I Get Winded When I Open the Fridge Too Fast

Masturbate the dog

joe biden tekken move set updated

crunching my androgynous penis

the great british jake off

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

*puts my cigarettes out on you*

*wuickly smokes it all before you can reach me*

oh a wise guy huh? *rolls up my sleeves* why I oughta…

*wuickly rolls your sleeves back down before you can hit me*

When I got my current job they made me sign a form acknowledging that I'll be immediately fired if I accept free mcdonalds or an amazon gift card from someone at a rival firm

share my books with your friends bitch

they sell items at tjmaxx that even God is not aware of

u can be actively suicidal on here and people will tag it with their fandoms

transgender super mario land 2 reboot where mario is FtM and wario is ℲtW

Then you’re doing a fantastic job at it.

love when ppl ask to see pics of my axolotl and are expecting something cute + pink + all smiles and instead with genuine fear in their eyes, and in their heart, say WHAT the fuck is that.