the queerest team in the league

shane hollander is a jock, a dude, a 200 pounds man, a captain, he's been giving interviews and speeches before he could even walk, he plays in front of thousands and thousands of people and loud af crowds, he's a performer, he's constantly in front of cameras, he's been under scrutiny his whole life, he's an athlete, he breathes-eats-sleeps-shits sport, he swears, he's masculine, his hockey gear is probably putrid, he's a certified mcgymbro™, he only wears athletic stuff, he models, he does commercials, his main personality trait is hockey, he's kissed and hugged by his sweaty teammates in the locker room, he's ripped, he's an asshole, he's sarcastic, he's a bitch, he uses "fuck" every three words, he hires a stylish and a designer because his taste is bro. and he is all that while being neurodivergent too.

an idea for a college au where it’s shane’s freshman year and it’s the first time he’s drunk as hell and he’s trying to enter his room and his keys is not working at all and he’s mumbling and grumbling and trying to open the door and nothing is working and suddenly the door swings open and there’s a man that shane’s has never seen before and he looks mad “what the fuck are you doing in my door” he asks “your door? this is my room” shane’s says “no, this is my room” “no, it’s my room” shane’s replies slurring the words and then they go back and forth. the guys notice he’s drunk and kinda accepts he’s not going anywhere with this conversation so he just pulls shane inside, takes his shoes and jeans and put shane to sleep with him in his bed. next morning shane’s wakes up with the worst headache he ever felt in his entire life an arm draped across his stomach and panics looking at his side and seeing a literal angel laying besides him. he bolts from the bed finds his clothes and everything else and leaves the room. later he realizes he’s in a different floor. after that he just tries do pretend that this never happened. next class he gets there early, like always, and who shows up and sit right next to him? the guy from the other day “not very nice of you to ditch me like that after i took such good care of you, yes?” and shane’s face is bright red from embarrassment and mumble an apology but he wants nothing to do with the guy anymore but now he has an assignment with him and now they have to spend weeks together and there’s no way to run anymore. he’s stuck with ilya rozanov who seems to be enjoying every single minute of shane’s despair

ilya's obsession with grabbing shane's jaw......turning shane this way and that by his jaw.........shoving shane back by his jaw.......clenching his hand around shane's jaw.......stroking shane's jaw......sucking shane's jaw........smacking shane's jaw......opening shane's jaw to slide his dick, his fingers, his entire gigantic desire into shane's throat.....woweeeeee

ilya posts a video on instagram with the caption “my husband and the dog he didn’t want” and it’s shane cradling anya like a baby outside the vet’s office whispering “you were so brave, honey. we’ll get you a pup cup on the drive home and you can sit in my lap while papa drives. you did such a good job when the scary lady poked you. such a good girl” and people everywhere lose their fucking minds

I have this marketing idea for season two where they create an actual ottawa centaurs instagram account and post a bunch of in-character content as if it was a real hockey team being run by a real guy and also this is how they announce the actors playing them