hey here comes pizza and bedside plant

making posts about how beer tastes bad is a lot like that painting of a jester harassing a bunch of dogs while leaning over a wall, except the jester is below the dogs and trying so hard to reach them, and all the dogs are extremely beautiful and strong, and have a wonderful community built on love, and they never want for anything. they never want for anything.

video game with a flaccid -> boner meter in the ui but the whole game it never changes at all and nothing makes the boner meter go up so youre jusg aware of the protags flaccid penis the whole time for no good reason

to be clear in my thinking this would only work in a completely nonsexual game, of course it Could have a function in some sort of porn game depending on the sorta porn youre going for but thats not really my idea here. this concept only works to me if its completely useless and unrelated & the protag isnt even sexualized even a little bit, otherwise i think it loses its charm. you just have to know about their penis and you have to wonder why the entire game and you have to try and figure that out until you realize theres no reason and youre just aware of their penis because the dev is probably fucked in the head or something like that. and then by that point youve reached the highest level of connection possible with a game developer aside from maybe ambushing them from behind and drinking all their blood until they die. and thats how we fix the gaming industry

i say make antique stores more narrow and cramped #evil

this morning i woke up from a dream about rats to the feeling of something moving against my hand and i had a moment of panic thinking something was crawling on me only to realize it was my own bulge... that sort of thing never happened to me when i wore boxers #justsayin

the other night i was falling asleep when my hand twitched and, not realizing my hand was on my own ass, gave myself a big scare :,(

do you think some of the microplastics in my balls and some of the microplastics in your balls could have once been apart of the same deck chair? or pen cap? or water bottle? if someone drank from a water bottle and then that plastic ended up in our balls, is that an indirect kiss between them and each of us? all of us together? do microplastics remember the macroplastic? do our balls know them for kisses ?

brother if pissing were illegal ? you and i would be partners in crime…