sing into my mouth

saw a post saying that New Yorkers force their kids to learn to play the recorder in school because they’re secretly looking for one that will be able to solve their rat problem. I can’t stop thinking about it

lol your kinda cute Not to be too aggressive or anything but I’ll rend you limb from limb

your mom is a baked potato your dad's dumb ass is asparagus and you are a god damn green bean

You will never be this bad ass

Dude, I wouldn't even fucking notice until I go to Google something and the search actually works again.

The only reason I would notice is my life would suddenly get easier

Imagine a more beautiful world. Could you survive it?

Free service with no ads: Okay so these guys are stealing my data

i'm a little tutorial fairy and i flutter around after you and go like "remember, turning on your lantern can improve visibility in dark places!" but then suddenly i feel like i'm being annoying and i get really quiet and distant for the next three hours

probably the worst attitude tumblr unintentionally cultivates is "the world out there is completely dangerous for you and no one can possibly understand you, so you should isolate yourself from it and avoid interacting with it as much as possible"