i’m your mom

i’m not crying it’s just raining on my face 

mind you before sinners we didn’t have definitive proof that it was possible to successfully make a movie in 2025

If at first you don't succeed, put it back in the microwave for a minute thirty

I promise this post makes sense

its set to two minutes though

I was in a hurry

two minutes is longer

I meant I didn't have time to press an extra button

RIP King

My grandma just called and, among other things, said “You have hips. That’s good! Men like hips!” and then she interrupted herself to say “Women like hips. People of your preferred gender like hips. I can never remember”  And I was like “Thanks grandma! My preferred gender is none of them, no thanks.” and she was like “Okay, no one will comment on your hips!” very self satisfied, like “aha, I have figured it out” I think like half her grandkids are some variety of not-straight and she can’t always remember which is which but she is the epitome of like “she’s a little confused, but she’s got the spirit!”

Update: I gave it some thought and my estimate was wrong. Of the grandkids that are out, it’s 1/3, not ½

I told my grandma that I’d told my friends about what she said and that some of y’all had said you wished she was your grandma, and she said “Well, you can never have too many grandkids!”  So like…consider her your honorary grandma* I guess? *if you want an honorary grandma, that is

Update on my grandma: I told her my hair was standing up, but instead of straight line it was diagonal and she said “That’s okay, you’ve never been straight!” and then laughed so hard at her own joke I thought she was going to drop the phone

Happy almost pride month! Have my confused-but-supportive grandma!

An update: my grandma just called me to ask if I knew it was pride month

Happy pride month!!

vampire money but they’re not ready and they take a minute to regroup

You never know if today is gonna be the day that they’re gonna throw it back to you

(to the tone of creep by radiohead) but i'm asleep. on mypillow

star trek heritage post (June 7th, 2017)

happy first day of pride everyone

i also think ilya would eat kraft american singles just like. plain. four at a time.

Great work everybody, hit the showers