Bee Bootys and Gay Cooties

what do you mean my childhood affected me

"tHe sevEN habits Of highly eFfective peOple" yeah ok buddy how about the seven METHids of JORKin up on my PEAnits!???!?!? Send post

its probably a normal sign for the economy that all of my adulthood fantasies are like "imagine having your own kitchen living room and bathroom to decorate" "what if i could get on a train" "maybe one day i could purchase a sturdy pair of shoes" "i should save and invest in a single bicycle"

Walking around my neighborhood wearing my sick as fuck custom T-shirt that says "I STEAL EVERY FRIENDLY CAT I MEET WITH NO REMORSE I DO IT ALL THE TIME DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK I BEEN HERE FOR YEARS KEEP THAT BEAST ENCLOSED LEST YE FACE MY LIGHTNING CAT GRASP" and smiling politely while my neighbors' indoor-outdoor cats gently trot down the sidewalk towards me as the neighbors themselves read my shirt with a growing sense of panic.

Unfollow me for cat theft all you want. You'll never catch me and you'll never stop me. Those things are this season's must-have lipgloss in an understaffed Sephora, and baby? I'm a middle-class teenage girl who's not getting enough attention at home...

People in the notes keep saying, "This is just another reason you should keep your cats inside," and I know they just mean the fact that someone in general could steal them, but I like to think they all mean that you gotta watch out for me specifically. Because you do. I'm everywhere. And I'm fast.

oh the wifi password yeah it's the nicene creed in its entirety

*copy-pastes the phrase, "the nicene creed in its entirety", instantly accesses the network*

"Built by generations, buried by generations, uncovered by generations" is ruining me, thanks

Also, the "at some point today" makes it even worse. I could restricture the day to save it at least a little bit, but since I got absolutely no information it just ruins everything

what do you mean my childhood affected me