the queerest team in the league

late to the HR train but i watched the entire season in basically one sitting and now i cant thinking about them and watching connor and hudson content oops

Initially, he's too worried about how the conversation between his wife and his son is going to really think too much about the enormous hockey player opposite him. But after a few moments he realises that it's too quiet.

It's not that he's expecting Rozanov – Ilya – to be as loud and showboaty as he is in interviews, but he's definitely not expecting the man to be intently staring into his glass like it holds all the secrets of the universe, not moving a single muscle. David is sure this isn't just normal meeting-the-parents nerves. It's terror, like Ilya is scared to do or say anything. Like he's scared it'll provoke David or something.

And suddenly Ilya doesn't seem like an enormous hockey player at all – just a scared kid in a situation he didn't plan for or expect anymore than his son did. After all, David has also accidentally outed him.

He regards Ilya for a moment before clearing his throat.

"So, Ilya, what do you like to eat?"

Ilya's head snaps up and his eyes meet David's.

"I'm sorry?" He says it carefully, like he's waiting for it to be a trick question, and David's heart gives a little pang. What has happened to this kid to make him so suspicious and anxious?

"What's your favourite thing to eat?" David asks with a smile, making sure his voice is as calm and gentle as possible. It feels a bit like he's trying to coax a scared and cornered animal out from under a car. "I think you and Shane should stay for dinner. Since I think we'll be seeing more of you from now on, I'd like to know what kind of food you enjoy so that we can make it for you when you visit. So what can I get you? Burgers? Pasta? We have a pizza oven if you'd like a pizza?"

"Pasta," says Ilya, the corners of his mouth turning up in an encouraging way. "If it's like the pasta Shane makes, I think I will really like that."

"Pasta it is then," says David, smile growing at the way Ilya's shoulders settle. He resolves right then to make sure that Ilya will never feel this terrified in his home again. "Want to help me get it started? Beats sitting here worrying about how the conversation outside is going, right?"

"Right," says Ilya with the first real smile he's ever seen from him. And David sees it then – sees the man that Shane must have seen beneath the bravado, beneath the act.

(And maybe one day Ilya sees a photo of young David with his motocycle and is like hmm. I get it Yuna)

There's a picture of David straddling the motorcycle with Yuna sitting behind him, arms wrapped around his waist. They're both wearing sunglasses and Yuna is very obviously wearing David's leather riding jacket because it's oversized on her. They're both young and in love and while Yuna is grinning at the camera, David is grinning at her.

When your situationship is telling you how the rest of your night might go and you forgot why you were mad at him in the first place.

Ok. But have any of you thought about shane and Ilya fucking while Ilya is fully dressed in a suit while Shane is all naked and needy in his lap. Maybe it’s an award show- something for the charity. But when they get home, Ilya stays in his pressed expensive suit, nice heavy cuff links, watch, neatly done tie. Even his dress shoes. Shane is on Ilya once they get through the door, nosing and kissing and grabbing and Ilya grabs his face and whispers “needy huh?” And shane huffs “come on Ilya I need you” he’s nuzzling his face into throat, mouthing at the skin, hands pushing under Ilya’s jacket, trying to get the jacket off him. Ilya just clicks his tongue and pulls Shane’s hands together behind his back, gripping at his wrists. “Why don’t you show me, how bad you need me” he asks, and he’s stripping shane out of his jacket, before moving to sit on the couch, legs sprawled out.

Shane gets completely naked, careful work of his clothes as Ilya watches him. Maybe Ilya asks Shane to get them a nightcap, and shane does, naked as he pours them one glass of vodka. “One for you too” ilya insists and shane nods. “wanna share” which makes Ilya smile, rub his hand over his peck as he watches him.

Ilya keeps his arms sprawled along the back of the couch, legs wide as shane climbs into his lap. Ilya wants to touch but it’s so much more fun to feel shane nuzzle into him, like an over eager puppy, his big strong bare thighs shifting against the rough rich fabric of his suit.

Ilya is careful not to move, not until shane is saying “here” and handing Ilya the glass, and Ilya accepts it in his hand. Ilya takes his sip, slow and pulls back to eye shane, who low lidded and staring, chin tilting up in the way that’s him asking for a kiss. Ilya presses the glass to his lips instead and helps shane take a drink. They share it a couple times more before Shane’s squirming getting incessant, wriggling and pushing into Ilya’s warmth. Then a soft “Ilya?” And his hands are on Ilya’s chest, pushing up to fiddle with the white press of his shirt collar, to his tie, fingers fussing.

“Mm come, give me a kiss then” Ilya concedes and shane is on him, hands gripping into his tie and Shane is licking into Ilya’s mouth, hungry, needy, and pressing in tight.

They make out like that, until shane is aching dripping hard and his bare cock is rutting against Ilya’s clothed hip. The suit fabric has such a perfect lovely nice scratch to it, making Shane’s skin tingle and burn. It feels filthy, having Ilya’s hands gripping at his waist, ass, thighs, the fabric of his sleeves dragging over skin.

Shane is making a mess of Ilya’s suit when Ilya gets his fingers inside him, steady wet precum dripping down to the black fabric of Ilya’s suit pants. Lube dripping messy from between his legs, where Ilya is knuckle deep. Some of it smearing on the sleeve.

So one year for charity different pro athletes get asked to participate in a live game based on one of those “how well do you know your partner” games but instead it’s “how well do you know your rival” and participating means you get to raise money for a charity of your choice and obviously Shane and Ilya want to promote the Irina Project so they agree and go up against other current famous rivals from other sports

And Shane and Ilya discuss ahead of time that obviously they’ll have to just play things off as they usually do, light hearted chirps back and forth and what not, “winning” is just for the show and won’t impact how much money gets made for their charity so it doesn’t matter. Except then they get there and become overtaken by the need to Win and Be the Best and they are the best. So without needing to discuss changing the plan, as soon as the questions start they lock in and decide that actually they have to demolish everyone else

The other rivals are laughing and making jokes at the questions but Shane and Ilya are deadly serious and the host starts to get a little weirded out by the fact that they actually know the answers and aren’t just saying things like “how many goals last season? Probably one less than me haha” and actually have each others stats memorized

Because the audience is loving it they go to a lightning round that’s just Shane and Ilya and it’s now the usual couple game questions and they’re still getting them right because they can make excuses for knowing later, right now is about Winning

“What is Shane’s favorite breakfast?”

“Kale protein shake with a scoop of peanut butter and a handful of blueberries.”

“Ok um, what is Ilya’s favorite breakfast?”

“Two sausage egg McMuffins with an extra slice of cheese and hashbrowns.”

“What is something on Shane’s bucket list?”

“Sleeping in one of those see through igloos under the northern lights.”

“What is something on Ilya’s bucket list?”

“That thing where you feed giraffes at a zoo.”

“Ok last one. I think we all know Shane’s answer is former paramour Rose Landry, but who do you think is the most famous person Rozanov has ever slept with is?”

*through teeth gritted so tight he is in danger of chipping one* “Probably a model. Or something.”

“… Yeah, let’s go with that.”

Pleated Rivalry.

Au where they play soccer.

Cleated Rivalry.

AU where they are in rival frats and meet at a toga party.

Rival suburban garden and landscaping companies: Weeded Rivalry

Rival heritage craftsman specialising in traditional roofing techniques: Reeded Rivalry

Yuna: "But you hate him"

Shane: "No, I get that, but no. I love him."