#anxienty

Augh.

and i think im pretty valid for doing so

1. my parents have said countless times they would probably grieve for a couple months and get over it + they think people who choose this path are the biggest cowards

2. i don’t have any real friends, just surface level who’d probably say “that sucks” if i told them

3. im extremely insecure and it’s been getting worse these past few months cuz ive gained like crazy and none of my pants fit me anymore

4. i deadass have NOBODY that cares, parents? no. friends? no.

5. i have nothing to look forward to at all. alcohol has stopped helping and so has any other coping mechanism.

to all those saying “nothing changes until you change” or wtv bs, here’s ways i’ve tried to change:

1. i eat clean, drink enough water and fresh air

2. i go for daily walks usually with my dog, listen to music and try to do stuff that makes me “happy”

3. tried therapy. tried meds. tried journaling and meditating.

4. tried picking up new “hobbies” and staying productive

to all those saying “hang on, it gets better”

1. when exactly? i’ve been “hanging on” for 2 fucking years. i wasn’t particularly happy before that either.

2. i got bullied for 6 months until i ended up shifting schools. i don’t remember most of that year cuz i was high/ wasted all the time. I didn’t get out of bed for 4 of these months.

3. then i tried making new friends, js for them to turn out to be shallow and use me.

4. told a bestfriend of 6 years that i was in therapy and finally starting to feel better and she cut me off immediately.

5. “protected” my peace by going off socials just to feel even lonelier.

6. the one person i felt an actual connection with stated they “forgot” i existed and have changed so much there’s no point anymore.

7. my dad has been physically/emotionally abus1ve for years and i’ve been in denial since he’s nice to me 70% of the time and h1ts me like once or twice a month.

8. my mom gets mad over the smallest thing and always goes against whatever i say just to get a rise out of me and then play victim when i react. she says shit about my appearance, my w31ght and everything else and then asks why i’m insecure.