Let's forget reality

#how many of Shane’s kidnapping threats do you think came from Boston fans#people are emotionally invested in the rivalry#if you are a Shane Hollander fan you hate Ilya Rozanov and vice versa#the tensions on this relationship are mind blowing and honestly I think it only adds to the romance#lovers have never been more star crossed#people have tied their ideas of masculinity to Shane and Ilya#those people think of homosexuality as mutually exclusive with their masculine ideals#Shane and Ilya’s relationship challenges that in a way that I think would be very dangerous for them#people are going to be mad about it and some of those people are going to be violently mad about it (via @polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup)

The thing that drove the stalker over the edge was seeing Ilya with Shane, so she actually bursts in and attacks him while Shane is still there. Ilya is grazed, but Shane manages to get her off of him before the blade goes too deep. And then she can't do much of anything to Ilya anymore because Shane bashes her fucking skull in 💕💕 That's love, bby!

TW: suicide discussion: okay so like The real difference to me is not “Ilya would kill himself if Shane died young and Shane would suffer but live if Ilya died young” (bad take lmfao) but the fact that I know in my heart that if Shane died young Ilya would completely crash out and burn as many bridges with loved ones as possible so no one would miss him if he killed himself which completely backfires when he ends up in the psych ward instead of dead whereas Shane would get the news Ilya died and not hesitate one single second before buying a gun and shooting himself.

Like Ilya is getting himself committed with he himself and his hallucination of his dead husband that tells him all the ways he failed and Shane isn’t even leaving a note

10000%

The thing is, Shane never knew a version of Ilya without depression. Ilya wasn’t able yet to see that in himself, but Shane did even if he couldn’t name it. He constantly checked in, are you okay, how’s your father, how are you. He could tell Ilya needed to be checked in on. But then Ilya spends The Long Game reckoning with his own acceptance of his depression, worried that Shane couldn’t possibly love him once he knows. And that’s the thing with our brains, they love to hide things from us. Because Shane never loved an Ilya who didn’t have depression. But Ilya thought he’d carefully tucked this secret deep inside, hiding so even he couldn’t fully see it. But Shane has always seen Ilya, always seen past the bluster and bravado. Ilya thought he could hide it from himself and from others, but he couldn’t hide it anymore once he found a safe place to land with Shane. Shane gave him the soft, albeit imperfect, perch from which to see himself and what he needed more clearly. His relationship with Shane reflected back to him that his ways of coping were no longer enough, and he needed real help. And sure, Shane didn’t quite know what to do or what was going on, but he only left or backed off or gave space when Ilya requested it. And when it came time for Ilya to admit things, I’m sad sometimes, sometimes I’m not sure how to keep going, my own mind scares me, Shane does not falter. He says I’m never leaving, I’ll be right by your side, we will figure this out together. Shane has always loved Ilya, all of him.

ilya sees this old trend where someone holds out a hand to their partner to see what their partner would give them so he comes over to try it with shane who’s on the sofa. he holds out his hand and shane gives him the remote. he tosses the remote aside. shane looks a bit confused. he gives ilya his phone. ilya tosses that aside. he gives ilya a pillow. ilya tosses that aside. he gives ilya his hand. ilya shakes it out. his face squints in confusion before coming up with an idea and rests his chin on ilya’s hand. and okay, well, the challenge is just to annoy your partner, but holy fuck shane looks so fucking cute with his big brown eyes looking up at ilya waiting for his approval so ilya just really has to smile and kisses him about it.

I never noticed Shane's little "oh" when Ilya says he's serious about asking him to take his clothes off over Facetime, following his father's death. Like, "oh, well if you're serious then yes, of course."

Sex is an extremely valid and helpful process for grief. It provides much needed intimacy, good chemicals to help ease stress, and a reminder of what it feels to be alive in such close proximity to death. <3