"hurt people hurt people" yes mistress. anything for you mistress.

trying to explain why i like horror to people who don’t: ok so you know how it’s fun to be deeply disturbed and unsettled

8 hours of decent sleep will have you thinking things like 'i am a beautiful horse and i will never die'

2 hours of bad sleep will have you thinking things like 'i am a stranded whale and i need to be covered in dynamite in an ill-advised attempt to clear the beach'

you're laughing. charles dickens had a son named plorn and you're laughing

Plorn

NICK I LOOKED IT UP AND SAW NOTHING OF THE SORT IS THIS A PRANK

technically his name was edward but everyone called him plorn

I have something worse

oh???

imagine getting stuck with the nickname Plorn

WHY WERE THEY SO CRUEL TO MY BOY PLORN

Born without a groove 😔

Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like "posts that a gnome would make" or like "are you a phone"

I love this post

The horse thinks as it scratches an itch

i got that dog in me but it's poorly socialized and i don't take it on as many walks as i should

“don’t take it personally” how would you like me to take it then? professionally? romantically? academically?

i really like how the milkman exists as an entirely fossilized character who now serves no purpose other than to fuck people's wives for the punchline

this girl was showing all the signs of being a secret mermaid so i pushed her into the pool and she turned into a forty foot long mosasaurus which is tbh way cooler

not really sure how to get her out though

for those of you asking why i pushed her into the pool in the first place: i work for a duplicitous small town aquarium and i'm trying to kidnap mermaids to jump through hoops and shit to entertain tourists and make money. fucking obviously. now that i know she's actually a mosasaurus though i Have fallen in pure-hearted love with her

it's actually sick you get tired of eating the same food over and over when some animals they just eat grass all day mind you. just another pointless challenge mechanic added in by big universe to get you to go to the grocery store

Was literally thinking about this when I gave the rabbits their breakfast, the same dry pellets they get twice a day every day, and they were so hyped for it, as they always are. Why can't I have that where are my pellets #mypellets

hey so anyone else just, feel thin. sort of stretched. like butter scraped over too much bread. like you need a holiday. a very long holiday. and you don't expect you shall return? or is that just me and bilbo baggins

stop. analyse that text through the lens of its author's intentions and original historical context. okay now take the author out back and kill them dead and analyse that text as though it were published by your mutual yesterday and is in direct conversation with the contemporary discourse that's most relevant to your life. okay now pick your favorite angle of interpretation and come up with the strongest possible argument against it. now imagine that the text is your best friend and that it means you well and that you naturally give it every benefit of the doubt because you're on its side and you want the best for it. now imagine that the text wants you dead and it'll eat you if you don't eat it first. now pretend that you found this text locked away in a cave with no evidence of when or where it came from and you have to divine its meaning solely through its internal coherence and nothing else. okay now address the elephant in the room aspect of the text you've been ignoring because you find it boring or confusing or uncomfortable and become the number one expert on it. now spend forty minutes assigning all the characters dnd classes with at least three sentences of reasoning each. okay now do the cha cha slide.

india  foxtrot   yankee  oscar  uniform   charlie  alpha  november   romeo  echo  alpha  delta   tango  hotel  india  sierra   yankee  oscar  uniform    hotel  echo  lima lima  oscar   juliett  oscar  november. alpha  papa  oscar  lima  oscar  golf  india  echo  sierra   foxtrot  oscar  romeo   tango  hotel  echo   delta  echo  charlie  echo  papa  tango  india  oscar  november   bravo  uniform  tango  i  whiskey  alpha  november  tango  echo  delta   tango  oscar   mike  alpha  kilo  echo   sierra  uniform  romeo  echo   yankee  oscar  uniform   sierra  tango  alpha  romeo  tango  echo  delta   romeo  echo  alpha  delta  india  november  golf ,  sierra  oscar  i  tango  hotel  oscar  uniform  golf  hotel  tango   india  tango   bravo  echo  sierra  tango   november  oscar  tango tango  oscar   alpha  november november  oscar  uniform  november  charlie  echo   mike  yankee  sierra

these relationships are always increasing numbers as well. so obviously we need six eleven to mean somethimg