Maybe I’m Not Craving Loneliness—Maybe I’m Craving Freedom⛓️‍💥🪷

I came back because I needed somewhere to put these feelings. Maybe someone else out there will understand.

Lately, I have been exhausted in a way that sleep doesn’t fix.

I’m tired of running. Running to people to make me feel safe. Running to people to make me feel understood, accepted, loved. And the more I run, the more I realize that what I’m searching for isn’t in other people.

I think I’m searching for myself.

I crave independence, but I’m terrified of it. I crave being alone, but I’m afraid of what will happen when it’s just me and my thoughts. I want to build a life that feels peaceful and safe, but anxiety keeps convincing me that safety doesn’t exist.

I’m tired of waiting for life to get better. Tired of praying and hoping and trying to stay faithful while feeling like I’m drowning emotionally, mentally, and financially. Tired of watching everyone else move forward while I feel stuck in the same place, fighting the same battles, carrying the same fears.

I don’t want luxury.

I don’t want perfection.

I just want peace.

I want to know what it feels like to wake up and not be afraid. I want to know what it feels like to trust myself enough to stand on my own. I want to stop trying to save everyone else when I can’t even figure out how to save myself.

Maybe that’s why I’ve been pulling away.

Maybe I’m not craving loneliness.

Maybe I’m craving freedom.

Freedom from fear. Freedom from expectations. Freedom from needing other people to tell me who I am or whether I’m worthy of happiness.

I want to feed my own soul.

And maybe that’s the saddest and most hopeful thing I’ve realized lately: that the person I’ve been searching for to save me might have been me all along.

RELAX ME

you have freaking time

and it's with a friend who won't kill you if you're a little late