Jenny’s Arrest- Part 3 In the ER
The conclusion…. with a nice surprise at the end!
Part 2: https://www.tumblr.com/hiddendreamsstuff/811636778702405633/jennys-arrest-part-2-in-the-ambulance
Aside from the pounding on my chest by the medic, my heart is completely still.
“What do we got?” Asks a new voice.
From above me a flurry of information is spoken quickly. “25 year old woman found unresponsive in the bathroom by girlfriend and roommate. History of congestive heart failure including an arrest in the past. She was down for at least 15 minutes and revived and then coded again 5 minutes ago. 1 dose of epi given this arrest. Currently asystolic”.
“Okay, let’s get her inside!”
While all this is going on someone climbs on top of me, straddling my waist. “5, 4, 3, 2, 1” is counted out and I feel a set of hands pull away from me and another land back on my chest, barely missing a beat in the rhythm of compressions. The compressor is someone new. I can sense the difference in depths of the hands going into my chest. They have a fresh strength compared to the others. Someone continues pumping the bag sending air into my lungs. The gurney is pulled out from the ambulance and is pushed from where my head lies into the ER.
As soon as we enter the ER I can sense that you are both are there with me. I feel a sense of comfort knowing that you came and I am no longer alone.
In the resus bay there is overwhelming commotion around me even though there is nothing going on inside me. Straddled compressions continue by the nurse who has taken over and she hands off the task to someone else. Big, rough hands that cover my entire chest and part of my breasts to the nipple take over and shove my sternum down so deeply my entire body rocks with them.
“Let’s get her on our monitor and get a dose of epi in her”.
You are crying from the corner of the room. “Jenny… please sweetie come back”
I have no power in this situation. I cannot will my heart to beat or my lungs to breathe. I cannot save myself right now. I am in the hands of others who may or may not decide that I am too far gone.
“Please let me live…” I whisper from the other side of the void that I am currently in.
Resus efforts continue for another few minutes, though it feels like hours, before my heart converts again. Paddles are placed on my chest while compressions continue until the very last second before they call “Defib at 360! CLEAR!”
The shock rips across my chest sending my arms outward in a wave like fashion. My entire chest jumps off the table forming an arch between my pelvis and head. As I land my arms jump outwards.
After the second shock. I slam back down and feel myself slipping from my body towards the ceiling.
“Shock her again!” You scream from the other side of the room. But my heart goes back to asystole and the sound rings out through the room. Despite the sound of the hopeless monotone nothing stops: compressions continue, meds are given, air is pumped, fingers press into my neck and groin to check for pulses. Three more minutes pass. I have been down another 17 minutes since the ambulance. Longer than the first time at home.
Suddenly I am watching the whole scene from above. Looking down at the top of the head of the person doing compressions on me, I see the bouncing motion of their upwards and downwards movements, my head following along with the beat as someone holds the bag and squeezes every five seconds or so. I float higher and higher towards the ceiling until i feel myself jerk to a stop. There is only so far I can go when I am still kept alive by the hands of others I suppose.
I feel freer up here. In my body I felt stuck and cold; but here I feel warmth, comfort. Although I also feel I should not be seeing this. Here I feel whole. I feel loved.
But I want to come back. Please let me come back…. I try to move downward as if swimming in deep water, but I cannot make any movement.
I want to look away but my eyes are transfixed on my body- a blanket pulled across my pelvis but revealing my leg where they have placed another IV line. My feet rocking with each deep compression. My closed eyes, my blue lips holding a tube that is connected to a blue bulb being squeezed. Electrodes outline the hands of the person compressing my chest
I recognize only the two of you in the corner, sobbing, crying, begging the doctors to keep going. I want to come to you and comfort you, to tell you to keep fighting for me because I cannot.
More time passes, the dance of the code continues on for another eight minutes with no changes. Numerous rounds of medication are given through the IVs. There is one more round of shocks at 360 but my heart refuses to convert to a living rhythm.
“How long do we have on the clock?” Asks the doctor to the timekeeper.
“Twenty three minutes and forty five seconds” she says.
“I believe we have done everything we can do. If there is no change on the next pulse check I suggest we call it. Does everyone agree?”
There is a silent decision made amongst the people in the room. Heads nod as eyes avert to the ground away from others. Two minutes slowly creeps by as yet another nurse takes over compressions. Her hands are soft and small, but plunge deeper into my chest as if she is trying to grab my heart through the skin and ribs.
Finally, compression pause and the nurse backs off. I see my body beneath me: broken, bruised, lifeless. I know I am gone and soon will leave this liminal space.
The monotone beep rings out in the room.
“Okay, I’m calling it. Time of death 7:52 am”
“No! No! No! No!” you scream as you collapse to the floor. He tries to catch you but you both end up huddled together in the corner crying. The doctor comes over and tells you to say your goodbyes. The nurses pull the blanket up over my chest and leaves my arms on top at my sides.
I am still here watching the scene unfold below me. It pains me deeply to see the anguish in your faces. The two of you manage to stand up and make your way over, one on each side of the bed and hold my hands. You take my hand to your face as if to have me hold it like I do in the wee hours of the night when you need comforting.
“I love you, baby” you cry and flop your body practically across me, your ear on my chest in the spot where your hands worked so hard to keep my heart going. My heart which is currently still.
It is in that moment, as your body makes connection with mine, that everything goes black: I can no longer see myself or you, just darkness. But then under your ear there is a tiny thump. And then another. I take in a gasp of air and suddenly my eyes burst open, staring at the ceiling where I was just looking down from.
Beep, beep, beep on the monitor.
Hope you enjoyed my trick question vote. Best of both worlds!
izzy806
vaporwave
amandla
2087
ellievsbear
