Budget: Candles $3600

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

I want to see the vampire who lives in this. I bet his name is Chad or Hunter.

And he's ready to crack open a boy with the cold ones.

Could you imagine being Sherlock’s client though? You go to this random man’s house, he invites his mate who you don’t know to listen in, says he can tell you rode your bike there because your shoes have three (3) splashes of a specific type of mud on them, he then looks like he falls asleep on the couch while you’re telling your deepest trauma, then farts around your garden for a while before accusing your uncle by saying he has a secret pet monkey or something. And you know what the best part is? He’s right

Show up at work like hi boss sorry I'm late my I was helping my mother track down one specific 90s dungeon crawler for the purposes of obtaining a muffin recipe the developer hid in the files

I'M MAKING THE MUFFINS

Taste review: Make the video game muffins oh my GOD.

Women with big curly red hair always have like 12 gay guy friends why is that

i think the scientology speedrunners should start visiting the hospital mitch mcconnell is supposed to be in. i think it would be enriching for them

this year’s prom theme is… *opens envelope* Great Lakes Invasive Species And What Boaters Can Do To Stop Them

And the subject of tonight’s ecology panel is *turns on powerpoint* Enchantment Under the Sea