Budget: Candles $3600

Could you imagine being Sherlock’s client though? You go to this random man’s house, he invites his mate who you don’t know to listen in, says he can tell you rode your bike there because your shoes have three (3) splashes of a specific type of mud on them, he then looks like he falls asleep on the couch while you’re telling your deepest trauma, then farts around your garden for a while before accusing your uncle by saying he has a secret pet monkey or something. And you know what the best part is? He’s right

Show up at work like hi boss sorry I'm late my I was helping my mother track down one specific 90s dungeon crawler for the purposes of obtaining a muffin recipe the developer hid in the files

I'M MAKING THE MUFFINS

Taste review: Make the video game muffins oh my GOD.

Women with big curly red hair always have like 12 gay guy friends why is that

i think the scientology speedrunners should start visiting the hospital mitch mcconnell is supposed to be in. i think it would be enriching for them

this year’s prom theme is… *opens envelope* Great Lakes Invasive Species And What Boaters Can Do To Stop Them

And the subject of tonight’s ecology panel is *turns on powerpoint* Enchantment Under the Sea

rpf actually stands for red pepper flakes

my ethical way of being a vampire: I basically specifically kill/bite the people I want to because I don’t like them or feel like it and I’m always right because I’m smart

you people aren't CASTING

remember to bury the dead with a phone, everyone. these days the ferry terminal at the river styx wants you to download a fucking app

if youre in the US (especially the northeast + michigan) i would avoid bagged salads/greens and generally wash your produce very thoroughly unless you want the diarrhea parasite

Someone edit his picture to have laser eyes I genuinely can’t find one on my own