Okay, Iām Sorry. (Langst)
Ā (LOL this isnāt edited at all)
part one (everythingās on Ao3):Ā https://archiveofourown.org/works/10851474/chapters/24094296#workskin
The life of a star is a simple conceptā born from a cloud of dust and gas, the star condenses into a blindingly bright sphere of helium. As it shines, the star continues on, until eventually, it dims. The brightness eventually flickers out, and then, nothing. The star isnāt significant anymore, and it joins many others like it in a vast cemetery of darkness, only to be outshined by the other massive, luminous stars around it.
A star, beaming radiantly, cannot seem as bright when there are others that subdue it. Ā
The paladins, Allura, and Coran didnāt know how to react when Lance staggered into the meeting hall. Each and every one of them was overcome with shock, sympathy, or a combination of the two. The air was thick with tension, and it increasingly became worse when the blue paladin uttered the few words no one would expect him to mutter:Ā
Ā āItās okay, I hate me too.ā
Ā Ā The room was silent; no one took a breath and not one single person moved. Lance looked around the room, shakingly taking a breath as he took in the frozen faces of everyone currently in the hall. No one was saying anything, and the silence was taking a toll on him. He was used to being the butt of the jokes and the human representation of everyoneās disappointment. Lance wouldāve taken the insults over the silence; the quiet was too overbearing. He suddenly coughed, hacking more blood on the floor, and sobbed. Ā
Ā The sound of Lanceās hiccuping breaths brought everyone out of their trance, yet everyone stayed glued to their seats when the blue paladin shakingly lifted his hands to his head and started tugging at his hair.
Ā āSay something!ā he cried, as snot, tears, and blood dribbled down his face. āJust say something, please. Why is it only now that youāve stopped berating me?ā
Ā Lance pulled at his hair more and started hyperventilating. Hunk finally got the will to get himself out of his seat and go over to Lance, but he was too slow. Lance choked on blood and collapsed, a gut-wrenching ā thunk! ā echoing throughout the room.Ā
Ā As the star cools, the core becomes a White Dwarf and dims.Ā
Ā Ā Lance was immediately placed in a healing capsule once Hunk snapped some sense into everyone else. Now, they gathered around the capsule, each individual with a unique sense of remorse in their eyes as they watched Lanceās chest softly move up and down.
Ā Keith was the first to break away from the group, muttering something about having some knives to clean. Pidge slowly crept away to work on improving the security of the castle-ship. Allura bit her lip and went to go discuss things with Shiro. Hunk, although reluctant to leave, couldnāt take the silence and left to stress-bake. Coran simply stayed and cleaned the glass of the capsule, trying to remove any fingerprints on it.
Everyone left to do their own things, but it was clear no matter how hard they worked, nothing could distract them from the distraught state of Lance, the image already etched permanently into their minds.
When it stops shining, the now dead star is called a Black Dwarf.
Ā Ā Lance died on a Tuesday.
No one had the heart to take him out of the capsule, because maybe it was all a misunderstanding. Lance was fine, and the capsule had just malfunctioned. Even though the vitals displayed clearly showed that Lance was no longer a part of the living, ignorance was bliss, right?
Ā It wasnāt until Allura, out of all people, broke out into tears that confirmed everyoneās worst thoughts; Lance truly was dead, and no amount of forgiveness could bring him back.
āOh, Lance,ā Allura cried, āIām so sorry,ā
āWeāre sorry,ā Shiro cut in, at a voice so low you had to strain your ears to hear it, āWe never should have chastised you.ā
Ā Hunk started wringing his hands together. He looked down at the floor, watching droplets fall from his eyes and splatter onto his shoes. Pidge wasnāt any better; they grabbed at their face and squeezed their eyes out of anguish. Keith couldnāt control his emotions, as he yelled out in anger and threw a knife at the capsule. It didnāt crack the glass.Ā
The air was crisp, the sun was shining, and the water was crystal clear. A shack sat nearby, the tin roof gleaming from the sun. A rather old, but large house sat a couple of feet away from the shack. Wind chimes hung from the porch, occasionally clinking together from the gentle breeze.
Ā The paladins slowly trudged up the porch steps. Shiro was carrying Lanceās body; the paladins had cleaned him up so he looked a little lessā¦ dead. With heads hung and good posture long forgotten, the group came to a stop in front of the door. Keith was the nearest to the door, so he took in a shaky breath and knocked.
Ā A woman came into view. She was a short, and a little stocky, with greying hair tied back into a bun. Wrinkles appeared around her eyes, making their prominence more known when she gave a wide smile. Happiness and disbelief appeared in her eyes, but soon disappeared along with her grin as she took in the sight of Lance. She looked at each of the paladinsā faces, searching their eyes as if she were saying: Please, donāt tell me this is true. Donāt tell me that my son is dead.Ā
Ā Her eyes searched Shiroās face, desperation and longing evident in her own, and when Shiro only looked down at the ground, she whimpered. She took Lance from Shiroās arms, ran down the porch steps, and placed Lance gently onto the sand. Hands slowly trailed up to Lanceās face and caressed his cold cheek. The woman then collapsed onto Lanceās chest and bawled.Ā
Ā āOh, mijo...ā She cried, and took in the appearance of her son. His skin was stretched tightly across his cheeks and his lips was pressed into a tight line. He no longer held a glow; everything about him seemed waxy and fake. The woman ran her hand through his hair and sobbed even louder.
Ā Eventually, the womanās cries attracted the attention of the people inside the house. Children and adults came out to gather around the woman and Lance, shock and sadness appearing on their faces. As they began to mourn, the paladins took this as their cue to leave. A family grieving for a lost but now found son was private. Ā
Ā The castle wasnāt the same with Lance. Every meal was silent, and every training session was difficult to get through. Allura took over as the new blue paladin, but she couldnāt even put on the blue armor as it reminded her too much of Lance. Almost every mission was done with Lance in the armor, and the amount of times he had spent self-abhorring in the suit after Allura had told him off, she didnāt want to know.Ā
Ā Reminders of Lance were everywhere around the castle. From that point, Lanceās existence haunted the paladinsā minds, every remnant of a word or phrase they threw at him leaving senses of regret and remorse in their guts.
Ā Lanceās death was a hard lesson to learn for them, and it will continue to haunt them for the rest of their lives. Regret is a form of punishment itself, but itās okay.
They hate themselves too.
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