Mostly Gay, Mostly Dude, All Potato.

It is extremely common for survivors of sexual assault and abuse to feel disconnected from their bodies—especially during sexual or physically intimate moments.

A user wrote to us for advice for this very reason. He found himself frequently becoming activated with or around sex, even though he loves his partner and wants to be intimate with her.

He wrote, "I experienced a variety of sexual and physical abuse from early childhood into my teenage years. I have a strong association and bad reaction with sex. My body shakes, I feel sick, I get flashbacks, I cry, I dissociate: the list goes on. I feel like I’m not in control of my body. I guess I’m just trying to understand how to feel more in control of my body, and my sex life."

Wanting to reclaim a sense of control over your body and mind is something many survivors can relate to. It can be extremely frustrating and discouraging to feel like you can't do the things you want to or feel the way you want to feel because of the effects of the abuse you experienced.

But bodies aren't always so easy to "control" for anyone. As our founder, Heather, also a survivor, writes: "Ultimately, none of us are ever in full control of our bodies, and how people feel about that varies a whole lot. So much of what our bodies do, including a lot of our sexual response, is involuntary, and that can certainly be some of why sex⁠ can be extra challenging for sexual and physical abuse⁠ survivors. We’ve already struggled to feel real agency, autonomy⁠ and control when it comes to our bodies because of the experience and impacts of abuse, and now here go our bodies doing things without our permission or direction, or not doing things when we want them to."

But there's hope! In their column, Heather offers advice on how to feel safer in your own body, rediscover your sexual self, be kinder to yourself during recovery, how to recognize the things we do have control over, and how to find liberation in letting go of the things we can't.

Ferrai has this bullshit agreement that if you buy one of their cars new off the lot, you have to sign a contract saying you basically don’t own the car and have to uphold their brand standards with it.

http://www.nola.com/politics/index.ssf/2017/05/what_state_prisoners_get_to_wo.html

So currently I answer to my full first name (which I usually introduce myself with) as well as two nicknames/diminutives plus my last name when people mistake it for a first name. There are two or three other nicknames I've also gone by in the past. I'm perfectly fine with this, or neutral at minimum-- I have a common name and have had to be flexible with how I'm distinguished for my whole life. I also don't feel a deep and fundamental connection of my name with my identity, though I think going by another name entirely would confuse me.

A number of friends have been appalled at me being called names I don't say are my name. Which is really weird to me, although I'd go to battle for anyone else who was getting either deadnamed or called something they didn't want. But this perspective seems surprisingly common!

I laid my son on the bier, I burned the wreath / fire overhead, water underneath

ingredience:

lemons/limes (this needs to make up the bulk of the fruit being used, like at least 80%)

whatever other fruits or fruit scraps you want, plus any herbs/other flavorings you want to try. by fruit scraps I mean things like cherry pits, apple peels, pineapple cores, strawberry ends, things like that.

granulated white sugar, the coarser the better, 50% by weight of total citrus rinds + 100% by weight of any additional fruit. you'll measure this after you prep the fruit.

water as needed

equipment:

a few nonmetallic mixing bowls

a mesh strainer

a chinoise, ricer or some cheesecloth

a kitchen scale

a citrus juicer or reamer (manual or electric)

a potato masher

juice the citrus through a strainer - saving all rinds -  and refrigerate the juice for the time being. dice the rinds and other fruits if any, keeping the rinds separate. make note of weights, and measure your sugar.

 Place sugar in a large nonmetallic bowl. If using non-citrus fruits and/or any other flavorings, mix them in with the sugar and mash with potato masher. add diced citrus rinds, mix thoroughly, and mash again. cover and let stand at room temperature for at least 4 hours. this allows the sugar to draw out flavors that would otherwise get discarded with the rinds, and the rinds' acids should be enough to dissolve the sugar into a syrup.

Afterward, mash one last time, then collect the syrup by pressing the macerated mixture through a strainer/chinoise or ricer, or squeeze it through cheesecloth. if you want, this can be saved as a standalone syrup at this point, for use in cocktails or desserts. if not, slowly pour the reserved juice through the solids to to help get the remaining syrup out, and squeeze/press again. do the same thing one more time with warm water (roughly the same amount of water as juice). discard solids (or try making sangria with them!).

taste the mixture and add more water if necessary. a stronger mix is totally fine if you anticipate serving over ice on a hot day, or adding booze, or if there was a lot of non-sour fruit. keep in mind that it will taste a bit less sweet once it's chilled. pour into a pitcher and refrigerate.

citrus oils will float to the top, so stir/shake before serving. love you. enjoy.

some tried and true flavor combos:

straight lemon or lime, or any combination of the two, is of course an untouchable classic

lemon & strawberries (that's pussy babe!)

lemon & orange with a hint of vanilla (creamsiclemonade...?)

lemon & apples or apple peels with cinnamon/ginger/allspice (for late summer)

some cocktail type combos, booze optional:

lemon or lime & berries with basil + gin

lime & mint + white rum

lime & ginger + dark rum

lime & cucumber + gin

lime & orange (berries optional) + tequila