Not today Justin
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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YOU ARE THE REASON
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@moresavagethanpreviouslythought
When my husband was growing up his mom ran the school lunch program at his school and often brought home large portions of leftover food for her family of six to have for dinner that night, and the problem is that now all of my husband’s nostalgia meals come from a recipe designed for 500 kids.
“Hey MIL could you text me your molasses cookie recipe? Husband was talking about how they were his favorite when he was a kid.”
“Of course. 1. 20lbs of flour—“
Ah yes of course.
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dont tell anyone but secretly i have wolf powers
"Isn't it weird that [thing humans commonly eat] is poisonous to literally every domesticated animal" I mean, there's a pretty good chance that [thing humans commonly eat] is at least mildly poisonous to humans, too. One of our quirks as a species is that we think our food is bland if it doesn't have enough poison in it.
Humans have a really weird mix of mundane superpowers.
We're not fast and don't have a lot of natural weaponry but we're bizarrely tolerant to a broad range of toxins to the point that one toxin is considered a morning necessity for some to perform at work. Gotta love us.
I've seen it pointed out a few times that the various toxins mentioned above did technically have the desired effect, given humans started cultivating the plants and thus protected them from predators/insects, and spreading their seeds far and wide. I just like the idea of evolution/DNA in the examples above being like a benevolent Monkey Paw for the plants.
Another thing is - those poisons? They have exactly the effect they should have, except we are microdosing on them. A beetle chewing on a mint can easily consume 10% of its bodyweight in Leaf. At that concentration, menthol is toxic. We dose less than 1% of our bodyweight in menthol leaf, so all we get from it is the initial tingling cool recognition. Same with capsaicin. It makes us cry and salivate and puke, it repulses everything from any possible orifice if present in sufficient amounds. But we usually don't eat as much outside of some insane competitions — which usually end up with people spitting and crying and having snot all over their face and fighting the urge to puke, then paying for all of that several hours later while on toilet. The coffeine can kill us. The essential oil from cloves can dissolve our tissues. Brasilian nuts have so much selenium that eating a handful of them every day for just few days will give us metal poisoning, melt our liver, and kills us. Nicotine can seriously fuck up our nerve system. And so on amd so forth.
We can tolerate these things, sure. But that tolerance is heavily based on the fact that we use these ingredients in incredibly small doses overal, mixed with other ingredients that dillute the overal concentration, or bind to the chemical in question and allow for its slow release over a longer time as it gets digested. Just enough for our bodies to be able to keep up with getting rid of those.
Sounds sounds sounds
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thought too hard about MRI machines today and had this come to me in a vision
mri accident is literally one of my biggest anxiety freakouts. i dont care about being in the tiny loud tube, im so scared of a secret piece of metal i dont know about in my body will tear through me like a knife through butter. what if i ate a quarter in my sleep
Quarters George who eats a $10 roll of quarters every night is shredded into a fine mist my the MRI
TIME TO POST ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE IMAGES!!!!
Back when I worked at the hospital, I had to take MRI training and it was my favorite thing every time. It was only like 10 minutes long and went a little something like this:
Hey. The MRI is basically a really big magnet and by basically I mean it is and we literally never turn it off. It's like really big. Really really big and powerful and The Magnet is always on. We don't turn it off Ever, for any reason. We mean it bro, The Magnet is literally always on. It's crazy strong and will definitely kill you. So don't bring any metal into the MRI room, man. You will fuck up the machine (because The Magnet is always on) and then you will die (again, because The Magnet is always on). Here's some fun questions for you to test your understanding!
1) The ______ is always on.
2) The Magnet is ______ on.
3) How often is The Magnet on?
4) The Magnet is always __.
5) The Magnet is always on. T/F
6) The Magnet is usually on but we know to turn it off for you because you're a very special boy :) T/F
7) My weak fleshy body can survive the wrath of The Magnet. T/F
8) Look at this 500 lbs steel hospital bed, which The Magnet has crumpled into an origami crane. Imagine if that was you.
9) Is The Magnet ever off?
10) Sometimes we turn The Magnet off. T/F
Thank you for taking MRI training. We hope you learned that The Magnet is always on, because it is. It's on Right Now and it will be on every time you come to the MRI. Have fun and remember: The Magnet is always on!
I love you MRI training. The Magnet is always on.
going to start saying The Magnet Is Always On the way some people say God Has A Plan
I've never seen a more deserved cat slap
does anybody know how to get out of bed. or be a better person
wow
can anyone find the satiric newspaper headline that might have been something other than the onion that was along the lines of “‘This Is More Relevant/Timely Than Ever,’ Says Theater Company About to Put on Oldass Play Worse Than Has Ever Been Done Before”
self-compassion: an antidote to shame mb
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this is, without a doubt, the funniest headline and photo combo i’ve ever seen
Need
I don't have a lot of In Progress shots of this bag, but this shrimp bag was a delight to make. I like its size, and this red leather is fun (it's like the blue leather I used with the sting ray)
having a stern talk with Ricky about drinking.
is a hearty milk cow a new type of vicious tiger?
the hot chocolate enjoyer when you ask where all the milk is going so fast:
i’ve seen this user post this photo as a sort of reaction image a couple times now and it makes me laugh every time. because this is the incredibly elusive marbled cat and they really do just have a tendency to look so pitiful, guilty, and empty in the head. so here’s some more photos of them looking like there’s just one marble bouncing around their skull:
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religion is so fucking funny the world is just too beautiful there must be a higher entity behind all this. lets oppress women
If you are attracted to a girl it's important to show her sinister artifacts and relics
