#1 wifelover supreme

god I'm such a slut for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce *decides it’s inaccurate to refer to myself as a slut in light of my minimal sexual activity* if The Enemy discovered my ardor for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce, they would gain a significant strategic advantage

the thing about that weird stuff americans call cheese is that if you heat it a little it becomes an excellent burger condiment despite its failings in every other area. such is the fate of the american cultural product

the American 'cheese' slice was engineered by our best scientific minds (all borrowed from Germany ofc) to melt perfectly onto a burger and for nothing else. Its only purpose is to compliment the one true product of the American people. The hamburger. (also borrowed from Germany)

reeling a little at the implication that the Kraft Single was a product of operation paperclip

They just invented the world’s fastest sandwich. They’re calling it the autobáhn mì

but actually genuinely why is the ant sad and leaving with a bindle

If nobody ever explained this to you, if someone you see a lot does something you like and you never ever tell them that, they might think you don’t like them or don’t like the things they do for you.

If you like your sister’s cooking and have never ever told her that, she may very well think that you hate her cooking. If you like it when your friend drives you places and you never ever thank them, they might think you’re not grateful even if you are. If you like it when your partner does this or that thing for you they won’t know that unless you tell them.

Tell people in your life hey thanks for driving me, that was a great dinner, I like your singing, thanks for helping me with that. They don’t automatically know that you appreciate what they do.

ok now put her in a public area and give her an embarrassed and worried expression and a slightly too-short skirt that she can't stop futilely fidgeting with

it’s weird that professional letters are supposed to start with “dear.” i don’t even call my mom that

my darling hiring manager. my springtime rose. if hired i will bring a strong work ethic to this position