It's almost 3am. I have college in the morning. I need to turn my game off but lately its the only thing I find joy in.

It's 04:38 and I'm lying in bed trying not to cry. I feel so guilty about a situation I realistically shouldn't feel guilty about. But I spend half my life feeling guilty. I hate making decisions because if it goes wrong I feel like it's my fault. And I don't know what to do. I will feel guilty either way which makes it even harder. I'm just so tired.

Reading back on messages I don't realise how snappy I can be. Or how I can come across as quite snarky. So now I'm really sad because I have never realised it and I'm not doing it on purpose. Can't stop thinking how many people have thought I'm being mean when I don't mean to be. Including my boyfriend :(

I miss being asked "is Pepsi alright?"