agrees.
they do.
thank you for reading! reblogs and comments make me the happiest person in the world 💗
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Re: that ask about child/teen Shane---I think more than lonely, teenaged Shane was bored.
I think before Ilya shows up and ignites in Shane romantic and sexual desire Shane didn't really have like...the emotional lexicon to be lonely.
I think teenaged Shane was out here with a group of groupies-slash-friends, a good family, girls chasing after him. He was being interviewed and toted as the coming of Hockey Jesus, he was handily winning every single competition. I think he was living this incredibly charmed life and not even aware of what was missing until Ilya shows up and makes him work for it (on and off ice)
This is Luca Haas and no one can convince me otherwise 🙂↕️ Ilya sees this and immediately takes him shopping. “Shopping for what?” “Cool stuff, Shane, you wouldn’t understand. Come on, Haasy.”
the queerest team in the league @ottawa--centaurs - Tumblr Blog | Tumlook
