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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
βI wish living wasn't this difficult for me. Things hurt deeply and even when they don't, my reaction is always emotional. I react emotionally before processing anything and that's what fucks up my relationships and my attempts to do well in life. I wish honesty and being genuine were as easy as lying and theatricizing my persona. I wish my memories weren't tied to the attention I received in that moment. I forget too many things, I really feel like I don't exist sometimes. I wish my mother had paid attention to me even when I wasn't provoking her, throwing tantrums or trying to make her laugh. I wish she had been interested in my personality when I started to bloom. I wish I didn't have this disorder
Histrionic culture is starting fights with your parents on purpose and then becoming terrified to actually face them after dramatically storming off
HPD culture is...
Itβs so annoying when people armchair diagnose influencers with HPD. They can't draw the line between regular exhibitionism and a real pathology. Seeking attention is literally their job π
Diagnosed HPD culture is missing your life when you were still self-unaware because you freely ignored upsetting internal things, but also acknowledging that escaping from them was an active part of histrionic defenses and to get rid of it YOU HAVE TO face what is painful
HPD culture is...
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
The twenties are like the teenage years except you have more freedom, you're alarmingly addicted to something and you're also diagnosed
I think histrionism has a lot to do with running away, it's just a different way of doing so. Hedonism, distractions and immediate gratification are all ways to run away from those upsetting feelings that start eating my brain "out of nowhere" (though there's always a trigger, it's not always easy to find it) and that I can't really stand
βI experience the fear of vulnerability in a strange way. Instead of running away from others to protect myself, I "fake" some emotions to hide others. I physically leave places that make me feel uncomfortable, that's why I've changed so many universities and that's why I'm unable to keep a job at the moment. That's also why it took me 7 years to be authentic and open up in therapy. Lies are my biggest escape
WELCOME TO MY BLOG β.Λβ.α
Elio β 24 yo β italian gay man πͺ
I'm professionally diagnosed with histrionic personality disorder and I'll use this blog to be honest about my inner thoughts and to keep track of what I'm doing in therapy
I'm also diagnosed with NPD traits, ASPD traits, BPD traits, CSBD, BED, BDD and paraphilic disorders
My subtype is theatrical, which T. Millon describes like this:
"The self is subordinated to the requirements of the social economy: transformed, synthesized, fabricated, and packaged to optimize their appeal to the given market niche. Style is not only valued over substance but also valued to the exclusion of substance. As a result, the theatrical histrionic exists largely without depth, as having inner identity limits potential maneuvering"
Just to give you an idea
I'm an art history major and a writer. I also draw sometimes
Some of my interests include history (especially ancient and medieval), art history, psychology, typology, horror, A24 movies, true crime, adult cartoons, cults, extreme cinema and morbid things in general
I'm strangely scared and fascinated by death at the same time
People who are not welcome here:
Homophobes, transphobes, misogynists, racists, zionists, over-religious people who will tell you to convert if they find out you're an atheist, people who unironically use the term "narc abuse" and ableists in general
For the rest of you, we can jest together
NB: I'm pro-recovery and will never appreciate fueling others' disordered actions. Since the purpose of this blog is to be honest, just know that when I mention something unhealthy, I'm not trying to justify it (especially because the worst things I've done were in the past) but instead to show that they do exist when you're mentally ill Recovery is still possible. Stay strong
