Me when I Fucking Get You

I hate when I drink all of my drink and there's no drink left. What the fuckkkkkkk. #sickandtwisted

jesus christ they’re all going to carrot heaven

just showed this video to my cousin who is a feudal serf and he threw his cap on the ground like yosemite sam

My boss was like “Do you have any idea how much money we’re losing” like who cares, it’s not like they would give it to me otherwise

Have our investors tried making coffee at home and not eating out so much?

I feel bad for people who’ve never experienced a corn maze bc it’s not even fun but you just have to do it

random anecdote for father's day: one time during a long car ride my dad asked me, "you're familiar with Murphy's Law, right?" and i was like "isn't that the one about how anything that can go wrong will go wrong?" and he said "yeah, exactly" and i said "why do you ask?" and he went "well, have you heard of Cole's Law?" and i said "no, actually, what's that?" and he said "it's mostly lettuce and carrots with a little dressing mixed in"

And he froze the rent only six months into his term.