little sour apple

(via @thethirdromana )

or are you misusing that phrase?

warning: i made this while annoyed and tired so feel free to correct it how you see fit

I have noticed a couple of people trying to use the word mansplaining to get trans men or trans masculine people to shut up about whatever topic it is they're discussing

(Faggot by skittles, goalie goal, FMK, Jail bail :my beloveds. )

also the childstarcrashout au posts have me crying with laughter. (but also. Ouch. love it.)

Doodling the Disaster Duo's failed scuba spelunking attempts as we speak.

anyways. Your writing slaps in multiple mediums thank/bless yoooouuuuuu!!!!!

My favorite thing to do in my silly little fics is to absolutely cram in little side adventures the characters have been doing over the years. Like I love giving them lore. I love crawling into their heads and rearranging the furniture. And then for snapping birch I chose the most limited style possible where I had to purposefully misconstrue their characters and the truth of their actions over the years. I know why I did this but also why did I do this to myself

Okay following up on promised: cave diving post #1 was absolutely hilarious to me and I Had to doodle it.

But the Denmark ask made it even better and has now embedded in my brain.

Side note: half-assed googling has indicated that a Bunch of wet caves in the US either A. require a permit/permission to use B. completely closed to public or C. Literally barred off. No One Enters. Some of that is definitely about preserving the environment aka ‘Drunk Fool teenagers keep trying to sneak into my goddam cave and now there’s goddam beer cans in my underground lake’. there also there is definitely vibe of “you amateur chucklefucks keep attempting scuba spelunking and getting your moron selves stuck!!! And fucking dying!!! Massive hassle. Cave Privileges Revoked.”

So I feel a camera as a self-preservation tactic against Drunk Idiots and to prove the next yahoo who dies in your cave Was Not Supposed To Be There!!! Is fairly feasible. Little did they know they’d be catching That.

Also I feel the Cave Diving Offer the Duo saw on a billboard supplied the breathing gear, but everything else you gotta get yourself. They book the appointment. They roll into Dick’s Sporting Goods with the focus of US Marines. They gear up. They Arrive at The Cave.  Shane puts one (1) toe in the water and is like. Immediately the Fuck Not. Going. In.

(Would they have waited to put flippers on until in the water? Yes but it is funnier if Shane’s serious Denmark soliloquy is delivered by a man in a wet suit, googles, and neon flippers)

Also the mental image of the poor caving instructor is Sending me.

Like. Going about your day minding your business, schlepping like several pounds of scuba equipment to a cave to meet your new students. Normal day.

Is. Is that Rose Laundry and Shane Hollander. Who are actually not going to need your services because they Shan’t be Going In That Cave.

Shane Hollander tells you to reconsider your life choices. Which. SIR???  Crashout King Himself is telling You to reconsider Your life choices????????? He then proceeds to heft Academy Award Winning Movie Star Rose Laundry over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and stalks off. She is crying laughing.

You now have to turn around and schlep 3 oxygen tanks & associated gear back down the mountain, but with like looney toons stars swirling around your head. What the fuck.

Anyway @polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup the promised doodles:

(Okay yes Shane would take off his flippers before leaving. And the flippers would not match their flip phones, but saw a photo of cave diver with neon pink flippers and it stuck in my head)

(This was supposed to be just a simple colored doodle! I can do something stylized and simple I said, like a liar. I won’t need references! There is no way I will end up with a a bunch of screenshoots of Shane looking pissed & Sophie Nelisse smirking. 🙃🤡)

a). I needed to watch that car and

b). That I needed to be careful, because the driver of the car was a massive bitch.

It kind of took me by surprise, because I really had no reason to be beefing with that car, and I also hadn't really had an impression like that since I was religious, which was in my teen years. Right? It'd been a decade since I had a little voice whisper in my ear, and I'd basically written it off as nonsense.

Anyway, I watched the car, because The Spirits or whatever were very insistent that I did. Car drove fine, went into the parking spot, inched forward, and right when it should've just stopped, the driver gunned it for some reason and it ran into the curb and cracked its bumper.

So, the driver got out, and she went to the front of the car to check that yes, she had cracked her bumper, and then she turned to look at me. The parking lot wasn't empty, but we were the only two people standing in that row, and I'd probably been staring at her for tenish seconds now.

She demanded very angrily to know why I hadn't warned her of the curb. And I could have said I didn't know you were about to gun it or is it my job to help every stranger park, or even could you have even heard me, inside your car?

And all of those would have been fine, but I was really, really busy digesting that I had somehow communed with Mormon Jesus again for the first time in fifteen years, and that the communion had mostly been there to let me watch someone park badly (?), so what I responded with was:

"Because it was foretold."

And I can't tell which would be funnier, if she went silent because there's not much to be said to that, or if she went silent because in Utah, she might actually believe me, but we parted ways without more words.

Yuna "I am masking at insane levels because of racism and sexism and I love my special boy so so much" Hollander x David "we love our son so so much and obviously he's just like my wife who I love so so much and I've never questioned any of their traits because they're perfect" Hollander.