Hello, Lovies!

im gonna try explaining myself, cus im a gambling addict and im waiting for the day that it actually works.

"forgiveness" is personal, that's why I said in the post that you might inflict harm on people for which they can never forgive you, but that's their quest. if you abuse someone, you can't go no-contact with yourself. you actually keep living in your own head indefinitely, and ultimately you need to learn to live with yourself in order to continue living a full life without further harm. this is not necessarily an anti-carceral thought, although i am generally anti-carceral myself. I simply want people to like, fix their heart and atone for real with measured accountability & self love instead of dissociating, self-marking themselves forever and guaranteeing their recidivism.

Even if everyone else has forgiven you for the abuse you did, you must never allow yourself to let what you did be forgiven. Once you've done that, you've gotten to the point where you might do it again.

And if you believe the world works like that one other thing also has to be true: You know you are a ‘good person’, so nothing you ever do could be truly abusive. You could never truly harm another person. And if you did they must have deserved it. Because you are a good person.

And wow, does that not just sound like something abusers usually say, when confronted with their own behavior?

All of these steps towards self-forgiveness require fucking work that fundamentally changes the person seeking that self-forgiveness. That is the fucking healing process.

If you don't allow people the grace of self-forgiveness, then there is no room for self-improvement. If there is no room for self-improvement, then there is no way to heal. And people that can't heal will inevitably do monstrous things. Pointless shame just makes hurt people more volatile.

This!

If someone who did something shitty is doing everything to be better so they won’t do that harm again, and all people do is throw their shit in their face forever, they’re not going to bother to change because that’s all they’re being seen as.

The people they hurt don’t owe them forgiveness, but the hurt people also shouldn’t follow the abuser around and destroy them as they try to do better so they don’t repeat the harm.

So, in terrible news, Trump's trying to pull some strings to pass this massive internet censorship bill, featuring all the kinds of internet censorship we're terrified of, including mandatory ID for accessing basically any website, specifically to crush state regulation of AI, because apparently this man will always see the moral bottom of the barrel and start digging.

6/14/2026

There were a lot of things I didn’t like about my body at the time (and to this day), but my sex drive wasn’t one of them. And while I wanted — needed — to start hormones, I was scared of losing my ability to feel sexual pleasure. So the next time I had an appointment with my doctor to talk about hormones, I asked her if I would still be able to have orgasms.

She made a disgusted sound from the back of her throat, as though I’d just said something distasteful and completely inappropriate. “Most transsexuals find,” she said, refusing to meet my gaze, “that their masculine sexual…urges are very disturbing to them. So that when they become women, they don’t need orgasms.”

"Nobody eats flour tortillas in Mexico!"

Maybe nobody in Jalisco, Michoacan, Oaxaca, Veracruz etc. eats flour tortillas, but my Chihuahuense grandparents ate nothing but flour tortillas and legit never even touched a corn tortilla until my dad married my Jalisciense mom

"Burritos are not authentic Mexican food! In Mexico they're considered gringo food!"

Cutting - in my opinion, the most labor intensive part of the process. The amount of time/effort needed varies depending on the pattern and if seam allowance is included or marked separately, but no matter what this process can not be done by machine. Each and every panel and piece of fabric that goes into a garment must be cut by hand by a person.

Pinning/clipping - pinning (or clipping) is the stage at which you align the pieces you are going to be stitching together and hold them together with — you guessed it! — either pins or clips. This can not be done by machine.

Stitching - the actual sewing. This can be done by a sewing machine, but that machine still needs to be operated by a human being.

Ironing/pressing - two words that mean the same thing. The iron itself is a machine, but once again, it needs to be operated by a human being.

Finishing - depending on the technique you use, there are certain finishing techniques that can only be done by hand. But, let’s assume we’re talking about fast fashion, which is usually just finished with a simple overlock/serger. Once again: these machines need to be operated by people.

These are just the basic steps to making a garment, and don’t include textile arts that I am not as knowledgeable about, such as weaving, knitting, and crochet. Also, it is important to note that there are a lot of things that can only be done by hand, such as certain stitches and decorative techniques.

Also, the machinery being operated in textile factories is not equivalent to a domestic sewing machine. We’re talking about one of these guys:

See that gray cylinder under the table, behind the knee pedal? That’s the motor. These machines can sew through your fingers bones and all and not even stop. The people in these factories and sweatshops are operating heavy machinery, and are subject to all the risk that comes with that in addition to all of the work I mentioned above.

By this I mean, the need to assert dominance over other sexualities and romantic orientations instead of focusing on the most marginalised aspecs and giving us the support and resources to battle multiple oppressions at once. This idea that being aspec gives you authority to attack or punch at people who do experience that form of attraction that you have little to none of because of amatonormativity, compulsory sexuality etc. and that it's 'punching up', even if the allo group is oppressed too.

Black aspec activism is grounded in community. Pretty much every Black aspec theorist ever has stated the fact that sex and romance are circumstantial. As Black people, we are shunned for both having sexual attraction and little to none of it, having romantic attraction and little to none of and so on and do forth. Black asexuals, Black aromantics, Black agender people etc. all share this white supremacist control of our bodies. It can never be simple binary of allo = oppressor, aspec = oppressed for us. It's vital that Black alloaces, Black aroaces, Black aroallos, Black non-SAM users and Black allorose people have shared solidarity because none of our sexualities are accepted under white supremacy.

But a LOT of aspec tumblr really doesn't wanna interrogate their anti allo sentiments, even when it harms alloaces and alloaros too. From the hip hop moral panic a lot of white asexuals had issues with coming to terms with the fact that Black allosexuals are still oppressed and refused to accept they could be antiblack to them. (Hell, some of them are still denying it to this day). Just today I've had issues with non-Black aroallos trying to make excuses towards acephobia towards alloaces even though our romo attraction isn't accepted bc we're ace (and some of us have a bunch of other identities on top of it too)

This is how we end up with things like anti-sex Black stripe asexuality groups and things like the Aro Manifesto saying romance is intrinsically oppressive and should be abolished.

Sex and romance are not protected classes. They are privileged and oppressed depending on the context they exist in. A white allosexual can participate in sexuality in a way a Black allosexual cannot. A straight alloromantic can participate in romance in a way that a lesbian alloromantic cannot. You can't really be anti allosexual, anti alloromantic or anti allorose in general without harming the 2nd groups, who are already oppressed. Some of you aren't actually looking for romantic and sexual freedom for all, you are seeking to control sex and romance in the same way your aspec identity is controlled and restricted and because of all your unpacked bigotry, you project this onto marginalised forms of sex and romance, including Black allorose people.

TL:DR - The solution to enforced cisheterosexual romance and sex will never be the abolition of sex and romance itself or to attack marginalised allo groups. It must be sexual and romantic freedom for everybody, the right to not have it *and* the right to have it. None of us are free until all of us are free etc etc.